[(JD)]

I wish it (the pain) would.

[ozzie]

(((((((((Sky))))))))) I wish the pain would end too.....for you and all of us who suffer from physical pain.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((sky)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry that your pain is so much. Can you call your t?

kd

[(JD)]

I have twice.. but only left messages. I can't ruin his night because of my pain... there's nothing else he can do .. I think.. I'm doing everything I can.. I think a pain shot into the area would help, but the stress of the ER and questioning nurses. andthe delay and all no... it would beworse before it only might get better (assuming I would evertually get a shot.) I don'tthink I would even tell them I'm allergic to anything.. let them give me anything... even if I died, I would be better off than this. But I can't call.. did I answer the question? I'm struggling ... trying to not pity myself trying to keep my emotions out of this... but it's le vel 10 pain ... I've really had more of this than.. than I want, feel I can handle, etc etc etc

tks all for your thoughts.

[(JD)]

[b]<font color="green"> So the latest flare hasn't killed me.. directly. It has taken it's toll. I have still not fully recovered, so I can't be around PC much yet... or I will fall right back into the throes of it all.

My physical therapist was able to ultrasound my low back twice this week, and also tried to manipulate the sacroiliac back into place... which, having been pulled out of place, the muscles had continued to spasm and, had pulled my pelvis into rotation. Screaming, sobbing, excruciating pain.... even with narcotic ... but without medical "support" I feared running out of the med so I didn't take as much as I could have... it's always a terrible choice... which would be so different if I could find a MD who KNEW how to medicate chronic pain patients. The choice? take more med now and get out of pain, allowing muscles to calm also and shortened the length of time in pain, with fear of running out of taking so much.... in case it does last longer... vs taking only enough to be prudent and experiencing the pain, but knowing you probably won't run out of med in the long haul. I have decided to do the previous FROM NOW ON. Forget the prudence... I can't handle this pain again... any longer. It finally came down to me: either I will kill myself from this pain, or I will truly medicate myself to feel some relief.

I'm sorry I haven't been around here much, and also if I reacted to any members not giving me much support: that was the pain speaking. Noone here is responsible for my pain, my therapy, my support. I appreciate any and all who read, and respond with any support.

As many of you know, it seems "easier" to read through feigned posts of non-support when we are heightened in our sensory perceptions, even when those perceptions are skewed.

TC

[hillbunnyb]

Dear Sky, Oh, so sorry you're bod's giving you no peace. Can I squeeze a thought into your chant? "This pain won't kill me AND I can breath into it." Then actually actually take a slow deep breath in (while feeling the pain), followed by a long slow exhaile during which you say something like. "And I can breath it out". Do you have a couple tennis balls you could lie on, sorta self acupressure? That's how I get by.

I'm typing from flat on my back (with my head propped up), too. Hang in there. Good luck tomorrow.

[dottie]

Good idea!! Capital!!

[(JD)]

HI all. The muscles finally released the main bone that was out a few days ago.. so I have been recovering since... There are plenty of things I do to "manage" my pain... just when this particular event happens, the muscles has contractured and the bone, rather than breaking, gives in to one way or other, and the muscles continue to pull and since my pelvis can't "break" easily, it becomes rotated from the pulling... this time that caused the bones to impinge the sciatic nerve.. complicating the pain.

I have a full page of things I do to "manage" my chronic pain. I do stretching daily, but I'm not strong and agile enough to prevent muscle atrophy), I
have tennis balls to work the knots in my muscles (literal knots, then feel like nodules or glands or lumps) I wear wrist splints, jaw splint and back brace, knee braces when they go south on me, I use myoflex numbing creme, also lidoderm pain patches, I turn the air conditioning down colder, use ice packs and heat packs and heating pad, hot baths for the muscles (ice and cold for the nerve pain)... I have an electric recliner that heats and massages..., I use oral jel for bright dental pain, zomig for my migraines... My T has helped me with such good breathing and mind suggestions that I use to remind my brain via marble...and also a CD of delta brain wave sounds... for most of the days I was too busy sobbing to really worry about breathing, if you know what I mean.

Right now I'm battling a sinus infection (which I always get when I cry.) Also, I go into a downward spiral (depression) after every flare... it's a chemical thing... but this time I am much more dark... I can't "do" much as the added stress overwhelms me quickly. My T even agreed that I should give up my "timed" games that I play for distraction... too much stress right now.

Melancholy. all I can think of are John Denver songs... .... sigh.

My mother wants me to bring her food tomorrow. I cooked one thing tonight... will another tomorrow..and take the rest for her to do herself? What kind of a daughter am I? disabled. deal with it. That all involved going to the grocery store as it is, and on holiday!

I didn't go and give out Thanksgiving baskets from the church like I had really wanted to (Tuesday night.)
I have to just not do anything much... or pace myself with what must be done... or I can easily fall back into another flare... plus... only saw my PT once this week... so no PT for a week... not good. not good at all.


and I'm living... for what reason? sorry guess that belongs in the Depression Forum. Thank you all again for caring. sigh.

[hillbunnyb]

Hi Sky, Oh darn, you've tried everything I know of. I wish something would work for you everytime you needed it. Chronic whatevers suck so big time. A truckload of chronic whatevers ....... dang, I feel for ya. At least here at PC we can pull in behind each other and grab a little draft for a while.
If you know what I mean. ( PS Sobbing is deep breathing in my book.)

[(JD)]

ty hill I'm not sure anyone here is travelling fast enough to draft! (and I think I'm too old to draft now...but do recall younger days and one particular trip between an 18 wheeler and a greyhound Atlanta to Miami whew! what a ride!)

I know that I am just a worthless stupid nothing but could one of your reason to keep on living be that, even if you are far away from me, to keep on coming here as you are touching a part of my life and I like that YOU are around.

You are helping me so much just by being here. I am not imposing anything on you as I don't deserve nothing but I like for you to be here.

(((((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

(((time0))) no, you are not nothing! Thank you for your kind words. <font color="darkblue">

My back (thoracic spine) is really refusing to ease... and is stressing the cervical spine (neck) muscles and all.... I can lie down and chill a while (carefully) and then get up ... and it spasms right back up as bad as before. I had trouble putting my tmd (jaw) splint in last night and it was obvious that my teeth ? had moved some and I'm still aching from wearing that all night.

My MD wants me to cut back on the sleep meds, and only take them 2-3 x a week.. did I already post this??? Sorry if so. Ok, what nights do I choose to NOT sleep? (AND WHY???) I need sleep to help muscles keep from spasming... I think that's a given for anyone, just I have a bigger problem with it. I have PT and T 3 days a week, so it wouldn't be good to not sleep the nights before those appts, right? ...and how difficult and stressful it is on the body to keep messing with the circadian rhthym of normal sleep. Will it not stop, this harassment from my MD? I guess she wants to just quit prescribing ANYTHING for me? If she keeps this up I will learn to hate her and cut off my nose to spite my face... you know?

[hillbunnyb]

Yo sky, I have been on a very similar struggle, if I read your post correctly. 36 years ago I was used by a young dentist for his own gratification. NO, not sexually.... DENTALLY. I am still paying the price but have started to heal, dig this:

I've always had bad teeth. At the the dentist every 6 months, which meant I only had a couple months a year off cause I had so much decay. (Nowadays they see stress as a cause..)I practically lived at the f'n dentist.

It was back in the days, way before the women's movement, and Dr.s were gods, and one just did what they said was needed, my role was to open wide, period, end.

I was taking care of kids in an upwardly mobile neighborhood and went to the local young dentist for my checkup. I was 21 ish. So, this guy tells me I need a bite adjustment and crowns and crown lenghtening and and and. I called my father to see if he would pay for it as I had no money. I had no idea what any of these procedures were, and didn't have any internal programming to ask questions of someone in authority. "They know what THEY are doing."

So, there I went to my earlly morning appointment. He pput the nose thing on me and cranked up the nitrous. Next thing I know it's lunch time cause he woke me up long enough to tell me he was going to lunch, then knocked me back out.

After 8 hours in the chair, I was awakened to find myself with a butchered mouth. Temporary crowns glued to my four top front teeth, some kind of hard pink stuff covering the gums at the back of them where he had burned off my gums to reveal more tooth structure (I had short teeth in his opinion), my lower jaw had been shoved back and all my teeth filed to make them close in a whole new position. He apparently didn't like buck teeth and had made it so he could mount the crowns and make my front teeth straight up and down. (I liked my buck teeth....)

The shoving of my lower jaw so far back caused my neck, shoulders, thoracic body cramp. Nobody would believe me (Another thread of my life story.) Other dentists that informed me that I was better off with my jaw pushed back. GGEEEEEZZZZUUUUSSSS

So, for 35 years my body got worse and worse. I was a rock of cramp. A 250 lb friend could put all her wieght on my shoulders and not be able to make a dent massage wise, I was a solid rock of cramp.

8 years ago I fell through a good crack (for a change) and got PT from some wonderful people. After 6 years, we had discovered a dislocated rib from when the rope broke that I was swinging from in a tree when I was 13, which helped, but, we couldn't move the locked mess emminationg from my jaws. So, I decided to grab the bull by the horns and plotted to get rid of my teeth.

I sucked candy for a year, had hard candies by my bed. Suck suck suck. Finally got what was left of my teeth under my crowns (whole mouth crowned at this point) to rot out so they would HAVE to pull the boogers.

I went slow. Only one or two teeth at a time. When the day came that enough teeth had been pulled so my bite was free to be wherever the heck IT wanted to be, my healing began. The cramps actually started to relax. After 3 months, I grew 5/8" in height (verified at the clinic). My head was coming up out of the cramped mess of my neck and shoulders.

I'm left with nerve damage, and at this point no teeth. The dentist who made my falsies didn't believe me and f'd with the bite again.......... sheeesh. I'm not going in for new falsies until I feel like my muscles have recovered and are strong in their new, back tonatural placement, and I am strong in demanding a bite that works for me. Sheeeesh.

After a year of toothlessness, I have decided that teeth are overrated. I am doing quite well without them, thank you. I can even eat pizza!!!

Have I hit a note with you?

[(JD)]

Yep you did. That was another "point" I wonder if my MD has missed: hello? My accident caused my lower jaw to be taken completely off the hinges and the insurance company waited 2 years before it would authorize surgery! Has the MD forgotten this (she wasn't my MD at the time.. no one would manage my care... ) Like the migraines will always be there... etc.

I have had most all of my teeth veneered, but they aren't quite right and it's taken me all year now to try and get back to the orthodontist for fixin it up... but he wouldn't measure with a tomo for accuracy so what hope do I have? The front two main teeth aren't even matched... one is straight and one is rounded though that doesn't cause me pain... I could complain to my oral surgeon, he would put a fire under the orthodontist! sigh.

I am thankful to Burt Reynolds... way back just before my accident he had had his jaw hit in a movie...and went into a 2 year depression pain cycle... (everyone thought he had aids) but he spent BIG BUCKS to find out, research what his problem was and voila TMD! (called TMJD then) and it's because of his early research that I first was dx'd with TMD like the first month of injury! There wasn't much to do for it,, gummy splints that I chewed through... and the TENS for pain... but as the area has progressed, so have I. I did have surgery on each joint... but due to my tendons being out of place pulling for so long, they refuse to "go back" like they need to to hold the jaw where it belongs so I wouldn't have pain etc.

Only ppl who have had this and had help understanding it realize how crazy it makes you feel...how it affects your head, neck, shoulders, stress and response to stress, sleep and bruxism etc... grrrrr
Yes, while the system is horrible, it used to be worse in many ways.. now it's bad in only a few ways and still unbearable! hehehe

[hillbunnyb]

Oy gott, whoa nelly, and Don't Let Them Get Me (again).

After I got rid of my teeth, I had to walk around with my mouth open, waggling my tongue making the sound: ooyaahh repeatedly, to try to release, strengthen, whatever ... the muscles at the back of my mouth, down my neck neck, etc. I still do it occasionally if I'm stressed and seizing up.

I have found dentists to be the last of the medicos to realize they must consider the whole person, not just the part they are working on. By the time they're done with me, I don't want to sit and chat and give feedback, I just wanna go home and hide and lick the wounds they've so purposefully and precisely inflicted. I have yet to meet a denture wearing dentist....

I've spent many hours, in many chairs, for many baby dentists to practice on me at their school... scarey. At this point, it costs so much for the education, a student has to be drooling to not graduate. The stories I could tell ya.......

No easy fix for you kiddo, darn it anyway!! Glad Burt figured some of it out for you. Not even the rich and famous can buy decent dental care, it's that rare. I always crack up (my bad) when rich people's dentures make them whistle on s's. Levels the playing field for a minute and validates my hypothosis: dentists are still in the dark ages of medicine.

I have myself set up with a self designed bed. We filled a water bed mattress with rice hulls. Then put some layers of cushionng (camping pads type stuff) on top to create a "neutral" (think astronauts) posture for to lay my body down on. Pillows on each side to hold and support my arms. Puffed up to type here, or read.

Then, many times a day, I set a pillow just so, under the back of my neck, that allows my body weight to droop slightly down toward my waist, creating a bit of traction for my neck. I put a droopy pillow on my forehead to create just enough pressure to hold my head still enough to create the traction. My knees-to-feet are up on a pilow, I scooch my butt down to find the point of optimum therapy. Then, I work through my relax routines. The rhythm of my life thusly rolls out.

The only thing worse than knowing the truth is not knowing the truth.
hillbunnnyb