REAL PAIN BUT NO PAIN?!?

anyone know what it means when you do SI to feel 'real pain' but have disassociated so much that there is absolutely no pain at all? It has been a LOOOOOOOONG time since i was in this place. its been a little while since i SIed anyway, but with things slipping I am too... and i can't afford to. I have FAR to much to lose...

I absolutely understand! Before I started seeing a PTSD specialist I felt just like that. I call it "numbing out" There are times I will SI and not even know it. Thats when I was told I was disassociating. I hate that feeling. If you ever need to talk just let me know. I wish I had some advice and the best thing I can tell you is what my therapist told me and that was this......SI can be almost ritualistic, for instance what you use or where you do it, etc. She told me to change things around like getting rid of what I would usually use to SI, have a journal out where I would normally SI. Not sure if this is making any sense but I just want you too know you are not alone when feeling the way you do. If you ever need to talk I'm all ears. Stay safe and strong.
HUGS
Cher

thanks cher. i really appeciate your support and the advice you had. Unfortunately I SI in all sorts of diff ways, and the other night was with 'things' around the home. I do not go out and buy razor blades, for instance, and i cannot be bothered trying to break a razor into pieces to get to the blade inside- unless i am totally desperate! I have found so many other ways it is NOT good . But I will keep re-reading your post and try to heed the advice of you and your therapist as much as i can. Thanks again, Irish

You bet Irish!
BIG HUGS!

Dissociation usually results if you wish to get away from psychic pain. IMO self harm can escalate when you do want to feel (real) pain and you continue to dissociate... thus the more dangerous activity. Please keep yourself safe.

I am trying, thanks _sky. i've just been grocery shopping and found myself staring at the razor blades. I don't even know how I got to be in that position (except for the fact that with Easter upon us the store was SOOO busy and you could hardly move down any ailse without major traffic congestion!). But I stopped buying them ages ago so while I could easily have put them in the trolley w/out realising i 'woke up' to see where i was and just continued with my shopping. So i guess that's a good thing. Long may it last

Good job irish!
HUGS
Cher

I think maybe...one time I was really depressed and I started to feel nothing, which sounds like an oxymoron, but it was true. I described it as me being able to sit there, and have someone trip and fall and break their head open in front of me and me not budge, look, or care. I was too 'far away'. It was horrible, I couldn't stand the nothingness, so I got up, went inside, and SI'd for the first time in about 7 months. Haven't done it since then (about 2 months) but I know what you mean b/c when I did it, I HAD to and while I felt it, I felt the pain but it wasn't pain. It I don't know...hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

Good luck to you and please try to take care of yourself and stay safe!

yeah, i know exactly what you mean. If only there was some magical cure for ALL of this... one day maybe?!?! Meanwhile I sit here, inbetween taking care of no2 daughter, thinking about all that needs done around the house, and am having to go RIGHT now as I smell the nappy in front of me . Thanks for the post

Damn, again I fail. I guess all the stress and emotion of this evening was too much, and then staying up til this time way after taking my sleeping tabs was a REALLY stupid idea, esp when I consider having to get up to bubs in the morning and I took my full quota, something I haven't done in a long time (no, not an OD, just the max I'm allowed in one day!) Well, I hope tomorrow (oh, it's today now ) will be a bit better...

just 2 add, i kinda slept in a bit, but allowed no2 daughter into bed with me. 2day feels a lot better than it did last night...

I'm happy too hear that irish!
HUGS
Cher