[kimmydawn]

****sensitive topic even though it's about a baby****



he's potty training for number 2. he's got number one down pat. however, i've explained to him that he's a big boy now and his poop is too big for a pull up and that's why there's a mess.

well, he's decided not to poop in the pull up becuase of the mess and won't go in potty and that means he's not going. he's held himself all night. it was pitiful.

i don't think he's constipated, but holding it. however, he may be constipated. ugh. he's so sensitive! i don't know what ot do for him. i've coaxed, loved, bribed, everything...he's miserable tonight.

the reason now that i think he's constipated is he asked me to help with medicine (something the dr's told me to do for daughter when she had a problem)...no luck.

tomorrow will be prune juice if he'll drink it.

suggestions please?

thanks!

kd

as long as he is eating he will eventually go. thats what my family physican told a friend of mine who he was her family doctor too. her child has ADHD and has a big problem with control everything not just bathroom areas. My doctor told us in regards to this boy was to not focus on the act of going or not going. we wouldn't do it otherwise with any other family members so doing it with a child who is refusing to go will not do anything but to emarrass or cause more control problems so instead the trick was focus on the diet. hi fiber (beans and such and plenty of liquid so the child doesnt get constipated or plugged up in his efforts to control his changing world. eventually physical need out weights mental control and the child is soon going on the potty. Also having child size potty chairs or seats that fit on the toilets with a step stool in which the child can have their feet touching while still sitting on the seat reduces fears of falling and so on. Also having a supply of childrens books that stay in the bathroom only for potty time also helps the child with the idea of wanting to be in the bathroom the amount of time it can take to go number 2 for children that don't like to take time out of their play for potty time.

Does he has his own little potty? If yes, make sure it's a solid one because if he feels by sitting on it he will fall side ways he will not go. Big toilet like we use scares children. They are scare they are going to be swallow up by it.

Another thing, when you go yourself, bring him with you. Show him it's a normal thing to do and that you can even looks at books in there. Make it an amusing thing to do. You can go as far as buying a special soap, something that smell very good, that only, if you went on the potty, can you use it.

This is only suggestions. Good luck!

[kimmydawn]

Thank you so much y'all. we have everything in place as suggested here.

Myself, I was thinking as you told...take focus off of it...he's walking funny to try to hold it in...pitiful. I won't mention it again. When he thinks he's going to go he said, "you'll change me mom?" Of course I respond positively, but yesterday there was ALOT of focus on it by my mom, his mamaw. I haven't done that, so we might be starting at ground zero again.

I'll keep feeding him, with plenty of fluids. If nature doesn't "push" its way in a couple more days, I will go to the pharmacy to see what help is available for that age. Also, I might call his dr. We'll see. However, he's so miserable now, I think it will happen soon.

Ok, so I'm going to ignore it unless he needs me to reassure in the moment.

I'd thought of that actually and am going to follow through.

He's so sensitive. He's having a struggle between diaper and potty and neither feels right.

kd

i have no advice but just wanted to wish you luck with this problem....poor little man......my little makenna is having poop problems too......lol....her mom and dad have had to resort to baby laxatives.....i hope that this is resolved soon for both of you!...(and btw...don't you think little man and makenna would make an adorable little couple??LOL)

[kimmydawn]

IT'S RESOLVED!!! for now...

He just couldn't hold himself anymore...almost panicked poor little thing.

What I did was I knew it was an issue that he didn't feel comfortable going in a pullup anymore, but not ready for the pot, so I grabbed some big thick trainers and said the dr gave them to me and that they're for boys his age that are too big for diapers, but too little for the pot. He was still anxious but then BRAVO! LOL.

I made a big deal out of him and his special poop pants, and we flushed it like a big boy would.

I hope he works this out in his little mind to be ok.

This was rough to watch.

Thank you so much for sharing in "the poop drama"

kd

[kimmydawn]

absolutely

thank you!

kd

[January]

((((((((((((( Little Man )))))))))))))
((((((((((((( Kimmy ))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry this happened. It sounds like the "Big Boy" pants was a wonderful idea.

I suggest applesauce and apple juice so it won't be as easy to hold it in. It won't cause diarreha, but it will make things not hurt.

Hugs,

Jan

[LMo]

You are such a good parent, KD. I respect you so much for the love you give to this little (oops, I mean "big") boy!!!

My former stepkid always got cantalope when he was little and refused to go #2. It was a sure-fire cure.

Way to go. Kimmy dawn. A friend of mine tried this idea too but her child could not get out of the frame of mind that it was ok to go in the trainers so that behavior carried on into normal pants. No amount of anything on my friends side could convince the child differently. The child was 5 years old and still not potty trained. Finally one day the child wanted to go with his father and the father said. no. I will not take you with me again until you are potty trained. the child went into the bathroom and while yelling out to the father don't leave without me he used the toilet.

I knew my child was stuborn so when he was this age I would set out both diaper, and nicki's (I didn't have money to waist on pampers and pull ups) and training pants. If he chose the diaper and nicki he knew it was ok to go as is. if he chose training pants he knew he had to use the potty. As he got older and saw that children his age had fancy briefs of superman, winnie the pooh and so on he chose for himself to be potty trained and wear the colorful and exciting briefs like his friends.

[bearhugs]

Kimmydawn,
You really have a huge challenge to deal with. I am so sorry that I am unable to help really but what i would have suggested would have been the prune juice. I think that it should help as you say if he will drink it..I hope that this problem is resolved for you soon. I am here for you. Take good care, Bearhugs.

[jennie]

Consider viewing it from the child's perspective. It sounds like he is really sensitive to praise and disapproval. According to child expert Aletha Solter, Ph.D., "From the baby's point of view, it is better not to defecate at all, rather than to risk defecating in the wrong place." She also says it takes most babies weeks to learn toilet training given they have the muscles developed (involved in urinating & defecating) and bladder must be a certain size (so he's not going less than every few hours). Emotional requirements include being willing to take on the responsibility. "Sometimes toddlers are busy perfecting other skills, or their attention is preoccupied by stress," says Dr. Solter. She recommends you trust your Little Man and be very patient with him. "The best approach is one that is relaxed, fun, non-judgmental, and matter-of-fact . . . . The less you push him, the quicker he will do it, and the better he will feel about himself." She suggests you use "play therapy" to help him have less fear about using the toilet. Example she suggests:

"Give your child some brown play-dough (to represent feces), a doll, and a small potty, and encourage free play while you pay attention and observe. You can also contribute to the play by pretneding that the doll is afraid of the potty. If you can get your child to laugh, this will allow him to release his anxiety and tension."

from THE AWARE BABY by Dr. Solter

[kimmydawn]

thank you so much.

yes, jennie. i let the training be his idea. he's had a rough life already. he's extremely intelligent but potty traning simply could not be pushed, and i didn't.

he asked me flat out why his pee was making a mess outside his diaper and i told him his pee's getting too big for diapers now. literally the next day, he was trained...literally. not one accident. he also stays dry all night.

i refused to push the #2 as well. i couldn't as i said. he's decided this "whatever" in his own mind. i think he thinks he'll just keep it in and avoid the entire issue. i'm serious. he doesn't like messes and is very sensitive. he's demanded for a long time that i not look when cleaning him up.

i'm just going to have to be here...reassuring the entire way. when i sense that he's holding himself and getting anxious again, we'll put the special "dr trainers" just for him on and then i'll pray...hehe.

i think only time, and a few more poops, is going to rearrange his thinking so that it will be ok somehow.

thanks again,

kd

[LMo]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Example she suggests:

"Give your child some brown play-dough (to represent feces), a doll, and a small potty, and encourage free play while you pay attention and observe. You can also contribute to the play by pretneding that the doll is afraid of the potty. If you can get your child to laugh, this will allow him to release his anxiety and tension."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG... while she probably has some positive experiences to back this up, I can definitely see how it could seriously backfire...

[wi_fighter]

KD, does he ever see your H going? My son went from diapers to the toilet practically overnight. He just decided he'd rather forego the potty chair and training pants and go straight to "the daddy potty" and big boy undies. Talk about lucking out with that kid.

My daughter was a different story. If she was bare butted she'd use the toilet. Any kind of covering, even thin undies, she'd expect to work like a diaper and had accidents.

He'll do things in his own time. It just might be a little uncomfortable for everyone in the meantime.

From my own experience, if you go with prune juice, use a very little amount and expect biiiiig results within an hour. Jumex juice, sold in the Mexican food aisle of the grocery store, has plum nectar that might be gentler for him.

[kimmydawn]

A FIRST FOR ME!!!

He's been holding, but went, right?

Well, I got him in the tub and he got all warm and relaxed and you guessed it!

OMG! I've never had that happen with either of my girls. At almost 43, I've been initiated.

kd

[January]

OHMYGOSH! I think your first would have about been my last! So sorry that happened, Kimmy! I've heard of it but never seen it, thank goodness!

Big hugs,

Jan

[mrb020377]

KD,

My little girl would do this exact same thing!!! She would go int he corner some where and hold it in. she would stand there squeezing her hiney so hard so she wouldnt have to go, that she would be sweating. when you asked her if she had to go she would scream NO!!! WE would have to give her stool softener because she would hold it for so long that when it did finally come out it was bigger than adult size.. I know that is gross but it is the truth. More than once she busted blood vessels in her little hiney!!! I took her repeatedy to the dr thinking she had a medical problem....no problems... she finally out grew it but it was tough!!! No sure i really have any suggestions... we treid everything we could think of!! Nothing seemed to help.

[Sabrina]

My boy, now 8 yrs old, is still in the habit of holding in - but only because he is so afraid of missing out on something. There have been so many accidents because of this.

A little different to your problem, but I guess I understand the feeling!

[kimmydawn]

mel,

my oldest daughter did the same thing. it was awful! she had a difficult poop that hurt and it started a horrible time. i would have to hold her while she shook and whisper soothing words when she would come to me only after she couldn't hold it anymore. There were times that I had to "help her". It was horrible. I was 20, young and scared. we went to the dr many times on that one. children can be so traumatized so easily.

I'm glad it went better for y'all as well.

kd

[Venus]

Does he like liqourice?that can sometimes help if he likes it?

maybe a sticker chart near his potty and let him put sticker on chart when he has finished on potty?

[lenjan]

Black licorice is DA BOMB for making little kids (and grownups too!) do #2. My mom (now 77 y/o) swears by it.

I, on the other hand, get that way with broccoli. But I'm guessing you'll have better luck giving a little kid licorice than broccoli! LOL

Candy

[Sabrina]

I often make smiley face meals as well as other "designs" for my son.

I once made a house with a chimney and the smoke from the chimney was a floret of broccoli. It was the one and only time he ate it raw! Never had that luck again though.

[lenjan]

Sabrina, you sound like the coolest mom ever. Will you adopt me, even though I'm 41?

Candy

[Sabrina]

What a cool compliment!!!!!! (((((Candybear)))))



And (((kimmydawn))) and (((((little man))))) and another huge hug to each and every mom who has experienced poopdom!