I have a problem...

And I'm wondering if people would be able (and willing) to give me their opinion or advice.

Okay, so as people may know, therapy was terminated for me recently due to my T's graduating and becoming "the real deal". He was the first person I've ever spoken to about my past experience of abuse. He recommended I go see someone to work through the trauma and resolve my feelings.

I really wasn't keen on the idea, the place he was recommending scared the crap out of me as an idea. It takes a lot for me to trust someone with my secrets, and going to see a new person for a short period of time to deal with something so hurtful wouldn't exactly give time for me to even begin to trust them.

So I talked to my (now former T's) supervisor, and told him I wanted to talk to someone, but wasn't keen on my T's recommendation.

This supervisor (of my former T) recommended that I go see my FIRST T that I've ever had. Who is a wonderful woman, and I really miss her as a T, because she was fantastic. Therapy was terminated with her for the same reason as my now former male T - they both graduated from their program and went out into the "real world".

I got in contact with my first T - who gave me some details about the place she's currently working and the procedure about what would happen if I came to her organization for therapy.

I'm not exactly keen on $50/session, but I can live with it. Only problem is that it would be completely out of pocket because my "parents" cover me with their health plans and they can NOT find out about the therapy.

So my question is this - do you think I should go to my first T, pay the $50/session and get over my "issues" ... or should I look for someone cheaper ... or should I just suck it up, forget I have this problem to deal with and go it (resolve my "problem") alone?

What would YOU do if you were in my situation?

(And no, my now former T cannot see me. He's a very nice T, but he's gone now so that's no longer an option)

if you can afford the $50 id do that. it can be really really reallyr eally really hard to find someone who you trust and click with.

Thanks (((((((((((alexandra_k))))))))))))) for the quick response.

I can't "really" afford the $50, but I guess I can budget a bit. The pains of being a university student with no job - it sucks!

Am I being dependent though wanting to go back to her? I really like her and trust her and miss her as a T. What if it hurts me more to go back now and then have to leave again... I love the way she goes about asking me questions, and she has my respect and trust but at the same time I don't want to bother her with my problems when other people might need her more. What if she finds me to be too difficult? I've changed a lot over the past year. What if she can't help me?

What if, what if...

but at the same time, I can also list off all the stuff I really like - like the type of therapy she does, how she frames her questions to me, her warmth and caring towards everyone, and the fact that I trust and respect her a lot help as well.

Ack. This is why I can't make any decisions on my own... I think too much.

sounds like time to talk 'sliding scale' to me. could you ask her if she is able to do siding scale for you given your circumstances?

Apparently that IS the sliding scale. It's the student rate. haha

It's through a Christian based group, and it said that you can get funding for the sessions from local churches but that idea just scares the crap out of me. I dont' want to get a whole bunch of people involved, you know?

I guess if it happens, it would make me feel better to pay for myself since it could potentially force me to be more productive. Money is a good incentive sometimes I guess.

right. yeah, i hear ya. best people were doing over here for their student rates was $100 per session (australian dollars). still too expensive for me, though i did think a bit about whether it might be managable if i were to go fortnightly... i thought long and hard long and hard... and realised that it was still too expensive though and that fortnightly sessions wouldn't be enough.

is this a rate that she quoted to you or was it the rate that her agency quoted to you? i'm wondering because it might be possible that she has the scope to make a further reduction... though of course it might not be possible.

otherwise... sounds like you need to try and find someone else who can see you on a sliding scale (though that might be tricky). if you go and see her... it might be that there can indeed be some further negotiation.

It is so hard to find a good therapist. I would see her myself but that is a personal decision that only you can make. It sounds like you are ready to address some things in your life so maybe it is time. Just some thoughts. Take care. I know you will make the right decision for you.

BB

I like the idea of your former T.... and $50 though expensive...particularly on a student's money...it is a good deal. You already have trust and history with this individual. It sounds good to me. You mentioned short term... how short term are you thinking?

I did have a time when insurance was not paying and I had a running tab so that I paid even after I left therapy for a bit. I am not sure of the guidelines this place might have but might there be any wiggle room ... Your T knows you are a good egg and payment source. Sometimes I know it is questionable but worth asking.

I am pleased for this opportunity for you Canders.

Yes, by all means go. What an ideal situation. A T you already know and like and $50/session is a deal.

I'm really happy for you. I think you are maybe letting your fear of working through the trauma get in the way of accepting this wonderful opportunity.

Go for it, Christina!!

That's expensive, but worth it if you can go back to someone that you know you click with. Do you think she'd flex it a bit if you spoke with her? Since I have increased my sessions to 2x per week it has been a big strain. Especially since sometimes I have to use a parking garage if I can't find free parking. But.... it is totally worth it for now. I just have to cut corners on other things.

Ha ha, it's nice to write that. Wish I actually did it, instead of spending impulsively.

But anyway... I think it's a great opportunity to get back with a T that you have already established a connection with.

(((((((((((alexandra_k))))))))))))))))

this is actually the fee she quoted me unfortunately. *shrugs* I'll find a way to budget.

thanks (((((((((((bb))))))))))))))

By short-term - I'm thinking however long it takes to get through my trauma. Hopefully no more than a month I'd think.

thanks (((((((((((SecretGarden)))))))))))))

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ECHOES said:
I think you are maybe letting your fear of working through the trauma get in the way of accepting this wonderful opportunity.

Go for it, Christina!!



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Guilty!!

I was hoping it would all go away, but since it seems to be getting worse - you have to go through it to "get over it"... I think.

Thanks (((((((((((ECHOES)))))))))))))

((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))

Go to the t and find healing so you can be free for the rest of your life. Just imagine your life free of the pain and hurt. I don't want you to go hungry or anything like that to do it, but if you can manage the payment please go.

Hugs,

Jan

A month or three months.... if that is it.... it is WELL worth the money spent. Go for it gal. Rock on....

High Fives Canders.

I'm the compulsive shopper too... so this will be an interesting "experiment" to see if I can actually do it - spend money on therapy, and not so much on everything else.

thanks (((((((((pinksoil))))))))))

Christina,

It sounds like you know what you want to do, and I agree about seeing someone you already trust (how much more would you spend if you started with someone else and it took a long time to get to where you could talk about what you need to?). I know that money can make it hard though. What I wonder is why it is so important to you that your parents don't find out? What would happen if they did know you were in therapy? They would not have any right to any of the particulars since you are of age. And I do understand about it being scary - I never told my parents I was in therapy either (and know I'd rather like to open up communication in that area, but I don't know how to bring it up). It certainly is your right not to let them know, but since you have the insurance coverage it is also your right to have that funding. And what are your objections with getting help from a church or someone else? How is that different from getting a lower rate from a therapist? Either way, there is financial support offered from somewhere. And it is there for a reason. Some day you won't be a student anymore, and you will have a job, and you can give to someone else who needs support to get treatment. Or, would working part-time be an option for you? You wouldn't have to work a lot in order to earn $50/week.

So, my advice to you would be to go to the therapist you are most comfortable with, and maybe use part of a session to talk about your financial concerns and what stops you from accepting help from sources that might be available. You can still decide to budget and pay for the sessions yourself, but it might be beneficial to you to talk about why you don't see the other sources as options. Either way, if it's right I am sure that you will work it out.

Rap

(((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))

I'm imagining being able to not think of the guy as an %#@&#! for the rest of my life. I just need to get over it since I already know it can't all be my fault (if at all).

Thanks

((((((((((((SecretGarden))))))))))))))))

This is me with high hopes, with her knowing my previous history that the healing process will be a bit fast-tracked.

((((((((((Rap))))))))))))

You always give so much to think about

Well, to be able to trust my T to tell him what I told him ... it took like 8 months. Something tells me that I can't afford to wait that long.

My parents can't find out because the "trauma" I'm working through ... it involves one of them. The other parent doesn't know. They have also already made it clear when I accidentally slipped up and told them I was in therapy for the first time last year that it was unacceptable. Apparently my family believes in solving all our problems by ourselves, without the aid of others. They think psychology is a load of crap too ... kinda funny since I'm IN psychology. Believe me, I'm never going to hear the end of it. So in conclusion to this part, my parents just aren't supportive.

If I could find a job, I would. It's just very hard when I'm solely an English speaker (and in Ottawa, it's better to know French as well) and I'm physically disabled (wheelchair). Basically all the cards are stacked against me but I continue to try, to make my family happy with me.

I'm just not crazy about ever asking for help. Or talking, because I see it as wasting someone's time. But she (my former T) got me out of that mindset with her. But yeah, I think that will probably come up in some way.

Thanks!

canders, I think the $50 is a great deal. Really inexpensive! Most T's in my area are over twice that. You will not find a better deal anywhere else. Plus, it is with a T you know and respect and feel you can work with. Sounds like a win-win situation.

Could you get a part-time job to help with this extra expense? Maybe even working a half a dozen hours each week would be enough to help. Maybe your school has positions available that would mesh with your special needs.

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Basically all the cards are stacked against me but I continue to try, to make my family happy with me.

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Perhaps this should not be your primary concern at this time. They are adults and responsible for their own happiness. I hope you can make it a top concern to work on your own happiness!

A great advantage of working with this T is that she is now established in practice and could give you some stability in therapy. My heart has gone out to you as I have read your posts about doing therapy with the temporary trainees at your school. So hard to start therapy with someone knowing that they will leaving you soon.

I have a tiny problem with getting a job as well... I have to make over $750 a month to make it worthwhile. I get disability benefits, and they take that cheque away if I get a job. So unless I make over that per month... there's not much point. (And the disability benefits don't cover therapy)

What I meant about my job and my family being happy with me is that it was THEIR suggestion I look for a job in the first place. If I do what they say, then they leave me alone.

Quite true about the stability though.

Thanks ((((((((((((((sunrise))))))))))))))))

I understand better now about the job, canders. Thanks for explaining. I hope you can find a way to do the therapy. Could you earn a little money each week "informally"? I don't want to suggest you break the law, but there are ways to work for a few hours and get compensation "off the books", such as tutoring. My daughter has a private math tutor each week for a 2 hour session and we pay him $50 for that. Could you do something like that?

Good luck getting this to work out. ((((hugs))))

I would go with whomever you are comfortable with rather than looking for bargain basement prices. $50 is cheap to me; I paid $100 a session out-of-pocket. Another option is saving up some while you think about it, get a T fund going :-) but I definately think therapy would be worth it, especially if you can get longer-term therapy with someone you like/do well with?