I wish I have it. I have the apparently melanoma-caused moles. If all ends up me being diagnosed with melanoma and it metastasizes to other organs and tissues, I am gonna be like, "OH YAEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" Truly. No joke.

My mom died of cancer, so your post really hurts my heart. All I can offer is a big hug and I hope you feel better.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry to hear this..

It saddens me to read this, Chemist, cancer's a horrible way to go

Possible trigger:

Brain cancer is what took Ebony and I watched it cause her to have severe fits almost to the point of her back breaking, judging by how much twisting and turning the fits she had on her last night on earth was

Cancer was also what stole away my first cat Beauty, in her case she couldn't use the litter tray and he weight plummetted really bad before diagnosis and considering I had a year-long fight to get her weight up, it was such a helpless feeling seeing her weight go back down to almost what it was before the vet found out what was wrong

[Deejay14]

If you really think that it will surely change when you have to go through treatment or the pain of not having treatment. My husband has had melanoma and colon cancer. My sister is currently going through treatment for breast cancer. It's hard to be witness to, but much harder to be the one who has to brave the treatment. It's an experience that changes you whether you are the patient or the caregiver. I feel for you that you feel so bad. That is hard to but please try to be more sensitive.

[mote.of.soul]

I understand what you're saying TLC, sure. It's an expression of the wish for your sufferings to end - just like everyone wishes for that. Yes. Hang in there brother. You can and will conquer these daily demons. You have a very sharp mind.

((((TLC))))

[tecomsin]

I've been diagnosed and treated for lung cancer. That was in 2016. I asked for an xray as part of a physical after I quit smoking and there it was. Never had symptoms...So far so good, but I know given the beast that lung cancer is that it could come back at any time. It's not only about dying but also about dying a slow, painful death.

[MtnTime2896]

I completely understand that. When I was diagnosed (4 years ago today), the doctor had Kleenex ready. Boy did she looked taken back when I smiled. But then I had to face everyone I love and to tell them the news. I couldn't let them see me go without a fight. It would've hurt them too much. So, I fought it. And so far I've been winning. When I was told I was in remission, I got real quiet and thought to myself "But I was ready". That doctor was thrown off too.

Me telling you this is just another way for me to explain that I understand, at least a little. Oh, and my cancer was stage three melanoma.

I'm not encouraging you to refuse to fight it and I'm not hoping you have it. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But it's also your life to do with as you will.

Originally Posted by LostMyMuchness

My mom died of cancer, so your post really hurts my heart. All I can offer is a big hug and I hope you feel better.

I am sorry. You're not a person that deserves to be hurt. I am sorry for my wording too. It's just that I do not want to live like this anymore.

Originally Posted by whispershadow

It saddens me to read this, Chemist, cancer's a horrible way to go

Possible trigger:

Brain cancer is what took Ebony and I watched it cause her to have severe fits almost to the point of her back breaking, judging by how much twisting and turning the fits she had on her last night on earth was

Cancer was also what stole away my first cat Beauty, in her case she couldn't use the litter tray and he weight plummetted really bad before diagnosis and considering I had a year-long fight to get her weight up, it was such a helpless feeling seeing her weight go back down to almost what it was before the vet found out what was wrong

I am sorry for your loss. Ebony did not deserve what happened to her. I am feeling bad that she had fits. I always wanted a pet but my parents never gave me one, even as I was supposed to be independent by now.

Beauty and Ebony, may their souls be happy.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

If you really think that it will surely change when you have to go through treatment or the pain of not having treatment. My husband has had melanoma and colon cancer. My sister is currently going through treatment for breast cancer. It's hard to be witness to, but much harder to be the one who has to brave the treatment. It's an experience that changes you whether you are the patient or the caregiver. I feel for you that you feel so bad. That is hard to but please try to be more sensitive.

I am dead set on dying, or at least escaping this environment. I have around 10 conditions which affect my everything... I cannot list all the reasons why I want to not live like this (and even die) in this post, but I think it's a blessing for me... please don't be hurt.

I am a brain damage patient but I am treated like a criminal in my home.


I am not ever going to get treated for my melanoma.

In case anyone's interested how it happened, here's it.

Possible trigger:

I took an overdose of betablockers when everyone was asleep, took an overdose of risperidone, cut my left arm with a blade my mother uses to clean dishes with and slept. In the next few days I had horrible encephalities and chicken pox and body pain. Those chickenpox bumps turned into basal skin carcinoma and I have at least three of these bumps black still, which I am hopeful are evolving.

I was born very smart. But due to my infantile trauma, the environment, the abuse, the isolation, the malnutrition, I have become intellectually disabled.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I've been diagnosed and treated for lung cancer. That was in 2016. I asked for an xray as part of a physical after I quit smoking and there it was. Never had symptoms...So far so good, but I know given the beast that lung cancer is that it could come back at any time. It's not only about dying but also about dying a slow, painful death.

It's better to die in a hospital rather than live 30 years just to be abused and then die a pained death. And have the words, 'The biggest joke ever' engraved on your tombstone.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I completely understand that. When I was diagnosed (4 years ago today), the doctor had Kleenex ready. Boy did she looked taken back when I smiled. But then I had to face everyone I love and to tell them the news. I couldn't let them see me go without a fight. It would've hurt them too much. So, I fought it. And so far I've been winning. When I was told I was in remission, I got real quiet and thought to myself "But I was ready". That doctor was thrown off too.

Me telling you this is just another way for me to explain that I understand, at least a little. Oh, and my cancer was stage three melanoma.

I'm not encouraging you to refuse to fight it and I'm not hoping you have it. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But it's also your life to do with as you will.

I have lived as a corpse ever since I was born... I go through horrible experiences every day. Worst of all my psychiatrist has told me I cannot be a doctor. My parents have made me intellectually disabled even though medicine was my calling from my birth. They think in extremities. I could go on, but it has no point. My psychiatrist just sits and watches as my cognition is destroyed day by day. He could have called the cops, could have counseled my parents, could have prevented all this. He chose not to.

I am feeling like I am the crazy one. I am not going to have neither social life nor academic life. Everyone laughs at me. Tells me I am useless. I have no friends. The only support is my college professors. But even they're acquaintances and cannot do anything other than give me confidence.


There's no point in living like this. I don't want to end up living 'till my 30's just to get rejected at every phase in life with a B.Sc degree. I want to live a normal teenage life, get into med school, become a doctor, research on diseases and help people. A life any doctor would have. I am not asking for Gregory House's skills, I want to make a positive difference in this world and most importantly not be viewed as a joke, and suffer throughout the whole day in every possible way.

[Rive1976]

I hope you will reconsider and get them checked out and treated. The world is a better place with you in it.

I am not checking it 'till it becomes at least terminal. Then I am going to get it checked and lie in the hospital bed for the good rest of my life. At least not a doctor but a patient.

My primary doc is concerned, asked me if he could prescribe me a cream, I denied. Although he didn't (and couldn't) outright diagnose it as cancer, I wish it is.

I am not changing any of my routine. Cause it's gonna hurt if it isn't cancer. So yes, I am sill studying for the medical entrance examination and still doing my graduate studies.


Dnester, thank you for your kind words.

You are worth much more than what you think, Chemist, I do hope you'll reconsider

I am not super depressed or anything like that. I certainly do want to live. But I want to live an independent, medical life. It's funny that now I think about it, my mother always wanted to scare people and make people be 'awed' at her. That's the reason she wanted to be a top ranking administrative officer. She couldn't, because her mental health isn't good she couldn't possibly compete with tens of thousands other individuals giving the very exam, she doesn't realize this and still has aggression fits whenever she is reminded of her administrative career. Now, I don't find "making people fear you and respect you" a good reason to join the administrative unit of the government.

I am, on the other hand, exactly opposite. I want to help people and make a living out of it, doing what I love. That is of course diagnosing the biological disease (that includes mental disorders), coming up with a treatment plan, discussing with colleagues and of course doing lab work (if I get into something like pathology.) I always had interest in science. Always.

Now when I think about it, my primary doc did discuss my case with my psychiatrist and they came up with a treatment plan. The primary doc would tell me I am physically fit to be a doctor and the psychiatrist, without giving the reason, would tell me I am not fit. That is, of course, adding mental illness while subtracting biological cause, which would make it a neurosis. That means all my problems are psychogenic and I just need to focus on studies.


This would be great, of course. As I have deduced what goes inside my doctors' heads with enough evidence and a good amount of probability, I must double-specialize in nephrology and infectious diseases. Then walk with a cane.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

You are worth much more than what you think, Chemist, I do hope you'll reconsider

I agree!

[Aviza]

I know exactly how you feel. If I ever got cancer which unlike you doesn't make me happy because it's an awful disease, I wouldn't seek treatment is what I once said. I had a cancer scare this year and talked treatment. So things change. Keep working on your mental health.

Thank you for sharing views with me. I will actually consider getting them checked, based on what my psychiatrist says about my future. He has assured many 100 times there is nothing wrong with my environment, but he's just making the best out of the situation.