[greyclouds]

So things have been up and down, my son is 10, I've tried setting rules, given him chores, removing his favourite things when been cheeky.
My son is not naughty he just has a mouth on him. I'm so tired of fighting him every single day, do this do that, he won't even get ready for school unless I keep telling him, then we end up arguing.
I really not sure what to do with him any more?
I also get scared that I'm being so negative towards him, that he will grow thinking I didn't care about him, or that he was unloved.
I suffer with mental health issues and I don't want him to be the same because of his childhood.
I finding it sooo hard right now, and I see this look in his eyes sometimes I not sure what it is but like his trying to see how far he can push me.
I have my parents and they help out but even they are fed up with his constant attitude, and wanting.
I love my son every much I just want is to be happy.

Have you tried sitting down with him and coming up with a list of his responsibilities together and perhaps a reward system? I hear a lot of ordering around and punishment mentioned by you, but nothing about catching him doing things correctly. Put his responsibilities and acceptable behavior in writing together, and come up with some rewards together that he might be willing to work toward. You can also come up with some logical consequences for things like backtalking, etc. if you need to, but try to make the system reward-heavy so that it is about doing the right things as opposed to not doing all the wrong things.

[nicoleb2]

I have a 10 year old daughter and I can really relate. At this age I think a lot of it can be testing boundaries. They're not really a little kid anymore, but they aren't a teen either. Trying to assert their independence, but not really knowing how to do that in a good way.

I agree with trying to let him help come up with chores that he can do. If you can, offer rewards, but not big things because you don't want him to come to expect grand gifts for doing what he is expected to do as a member of the family.

Natural consequences are good too. If he doesn't help wash clothes, he wears dirty clothes. If he doesn't help load the dishwasher, he has to hand wash his dishes before he eats.

Now here's my disclaimer, a lot of the consequences ideas I have gotten from my t, and it is HARD to get it going and keep it going. I am working on that process now too.

Kids can be a real challenge, a lot of the time!

[sad_dad2012]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

So things have been up and down, my son is 10, I've tried setting rules, given him chores, removing his favourite things when been cheeky.
My son is not naughty he just has a mouth on him. I'm so tired of fighting him every single day, do this do that, he won't even get ready for school unless I keep telling him, then we end up arguing.
I really not sure what to do with him any more?
I also get scared that I'm being so negative towards him, that he will grow thinking I didn't care about him, or that he was unloved.
I suffer with mental health issues and I don't want him to be the same because of his childhood.
I finding it sooo hard right now, and I see this look in his eyes sometimes I not sure what it is but like his trying to see how far he can push me.
I have my parents and they help out but even they are fed up with his constant attitude, and wanting.
I love my son every much I just want is to be happy.

Please contact me and we'll talk. I'm sorry you are going thru this!!!1

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Have you tried sitting down with him and coming up with a list of his responsibilities together and perhaps a reward system? I hear a lot of ordering around and punishment mentioned by you, but nothing about catching him doing things correctly. Put his responsibilities and acceptable behavior in writing together, and come up with some rewards together that he might be willing to work toward. You can also come up with some logical consequences for things like backtalking, etc. if you need to, but try to make the system reward-heavy so that it is about doing the right things as opposed to not doing all the wrong things.

Thank you for advice, " a lot of ordering and punishment made by you" did how ever rattle my cage.
Not sure if your even a parent or not, but if a child is not getting dressed for school and your waiting to leave for work! Ordering and punishment ie removing phone dont leave me much choice.
But if you have better solution?
Also my son has been rewarded heavy which I think is the main reason I'm in this situation now.
I don't agree a 10 year old should be rewarded for getting him self dressed every day.

Originally Posted by greyclouds

Thank you for advice, " a lot of ordering and punishment made by you" did how ever rattle my cage.
Not sure if your even a parent or not, but if a child is not getting dressed for school and your waiting to leave for work! Ordering and punishment ie removing phone dont leave me much choice.
But if you have better solution?
Also my son has been rewarded heavy which I think is the main reason I'm in this situation now.
I don't agree a 10 year old should be rewarded for getting him self dressed every day.

Actually, I have 3 sons and have taught for 27 years, so I spend 24/7 with kids. I don't have to order my sons or students around generally. I was only basing my response on the little information you gave. You did not mention any kinds of reward at all, only consequences, so I can only base my response on what you say.

I still say you are going to need to engage him actively in coming up with a system that he will buy into. Give him some ownership in this process and he'll be more likely to work with you on this.

I agree, your son shouldn't be rewarded every day for everything, but maybe if you've gone a whole school week and he's basically cooperated in getting himself out the door each morning, a reward that weekend might be in order. Some positive reinforcement, placed as you feel comfortable, is just a kudos for him being cooperative.

You have a son who from the sounds of it is currently not even managing that kind of cooperation two days in a row. So, you start small and work your way up to the point where he does this automatically.