Extremely aggressive 4 year old.

My son will be 4 tomorrow. He has always been a little aggressive and had very bad meltdowns, but lately the aggression and meltdowns are completely out of control. I am desperate for any advice or book suggestions on how I can deal with him better and get him out of this aggression before he seriously hurts himself or my 7 year old or himself. I have tried time outs, been very consistant, I've taken away toys and priveleges, and please don't tell me he just needs to be hugged and loved more. I've heard it before and he is. He can be extremely violent, but he can also be the sweetest little boy, he just goes to one extreme or the other, so he gets plenty of snuggles and love.

Wow, that sounds scary! Has your son been checked out by a doctor? Any underlying physical condition, maybe? Does something happen just before he has a meltdown that could be triggering it? Or does it build up over time and he suddenly explodes? I wish I could help. I don't have any children or know much about them... I hope others respond to your question. I can see how having such an unpredictable and sometimes violent child is frightening and severely distressing.

my son does the same thing, he turned 4 in April. I notice (of course) that it gets much worse with stress. If mom and dad are stressed, he's stress. If anything in his daily routine changes, it's worse. Like if I'm behind in work and need to focus on it, attention is less on him, and he reacts. Strongly. He's also started going this HUGE rebellious stage. telling me no, telling me what to do, telling me what he's going to do. He's testing his boundaries Big time and trying out being like his role models (mom and dad). I wish I had more control over him, but even if there is a long struggle, I do eventually come out on top.....I think...This is not the only phase he's gone through where he's been violent and acting out badly. I think they are phases, just testing. And even though it can get extreme, I think as long as I stand my ground and don't back down, keep everything as normal as I can while enforcing the rules, It will pass. even if it takes waaay much longer than I think it should or could. Believe me I feel for you.

Vossie42, last year his doctor said he suspects mild hyperactivity, but my 7 year old daughter has severe ADHD-combined type, and even with her the outbursts were nothing like they are with my son. I'm worried there is something more going on with him, but until he gets into school where someone other than his very paranoid mommy is seeing the problems, there isn't much I can do. The violence usually is triggered, generally because he doesn't get his way, but that happens 4 or 5 times a day, and with as long as it takes him to calm down and stop screaming, hitting, pinching, kicking, throwing things, etc., it's pretty much constant.

ocdwifeofsociopath, 4 is a bad age as far as them trying to be independent i think lol. But his aggression and being out of control doesn't seem to be in phases so much as a progression, as soon as I get used to whatever level he is at, he amps it up a notch or 10. Everybody keeps telling me it's a phase though (especially my husband) but he also says that about his extremely picky eating and that "phase" has been going strong since he was 2 lol. We will get through it somehow, I just wish I knew what to do to help him, because he can't like being like that all the time.

I know exactly what you are talking about. It's the same with my son. I think it's just another subconscious form of seeing how far he can go. My son amps it up too and he screams and cries so loud I can hear at the edge of my property (not large) with all the windows and doors shut and he in his room. I often have physical struggles with him where I am getting to him to his room and he fights me. I have held the door closed. I know a woman who's son was so violent she would hold the door closed while he pounded against with all his strength for over an hour. My son is really bad when he hasn't slept well and had nightmares. At that point he gets a nap. I feel like i'm doing such a bad job as a parent when these episodes go on for sooo long. especially since I do struggle with coming off as authoritative.

My suggestion would be to get your son checked out by a child psychologist. You can get a referral from you son's pediatrician. If you are worried about him hurting himself or others, this is not a normal phase. Don't wait for him to start school to get help. The sooner the better.