How to protect in this family dynamic?

Hi there,
my sister and I live with my mother and father still together but my mother and father don't speak anymore; things between them are finished. Long time ago I've noticed this, but they were very good in covering that up. They are very religious and the image to the outside world is most important to them. But inside, my father took my sister as a confident, and my mother, who is a little better educated than him, prefers my company. Under the surface, there is a lot of covert anger from the two of them. My father would carefully plan how to hurt me with some hidden message or act, but the main point is to hurt my mother. The same does my mother with my sister. They are fighting through us. They should live separately, better than this kind of anger and rage not openly acknowledged neither displayed.
Is there a label for this kind of dynamic? Is there a place where I can read about this, so I could detect healthy boundaries and protect from this hidden anger?
Thanks

Hello, cureav. Are you and your sister dependent on your parents for a place to stay and support? If not, have you considered moving to your own place? If moving is not an option, have you and she considered talking to your parents about how they use both of you as pawns?

You ask about a label for what you describe. I am not a professional. If you are seeing a professional, ask him/her.

Your parents are using triangulation. Both of them. Good luck. If you are an adult and can get out of that environment, it would be healthy to do so. If not, get some therapy if you can.

Yes, we are dependent on them, and moving out and our independence was never an option, cause... its like, they never planned to stay alone and take care each other, for them it would be some kind of betrayal if we would leave them alone. The only way is to get married or my sister to get pregnant, cause, on some level, my sister and I imprisoned them, so we need to get into some similar trouble so their deep anger could find an exit and pass on something else.
Triangulation... sounds familiar... I'll search for that again. Yes we are adults, but our parents don't have that capacity to wish us better things than what has happened to them.
Professional help is not an option here. I have a plan of moving out and it will take several months, but I can already feel their envy and prayers for me to fail so they could be the one to be begged.
(sorry for my English)
Thanks for your answers!

Is it possible to take your father aside and point out that he treats you different?

I'm not sure that I understand your question.
Do you mean to talk to him alone, or to try to explain myself to other members of family without him?
My father is an adult child of an alcoholic, and he can't handle a criticism. He lie about every little thing; its like his some kind of survival technique or defense mechanism.
Anyways, some kind of tiredness cough me, too many times I was made the crazy one, too much foggy reality... Lately I find peace in my own space, limiting our family communication cause I am the one who is pointing things out and therefor, cause I am the youngest (even at age 31) , it must be that its not a big deal or it must be my imagination, or "the oldest knows best".
The best way I find peace is when I take some thing into my hand and squeeze it, feel its shape and heaviness, so I can confirm the reality of my perceptions. I guess that I am stopping being fixer creating a boundary.

you mean to talk to him alone, this

Can you get into therapy? I know you said it isn't possible for help but there's sliding scale places that you don't need to use your insurence

First and the foremost thing, discuss this matter with your sister and take a mutual decision. If you think moving out will be the best alternative, then do that and waste no time.

Hello Cureav:
The label I would apply to their behavior is Codependency but that's probably an old term by now so there are most likely a lot more "modern" terms for their bad behavior.
I'd google all of those terms: healthy boundaries, hidden anger, Codependency and see what comes up. You might enter those terms into the search box at the top of this page.
good luck,
jim

Thanks Jimmy, I've detected some pretty weird principles of my parents - they don't allow my sister and me to have a relationship, they see it as a betrayal of some family "emotional contract". Sexuality in our house was always a taboo, an evil, a sin. That's why I catch my undirected sexual urges into some weird fantasies...
I find in my head a number of things that I need to rewire my brain cells from the beginning.
But the first thing are the healthy boundaries, moving out of this house and finding a job cause they are not going to change their principles - they don't even acknowledge it; maybe somewhere deep inside, but their "parent" pride is bigger than that. They live in some imaginary family picture and reality is too threatening for them.
You are right, Codependency is a big issue here. Also, the more time passes, and people are getting their healthy lives around us (neighbors), the more my parents are acting crazy, going back into their shell.
Again, thanks a lot for your comment