[GoldenBunny]

I’ve found myself in a situation with my 11-year-old son that I’m not really sure how to handle. Sorry for the long post, but I’m hoping someone might have some thoughts or ideas on how I can move forward.

I’m a single mom with three boys (2.5, 5, and 11 years old).

About two weeks ago, I made an unexpected discovery in my 11-year-old’s room while I was making his bed. Under the mattress, he had hidden one of my 5-year-old’s diapers (my 5-year-old has autism and isn’t potty trained yet). I could tell it had been used, but it was still dry.

That evening, once his younger siblings were asleep, I took the chance to gently bring it up with him. As soon as I mentioned what I had found, he started crying and looked really frightened. He said he was sorry and was scared I might tell someone. I tried to calm him down and told him I wasn’t angry, just surprised and a bit confused.

I asked if he could tell me why he had hidden a diaper under his mattress, but he had a hard time explaining. He was mostly just upset and didn’t seem to have the words. The only thing he managed to say was that he felt safer when he had it.

He used to struggle with bedwetting when he was younger, it continued until he was about 7 or 8. There was also a brief setback when his father and I went through our separation. So at first, I thought maybe the bedwetting had returned. But when I asked him directly, he said that wasn’t the case, he just felt safer with the diaper.

After our conversation, he became more withdrawn and mostly stayed in his room. He was unusually quiet, didn’t want to play with his siblings, and even avoided playing soccer with his friends like he usually would.

A few days later, while he was out (and I know it wasn’t ideal), I looked around his room while putting away some clothes. I had a feeling he might’ve hidden more, and sure enough, in his desk I found a plastic bag with used diapers that smelled pretty bad. That evening, I brought it up with him, and this time he got extremely angry. He was furious that I had gone through his things and accused me of snooping.

I stayed calm and explained again that I wasn’t angry, just worried. I also said that if he didn’t want to talk to me, he could talk to someone else instead. That only upset him more, he yelled some really hurtful things before storming off and slamming his door.

Later that night, I wrote him a letter and slid it under his door. I explained my thoughts and concerns, but also told him I didn’t think it was okay for him to take his little brother’s diapers. I wrote that if he truly wanted them, he could come with me to the store next time we went shopping.

The next morning, he was really emotional and apologised for the way he had acted. I tried again to talk about why he wanted the diapers, but he just said they made him feel safe, nothing more. He agreed to come with me to the store and get his own.

Now he’s had his own diapers at home for a while, and I haven’t brought it up again. It still feels strange to me, and I’m not sure how to approach it. I just want to understand why, and how I can support him in the right way.

The good news is that he’s been a lot more relaxed lately, more social, playing with his siblings, and even hanging out with his friends again.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How would you handle this? Should I bring it up again, or just leave it for now as long as he seems to be doing okay?

[unaluna]

Could he have started having nocturnal emissions and is uninformed and perhaps confused about it?