Coping with parents: how the other half lives

My parent's aren't really abusive but...

My dad is such a loving, and caring person
Until he just blows up and throws a fit over something little and makes you feel like crap

And my mom and step dad want me to communicate how I feel...
But whenever I do so they really do not listen to me. They DO NOT RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES. They can love me all they want but I can't possibly live in that sort of situation anymore.

I'm changing
My life is changing
And you'd think that your parents would be the last thing to ever change on you. But now they've changed too. I need their stability right now and that's the last thing I'm being given.

I gave my mom and step dad two simple boundaries:
1. I have an excessive need for privacy.
2. Refrain from talking about religion while I'm around
Sadly, those things are apparently selfish or stupid of me to ask for. If I want a lot of privacy then it's just stupid and they bust my chops about it all the time. And apparently not wanting to have religious talk is selfish and ignorant and not only do they not give a crap, occationaly they INTENTIONALLY talk about when I'm around because they KNOW it's upsetting to me and start snickering. They've gone from people who claim to be spiritual and not really liking any organized religion to people who go to church every sunday, say prayer before every meal, listen to their christian rock and think any other belief is woefuly misguided ...this in and of itself is not a bad thing, hey, more power to you if you are like that, but be respectful of others. I'm not with them a huge amount of the time, so is it REALLY so outrageous to not talk about their faith when I'm around? According to them, my brother, and several people here it is.

I love my dad, I love him a lot. Even though my mom and step dad stick their noses up at him because they think he is too closed minded and stuff. (A realatively Conservative Republican most of the time) but he is very affectionate. He really TRIES his best as a parent. Even if he isn't the best comunicator sometimes. What kills me is that I don't know if he knows that I love him back. He's a depressed guy a lot of the time. Occationaly he also blows up over little things too in ways that's probably be sonsidered verbally abusive. But in the end, he always feels horrible about it so I forgive him for his moments.

That isn't to say that I don't love my mom and step dad. But they are starting new lives now, and you can either be a part of it or get out. I don't like their new life so the only option left is to not really be a part of it anymore. Oh well, I guess it was stupid of me to think that now that in their eyes I'm pretty much an adult that they'd be near;y as supportive as I was when I was a kid

As a parent my self and a Christian I would say

That your DAD - is doing the best he knows how with the life he has right now and that he is probably trying to work on his out burst issue since he does show remorse for his negative actions when they happen... hang in there and let him know that you love him dearly - ex: by telling him, giving him hugs & kisses, a card from time to time and helping him around the house or yard.... men bond through doing things with others.

Your MOM - has found a new life with in her heart and she wants to share this new found peace and love with the ones she loves (this includes you), and while she may be over doing it a bit you must remember that she is doing it out of love and not hate or anger. Please do not push your mother & step father away just yet.... they need you and you need them.

I know, and I try to let him know. It kills me to see him emotionally hurting, and see him hurting himself by not taking very good care of himself. It has always hurt me because he has always been like this. And I've always been relatively powerless to help him. I just want to see him happy and healthy, just like he wants to see me happy and healthy. I try to show him I love him...but even though he says that he knows I love him sometimes I wonder if he is just saying that.

My mom...isn't a lot of the problem actually. I get a little frustrated that being the passive "go with the flow" sort of person that she's not going to go crusade for me ...at least in the loud way... like my dad would. But the bitterness doesn't last long at all. But I'm having issues with my step-dad lately. He has good intentions but he goes about things in hurtful ways sometimes...I was going to post this in the thread about my grandma, but I thought it would be more appropriate here:

there was a brief discussion about it between my mom and step dad and he basically rules the house and his responses to the way I feel about religious discussion were "so what, it's our house" to which mom replied that it was my house too and that I shouldn't have to live in a place where I feel uncomfortable, to which he replied "so what, there is two of us and one of her. majority rules." as you can imagine that made me feel like how I felt was utterly worthless so why even bother trying...which is why I gave up. Giving up for the wrong reasons I know, but...who cares at this point. I'd rather live with my dad at this point because even though I know my self-care slips when I'm with him because at least my heart knows I'm valued over there

(for the record, right now I live with my dad but was planning on living with my mom because like I said before I take better care of myself with another girl around)

Hey there Kiaka. With your 2 boundaries.
Privacy: Do your mom & step dad have any reason to mistrust you. Self injury, lying, sneaking out, spending to much time on tv, cell-phone, computer?
I know my oldest daughter 13 says that privacy is ne of her biggest complaints. I just reminder, she has a history of self injuring, sneaking up in the middle f the night to watch tv, sneaking on the computer to email grown men to say she thought they were sexy, wasn't doing her home work....so she no longer even has a door, tv, or phone & no computer access unless it's at school or for school & I have to see it.
She knows she has to slowly earn privacy back

With the religion thing. I can understand "It's my house thing", I word it "It's all our house that Me & your mom pay for & we do get the final vote but will listen to your conserns.
That being said, them intentionally talking about religion just to get a reaction out of you is kind of childish. So treated with child psychology. Ignore it & it will go away. Atleast the moments that are done just to get to you. They may still pray at dinner....then just obstain from the prayer

good luck

Well, I havn't done anything like that to get my privacy revoked. They are getting better about it, but they just seem to think that it's something that I'm too sensitive about.

I guess the big thing is that they've gone from a household that doesn't give you answers, only asks some more questions, and when has a point will explain it and then you explain yourself and then come up with the best decision to this is the way I am, this is the way things are going to be, this is what the answer is, and if you don't like it then too bad this is our house and you are just living in it.

Had a horrible day. School ended making me depressed. Went over to mom's and it just got worse. Apparently the word "god" in any context other then a religious one is a swear word. My step-dad acted kind of rudely to me today...so I just got up and went for a walk.

You know the lilac trees are in full bloom right now. It's one of my favorite time of the year. It's so sad that they will all die so soon. I wish they could bloom all spring, but with lilacs yo only have a window of a week or two. Evidence of this was I took one pink blossom home and even though it was sort of a little sucket to get off the tree imediately a petal fellt off, some movement f my finger and a gentle tug and all the rest follwed suit. Amazing how such tiny and ragile flowers come from a thing as strong as a tree. They are tough to pick but once you do they fall apart in your hands. I bet you could use that for an analogy. A sad one at that.

I got home, and talked to my mom for awhile, told her everything. She basicaly explained that they are just doing their best to prepare us for adulthood because we aren't in a hurry to grow up ourselves...so some pushing is in order. (I just wish they'd push with mittens on) and she wanted me to explain why I find religion so upsetting. I told her it just ....does. And then she went on about how part of growing up is knowing that just because you aren't getting what you want doesn't make your opinion less valid (what I want is for them to be less preachy) and to accept people for who they are even though you still disagree (for some reason I havn't quite hit this milestone in my psyche, sorry folks I guess I'm on that never ending quest to change peoples minds if they don't agree with me) and she also thew in the pick and choose your battles again for good measure. She thinks it's just growing pains and that it's easier for me to be angry at them then it is for me to worry about stuff that's going on in my life right now (this isn't counting the stuff I post here on PC, she doesn't know about this stuff, just 18 year old things that are stressful)

I told my dad about it because I'm still so dang depressed (I just feel like crying and falling asleep) and he was definately on my side on this. He thinks about it the same way that I did when they first became more religious- that it's a phase, they'll get over it eventualy, just like that time they had that reincarnation hase or mom's celtic goddess phase and their south beach diet phase or the "I'm going to move to maryland phase". We are talking about people who change their jobs at least once a year and move half as much as they change their jobs. But they didn't. They are just getting more intense about it. My dad sort of brushed this off, "no offense but I was married to her." no offense was taken, everything he was saying is true and none of it is particularly insulting. (Unlike that time I overheard my step-dad talking to my mom and calling my dad a selfish and lazy sack of **** who can't see past his own stomach) my dad says there is a reason why she used to move so often, but he says he's not going to tell me until later.