Advised to apply for SSDI by my doctor and very scared.

Perna - as usual, you point the way to very good information. I checked out the links and I would consider them mandatory reading for anyone contemplating filing an SSDI claim. Had I known, back when I started, that which I know now, I would have definitely contacted Alsup and listened to them carefully. I suspect they may, indeed, be more on the up and up than the law firms. I think about changing, but then I fear that would just slow things down. Fear and anxiety are my constant companions, now, partly because I feel I got schmoozed into trusting more than I should have.

And, YES, Perna, I think I may end up with a new job skill in my bag after going through all this. I have never truly believed that I was totally disabled from doing any kind of work. I believe I am employable, but not hireable. It breaks my heart.

Saywhat? Thank you so much for sharing what B&B told you. I think they were totally honest with you, which I commend them for. My treatment dates back to 1978 and I am 59 years old. Those are advantages for me. The person you talked to was most likely a clerk - not a paralegal. I called numerous law offices. What you went through is Standard Procedure. The clerk brings the info they get to either a lawyer, a paralegal, or an office manager. In the case of B&B, it was probably a paralegal or an office manager. They decided that your case is kind of "iffy," but has some potential. They feel a good bit of doubt, and that's why they want the letter from your doctor. They don't care in the least whether you are trying to scam the government or not. All they care about is - I repeat, All they care about is: ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE ANY MONEY. If you lose, even on appeal, then THEY MAKE NOTHING. Lots of people apply for SSDI who don't have a legitimate claim. Why? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE - SO WHY NOT? That is part of what clogs up the system. It really doesn't cost a claimant anything to put in a claim for SSDI. (Actually, it costs some time and work and aggravation . . . maybe some fees for medical records . . . not that much of a cost.) The law firm has to pay someone for every minute's worth of attention that gets invested in the claim.

Now I don't want to make you feel bad, but here is something of my experience. I called a bunch of firms. Local ones said call back after I put in a claim and get disapproved. (It's just not lucrative for them to start the initial work.) Every one of the big nationwide firms sounded like they were just dying to represent me. They absolutely loved that I had been on so many different drugs over so long a period of time and had been hospitalized a few times. They wished I had been hospitalized more, but they thought I had a good claim. What they do is kind of like handicapping a race horse. They have it down to a science. Still, like with the ponies, it's a gamble.

Nicoleb2 - WOW I think we'ld all like to hear anything more you'ld care to share.

I have read that Bipolar Disorder gets a more favorable reception at the SSA than a lot of other things. I believe that is, perhaps, due to there being more objective signs of the disorder than with some other things. They want to see behavioral signs of mental disorder.

If I say, "My back hurts something awful.", there isn't a doctor in the world who can say it doesn't.

If I say, "My body aches all over.", there isn't a doctor in the world who can say it doesn't.

If I day, "I feel so depressed that I wish I were dead.", there isn't a psychiatrist in the world who can say I don't really feel that way.

That's why the SSA takes a jaundiced view of these diagnoses. If I say I got back pain, or fibromyalgia, or severe depression, there is no doctor in the whole wide world who can say I don't. Any doctor I go to must say, "The patient is here today reporting yadayadayada." Years ago, it was not unusual for orthopedic units in lots of hospitals to have patients who were getting placebos alternated with narcotics because they were complaining of some pain that nobody could disprove, but nobody could find objective evidence for. On doctors' orders, I used to take a syringe and fill it will salt water and inject it into a patient and tell them it was Demerol. That was because the doctor did not believe that the patient truly had severe pain, or wasn't just looking for narcotics. Still, there were always some patients like that on the Ortho unit where I worked - in the hospital - because no doctor can prove that his suspicion is true. I don't think it is legal to do that anymore. I'm referring to a practice that went on in 1982.

If a doctor doesn't believe a condition is as serious as the patient states, physical or mental, then he will (and must, upon request by the patient) write a letter. He will say this patient complains of such-and-such and reports the following symptoms. That letter is the "kiss of death" as far as getting the approval of an SSDI claim. (IMO)

If the doctor truly believes that the patient is severely afflicted with a serious condition, then the doctor will write a letter that will have a good bit more to it. Mainly, the doctor might say "Here is the change in the behavior of this patient that I have witnessed, or have knowledge of." or "Here is the behavior exhibited by this patient which I find very concerning." or "Here are the very strenuous efforts made by this patient, which have only resulted in repeated failure."

I lost a number of jobs because I either got fired, or my resignation was requested and expected. I was told, in some cases "You have been trying very hard and we think you are a good nurse and very devoted to your patients. However, we believe you are depressed and that it is affecting your work. Unfortunately, we feel keeping you as an employee would create liability issues for us." In each case, I left the job absolutely heart-broken.

It was in 2003 that I was told that by a nursing home where I had been employed. I had started working in nursing homes as a nurse's aide in 1970. I was still working in nursing homes very successfully up to 1997. Then I had trouble keeping up, and went into other types of nursing that were not as "high volume." I didn't do so great. In 2003, I went back to work at a very nice nursing home. When they asked for my resignation, they were very nice and praised my efforts, but said I was not cut out for that kind of work anymore. They suggested I do home care. I immediately wrote out my resignation and gave it to them. They said it would be recorded as a mutually agreed decision and not as an involuntary termination. They were very nice to me. I left, got in my car, drove away and wanted to commit suicide. Instead, I went to a friend and stayed there for days and survived.

In 2005, it happened again.

In 2009, it happened again.

In 2010, it happened again.

On February 7, 2012, it happened again.

From March 30, 2012 until April 8, 2012, I had an interval of feeling fairly okay. I get those intervals now and then. On April 9th, I became depressed. The next day, I awoke severely depressed. That's how I've been for 3 weeks. Today, I woke up wishing I could die.

Eskielover - Congratulations on handling your claim so well. My feelings towards lawyers are much like your own. $150 wasn't all that much to lose. With SSDI cases, the longer the process drags out, the more money they make. I have a sneaky feeling that the law firm I contracted with is planning to make more than a couple o' hundred bucks.

Well, I had some wrong ideas that I think I shared with others.

I have a claim in for SSDI, and I know that could take a long time to get, and I might not get it at all (though doctors and lawyers and social agencies seem to think I will.)

I plan to apply for SSI. I thought that if a person had evidence of disability and had a claim pending for SSDI that they kind of prioritized your application for SSI. I had been told some happy horsetalk about how you go into the "dire need" category and you get expedited.

The intake person at the law firm that I contracted with told me some "stuff" that kind of sounded like that. I guess I must have misheard.

Last week I talked to someone at the law firm and he told me I was completely mistaken! He said that it would be a good idea for me to apply for SSI. (Other law firms I had talked to also told me they encouraged clients to apply for both.) He said, however, that it takes just as long to get SSI as it does to get SSDI. He said that the people at SSA look at both applications together. It is not true that the standard for proving disability is lower for SSI than for SSDI. Plus, for SSI you also have to prove that you are broke, and he said SSA spends a good bit of time checking for any possible hidden assets that you might have.

What about the "dire need" thing, I asked??? He said I would have to be HOMELESS to qualify for that.

I am in shock. It is looking like I may end up finding out just how that "dire need" thing really plays out. I got the last of my unemployment insurance checks this week. I won't have money to pay my rent for June. I AM totally broke.

I am thinking of using my last few dollars to rent a storage locker and put my stuff in there and vacate my apartment. Then I WOULD be homeless. Then, I guess I might qualify for some kind of help or expediting of my applications.

I'm living in an extremely cheap apartment. I have been here for almost 5 years and they just don't raise my rent because they feel lucky to have me for a tenant. Once I move out, I would never get a rent as reasonably nice as this is for what I now pay.

I do qualify for Section 8 and am on a list to get my voucher. I am told the wait could take 2 years. Even if I got it right away after becoming homeless, it would cost the government more to subsidize me in whatever I would then find on the rental market than it would cost them to help me stay right where I am. The minute I move out of here, the landlord will charge the next tenant in where I now live a good bit more than I am charged.

Ritalin is numbing my fear.

I could borrow some money from a relative to pay my rent next month. To me that is just kicking the can down the road. Also, if it seems like I have family to help me out, then it will be even harder to get into that "dire need" classification. Social service agencies prioritize giving aid to people who don't have family to borrow from.

I tell myself - "Well, this just means I HAVE TO get work!" If I could earn even just enough for rent and utilities, my earnings could still be below what is considered "Gainful Employment" by the SSA. My claim could still possibly succeed.

I tell myself that "Maybe I am just FAKING that I can't get work." My doctor more or less told me I was hitting my head against a wall by trying to get back to work. So, partly because of that input from him, I did truly give up - after getting sent away as incompetent from a job in February, 2012 (2 hours after I started the job.)

I mainly wanted to warn anyone who might misunderstand things the way I did. Also, I think I gave some wrong advice to other PC members.

I would borrow the money from a relative, give yourself at least another month to think things out and try to figure out how to get enough income to keep afloat in the apartment where are you; if you rent a storage locker (if it is big enough to hold all your stuff, not exactly cheap) and then can't pay, you'll lose all your stuff. You can pay the relative(s) back when you do get income, either from work or the Government.

I would also check with local Salvation Army and other Non-Governmental Organizations (NGO's), churches, etc. to see what is available in your area for assistance to fill the gap in food and rent.

I'd especially go talk to my landlord, since you are a good tenant and that is known, and explain your situation and see if you cannot do a partial pay for a couple months (so any money you borrow or make will go twice as far until you are less limited).

I'd also apply to the Community Fund Drive here at PsychCentral if you haven't:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...oto=nextoldest

Perna - Thank you. Sounds sensible. I'm sort of partially thinking that way. I have borrowed some money. Still, I think (and may change my mind, back and forth) that I will give a month's notice when I pay my rent in June. Indeed, the storage locker I would need for the stuff I own would be prohibitively expensive. I think of paring it down. I think that I could store what I most need to keep in the apartments of two persons close to me.

I get food stamps and I think I could get cash assistance from the state for about $250. I have a decent car.

My fear is that I will never get SSDI . . . nor any work, for as long as I feel so insecure. I can type at this machine, but can't manage to brush my teeth for days at a time. Can't??? I think that's a farce. I don't think I deserve a darn thing from any source. I should try and find a job doing home care. It's so hard to get hired today. All the background stuff . . . the vetting process just to get even the most menial job. Then - to be sent, at times, to where it feels intolerable to be. The least non-compliance can bring dismissal.

Now, it seems time to just let go of it all. My anger at having taken some harsh treatment leaves me unwilling to take more. I don't feel angry . . . but tired and apathetic. To have lived for so long in constant fear of losing my sustenance makes me defiantly wanting to throw it away . . . so I can not be threatened anymore. Surely, there will be a rude awakening from this phantasy of footloose freedom, unencumbered by responsibillity. Shoulder some of the load or get crushed under it. That is life's justice. I shoulder nothing and haven't done so in too long a while. I let myself become a disgrace. Patiently, so many bear up under all kinds of rough treatment and willingly do the work of living. I could say I did that, too . . . at one time . . . as I did, truly. Much time I spend dreaming of how it once was . . . of how I once was. I tell myself I'm taking a rest and getting ready to endeavor again . . . just as soon as the depression eases. What crap, what self-indulgence. At the bottom of life's heap, do I anticipate finding some longed for fellowship among life's lost souls? What delusions I manage to conjure up . . .
I can't imagine ever managing to redeem myself. I can imagine that I have already gone too far down the easy road of neglect to not have a bitter price to continue paying.

Meanwhile, Ritalin and Neurontin diminish the pain, and I distract myself reading, instead of vacuuming the place. I am waiting for some vision from heaven as to what I might get for my efforts if I applied any. It doesn't work that way. You have to apply the efforts without knowing what the outcome will be. But, surely, people work in the hope of something.

If I could only get away from myself, as I am driving myself crazy.

I hug you Sending a little hope your way. I, too, am a lost soul, lost from such callous, cruel treatment from the so- called 'human beings' of this fallen world......we gather here in PC in sisterhood, loving and caring for each other's, healing our all-too-deep wounds....

We do what is important to us, what we need for ourselves. At the moment, you need the time at the machine and your teeth aren't going to drop out if you don't brush them; you go a hot lover you're kissing and worried about your breath?

It's anxiety about teeth that take up so much of our energy that we can't do much; I have a party I'm hosting on Saturday and am giving myself a huge wedgie about dust! Put things into perspective! Your mother got you into the habit of brushing your teeth and it get over-emphasized when we are depressed, gets used as a "A ha! You're not brushing your teeth!" anxiety adder-oner. Don't let other people define what is best for you. Listen to what they have to say, their advice, etc. but you are in control of what you want and need and do.

Rose, please talk to your landlord about going month to month as you wait this out. In your heart of hearts you know he will not want to lose you. If you have that good of a deal it might be better keeping your apartment than not having it. Do consider Psych centrals fund drive here, I know I would contribute, you have been a support to me. Do not think lightly how good it has been to have positive and understanding feedback from you. I am sure that I am not alone in valuing your words of empathy and wisdom.

I wish there was more I could say, when it comes to SSDI I always feel like a fraud. I was 28 or 29, college educated, and I had always worked full time right up to the time it all fell apart. When I was pregnant I worked as a CNA in a good nursing home until my due date-then they sent me home for liability reasons, I'm sure you understand that. All factors against me getting SSDI, I had DID, and PTSD(now changed to CPTSD), in a short time been hospitalized multiples times with serious suicide tries and I am by the federal standards deaf(I have never considered my Deafness a disability-they do) I only applied because both my Pdoc and my reg doc along with my T were constantly arguing with me about it I wanted to work and even I knew at that time I was unable to, but I wanted to anyway-I was in denial. I was slowing down treatment by going on about work, if I just got back to work it would all go away--but all my real job skills(art is not really a job skill, its a devotion for me) are with people. I told them I would only apply once and when SSDI turned me down they had to stop pestering me about it and accept the decision. I have a feeling that statement was used that in the letter the Pdoc wrote. I don't know what was said, I don't know what my precise disabilities were on the SSDI forms, at that time, it was pretty bad, I lost lots of time, dissociated days and months. I do not remember ever talking to any officials from SSDI, I'm not sure if I did, or had to. I was unable to keep food down, I was underweight. I suspect they may have put down anorexia too, but it was just anxiety, and PTSD, I jumped at every sound, I had also recently separated from an abusive husband but he kept finding me. The day I received the letter that not only had I been accepted I had been given long term disability they did not expect me to ever return to work, or get better. I was not yet 30. I tried SU that day, I felt I was being told my life was over.

I feel guilty when I hear how hard it is for other people who need it and deserve it. I don't remember filling out very many papers. I think the doctors did most of it once I agreed to try. I think it is horrible how many people who don't need it clog up the system and worse how many law firms like to drag it out so the first check is bigger and they get more. They do not seem to understand what it is like for those who have to live on nothing to endure uncertainties month after month. Living with the unknown is a far greater hardship than living with any known hardship. I have used up all my work trials plus 18 months extra I got for entering a study. Turns out they were right, I have never been able to keep a job, SSDI doesn't ever keep up with the economy and I have always wanted to go back to work, oddly no one has ever helped me get the jobs I had. Except one job, working for the state tax department that I received when I was "state committed"! I however talked them into a half way house, as the law states you must be placed in the least restrictive placement possible and I kept getting judged on my deafness, which has nothing to do with my disability. On paper it sounds like I am so low functioning I can barely tie my shoes, in person I am a force to contend with and have a large commanding vocabulary, most people do not know I'm deaf if I do not tell them. They think I'm ignoring them, or a snob, or many things. So no one ever thinks I need help. I have begged for help just to have a representative who would fight for me when things start going south, I am either so highly functioning I get no help, or they want to institutionalize me for life! All those jobs! IF I(and you!) had had the help they keep saying is out there. All we ever needed was someone to speak up when things got hard to perform and carry on. Just to give us a break and let us keep a job. Because like you when I'm doing well I do very good work. My employers love my work, I used to get promoted very quickly, now that I'm older, my age is suspicious but they still like my work ethic and values. Not having gotten off of SSDI in over 25 years while inflation has slowly put the necessities of life in USA out of my reach, I would not be able to live without food stamps, sec 8. Medicare and Medicaid. Where I live now a car is a necessity, but I cannot afford gas! I'm supposed to start out patient therapy next week 4 times a week, so I can avoid inpatient. Don't know how I am going to get there, though.

These things(food stamps, sec 8, Medicare, Medicaid) are begrudged to me by a great many vociferous people, publicly, to a great many more cheering public. Like you, I would passionately love to work, but those cheering people who also don't give us a chance to work can't seem to grasp that. There are countries where people with our disabilities are allowed to work, real jobs that fit their abilities when we are well and robust and given RX prescriptions for "rest, vacations" at resort like places when depression or CPTSD takes over. Imagine living in such an enlightened country where you and I could work, and when ill, be treated with dignity and humanity. I had found great volunteer work that helped, it fulfilled something, and when they saw me in an episode, I was "terminated" from a volunteer position! I hope when I come back in my next life it is not as a human, anything but a human. I value life but I'm tired.

Rose I understand your struggle and support you as I can though PC. Keep on going, we may not know all the answers in the infinity of the universe but I do know that you are a very good person. So many of those here at PC are exceptional people, and you truly are. Whatever help is out there you can find it until the SSDI is settled.

Sidestepper - your post above is deeply appreciated. Thank you for understanding.

Can you file for welfare? It might hold you over until SSDI is approved.

Welfare today is called TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.) This is a federal/state program that replaced AFDC (Aid To Families With Dependent Children.) It is administered by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. Both programs are defined as being intended to help households where there are dependent children.

As a single adult, living alone, I don't qualify for TANF. Some states do have a fund to help needy single adults who have a disability. In my state I could possibly qualify, as a disabled person, to get $245/month General Assistance. I believe one criterion, for a person with my work history, is that I have an application for SSDI pending. Even with that, I'm not sure that my state would consider my psychiatric diagnosis as disabling.

To my complete amazement, I have just been given an extension of another 13 weeks of Unemployment Insurance Benefits. (The limit now is up to 72 weeks for persons coming into the system at the time that I did.) I am required to be looking for a job - contacting at least 2 potential employers every week and keeping a written record of those contacts. While getting UIB, I would not be eligible for the General Assistance described above.

I was thinking of trying to get a job as a home health aid or non-medical home care attendant. I have a strong sense that no one would hire me because of my history of job failures. I have a strong fear that I might get so anxious about going into someone's home that I would just quit the job. Then I would also lose eligibility for the UIB that I now get. If I managed to work successfully for awhile, I fear I would have little chance of getting my application for SSDI approved.

Basically, in my heart, I kind of believe that I have 2 options: "Go find a job and do it, or go hang yourself."

This Therapist that I recently got said to me, "Have you considered that you might never get SSDI?" I replied to him, "Are you kidding? Fear of that happening occurs to me a hundred times a day, and that has me living in a constant nightmare." He said that I seemed angry. I said that I felt frustrated to the point of exasperation. To me, that was a senseless question. And his point was that it might be best if I were to go get a job. He said something about me using my anxiety "as a crutch." I believe that he has, in essence, labeled me as a "malinger." "Worst of all, 85% of the time, I find myself thinking: "That's really all I am."

They have a few other suggestions here:

http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/top...ility-decision

but nothing exciting/earth shattering.

I assume you have a pretty tight but good budget/know how much you spend each month? I think I would try to think of 4-10 people I could approach who might be able to outright give me $20+ a month. Maybe I'd make it 20 + dinner out at the place of their choice where they pay for dinner and hand me a $20 :-) If I could, I'd think of situations where I could perhaps "pay them" back in services, like cooking, cleaning, dog walking, watering plants/gardening, house sitting while they're on vacation, babysitting, etc. I'd keep it informal so it was just a small nothing gift but which would net me $100 or two more a month.

I am so glad to hear about the additional 13 weeks of unemployment. It doesn't sovle everthing but it should help for a short while.

Perna - Good link. Informed me about the way "dire need" works and option of claimant writing a letter expressing "dire need." More and more, I am finding I just can't sit back and figure that the law firm and psych care providers will do everything possible.

Sidestepper - yes, it's like I got a 13 week reprieve from homelessness. I really don't want to be taking those UIB fraudulently. I tell myself I have to make an effort to do some bit of work, just to not feel worthless. I have to say, in my state, no one seems to check or care how much effort I am, or am not, making to get a job. It kind of enables helplessness and hopelessness. It has for me, to tell the real truth.

SSA made 3 appointments for me - to see 2 different doctors and to get and X-RAY. They're coming up soon.

One appointment is to see a psychiatrist. I wish I had some idea about what to expect when I walk into this consulting doctor's office. ???????

I will look on the internet. If anyone has any advice, I sure would be glad of any.

I have a medical history of getting psych treatment for the past 34 years. My biggest fear is that where I've been going for the past few years may not have done good documentation. I hear that makes or breaks getting a claim approved.

SSA is sending me to a psychiatrist for a Consultative Exam. Does anyone know what questions I'm likely to get asked? I feel so alone. I get no real guidance from the legal firm on stuff like this.

I imagine they would be regular intake questions.

Rose, have you checked with your county - not state, but county? Does the county have resources for mentally disabled people who are homeless? The fear of homelessness was keeping me up at night until after several months of this nightmare I approached my social worker at the county and asked her if I would go homeless should my SSDI not come back approved fast? She reassured me that the county operates 2 inns for mentally ill people who are homeless and that I should just give her several weeks of notice. Needless to say, I was incredibly relieved. And the inns serve food.