I seriously need help/advice/support. Applying for disability and I'm terrified

I’ve posted before about my interests and concerns in applying for disability, and you can find those if you want to read more about my specific situation. But I’ve decided that I am ready to apply. I have no other options at this point. Now that I’ve accepted that I’m going to be applying, I realize how critical it is to get it done quickly because I know the process is long. But… Where do I start? I have so many questions and concerns still.

Firstly, can someone explain, in great detail, the difference between SSDI and SSI? I don't know which one I qualify for because I can't figure out the work credits thing.

I see my pdoc for maybe 15 minutes once a month. My mental health has slowly been declining for a while, and that is something she knows. But I’m worried that since I only see her for such a short time, I don’t get to go too far into detail about what’s going on. I’m afraid that she’s documented my decline in a way that doesn’t show how serious it is. My application could be denied outright just because of the lack of detail in her notes. I’m afraid to bring disability up to her, mostly because I still feel some amount of guilt in applying in the first place (which I know I shouldn’t, I don’t feel personally guilty, I just don’t want to have to talk about it with anyone because it makes me so anxious). While she knows about my mental health issues, I’m afraid that my normal demeanor when I see her (I dress well, I can talk to her pretty well without seeming anxious or distracted, I usually find myself not being emotional when I tell her that I’ve been having horrible problems with my emotions, sometimes I even forget to mention certain serious problems I’ve been having, etc.) makes it seem like I’m just faking it or looking for an easy way out. So that’s my first set of issues.

I stopped seeing my therapist about a 6 weeks ago because we got into a very heated argument about politics. It wasn’t heated on his part, but the things he was saying about his beliefs are things that I am absolutely offended by, and I ended up having a panic attack and storming out of his office after telling him I didn’t want to see him again. He has called to check on me since, but I will not talk to him on the phone. I wish I could say all that without seeming like I’m being intolerant of his beliefs, but he was saying some seriously racist and not-okay things that make me not be able to trust him as a person. I think he’s a really nice guy and he’s easy to talk to, but I couldn’t stand going back to see him after that. My issue with him and disability is that I’m not sure what he’s documented either. He knows that I smoke pot for anxiety (because I can’t take oral meds for it), and while he wasn’t opposed to it morally, he didn’t encourage it because of the possible legal ramifications. (My fiance has had past legal trouble with pot, and I’m very afraid that if I apply and my notes say that we smoke pot in our home, they could turn us into the police or something?) I’m also very afraid that disability could flat out deny me because of my pot use. I just don’t want to get myself into trouble or into an ugly situation because of it. Also, my Pdoc and therapist work in the same office. I found out recently that, even though I was patients to both of them, they do not communicate about me in any way. That means my therapist wasn’t telling my Pdoc about any kind of problems I was having, wasn’t letting her know that I’ve had serious periods of decompensation. That entire thing in itself makes me really upset because I feel like I’m not receiving adequate care through them.

I guess my last concern is the option of going in to apply for disability at the office in town. This might sound dumb, but I’m afraid I don’t “look the part” enough. I’m a 22 years old physically healthy looking lady, pretty attractive (please don’t take that as me being conceited), I style myself well, I have kind of a mohawk (which is a big deal here, even though it’s more of an asymmetrical short cut with the sides shaved- but my tiny conservative town in the south doesn’t see that very often). I absolutely know that disabilities come to people in all forms and fashions and lifestyle, but I’m afraid others don’t see it as such. I absolutely hate that people pass judgement on things like someone elses’ health based on what they look like or their demeanor in that moment, but I know it happens. I also worry about the fact that I’m pretty okay at talking to people for a short time, and I’m really friendly and smiley - If I were to go talk to someone at the disability office, I’m afraid that they’ll hear me tell them about these problems I have but then not believe that it’s as bad as it really is. “It can’t be that debilitating, she just sat here and laughed and smiled and seemed totally fine!” I hate it but I feel it looks like I’m going to apply for disability for a back injury while entering the office doing cartwheels, if that analogy makes sense. I just want to be taken seriously without having to fake being socially inept or something.

I also want to mention that endometriosis is a huge component of my (lack of) health. It debilitates me for 3-4 days a month, where I literally can't get out of bed of off the bathroom floor, hooked up to my TENS Unit, and my doctor will not prescribe me stronger pain killers than what I have now (which don't work). He's the best specialist in this half of my state, so it isn't a matter of finding a better doctor. I've been through two laparoscopies, uncountable hormonal birth control methods, I even went on low-dose chemotherapy (lupron and synarel) for a year at age 19 to put me into temporary menopause so my periods would stop. The side effects were awful, but worth it in my opinion, but I think I'm still experiencing complications from that medicine. But my problem is that endometriosis doesn't qualify as a disability, and many many many women get denied for that reason, even though the disease is debilitating to some every single day. Do you think also including this in my application for disability could improve my chances of approval?

So I guess I need advice. Where do I start now? I need like, step-by-step instructions on what my next actions need to be. I am doing this with the absolute and unquestionable support of my fiance, which is an amazing relief, but the rest of my family doesn’t know, and I do not plan on telling them. So.. What now? Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. I really appreciate it.

*EDIT*:

I also want to mention my complete anxiety about a possible situation that could arise in this. They determine your eligibility based on whether you can do job functions, mainly if you're able to do unskilled work. But that's my problem- doing unskilled work is one of my biggest triggers for my depression, ADD, rapid mood swings, oppositional defiance, etc. It is a bigger trigger for me than doing skilled work that stresses me out. Doing repetitive, unskilled work in horrible places (like restaurants/fast food) gives me such bad anxiety that the only thing I can think about while doing is that I want to kill myself to get out of that situation. I know it's extreme but it's just where my mind automatically goes when I feel like I'm working in a place that don't enrich me in some way. I'm terrified of getting told that I don't qualify because on paper, it seems like I should be able to sweep and mop floors or make a sandwich for a customer or put together parts in a factory or something. But those things bring out this horrible monster in my brain that really scares me, and I'm terrified of getting back into that position. There's also the fact that if I were to work in an unskilled place with a registered disability, they might give me a work load that is much simpler than a regular employee. That isn't bad, but my worry is that the other employees will see me as this seemingly healthy "able bodied" 22 year old who is just making problems up so that I get cut some slack and don't have to have as many responsibilities. I can't handle hostile work environments like that. Ugh. I just had to add this part in here, thanks for reading.

Hi. I assume you go to a private T. Is it possible for you to go to a city or county MHC? They may have the support structure there to assist you with your claim. Or try our pdoc for some options.

I m sure you will be getting help from others who know about disability shortly.

There are a few here who know a lot about SSA and SSDI/SSI. If none of them notice your post here then try the insurance/finances forum. The first thing you should do is bring this up with your doc and the old therapist maybe. You need them. SSA will send you for an independent evaluation with a psychologist but I don't think that evaluation carries much weight with the people who will make the decision on whether you are disabled or not. I know mine didn't. So having your medical team behind you is crucial.
And yes you should get the ball rolling as soon as possible because it can be a long process.
I do understand how you feel about it though. When I first applied my anxiety level was at 11 and the only room left in my mind was taken up by depression. Also at my core I am a very private person. The thought of opening up my life to the scrutiny of strangers whose job it was to judge me... it terrified me. I'll try to check back to see if the members who helped me understand the process post some answers. Good luck.

SSDI is the one that goes by quarters of time you have worked during your lifetime. It is based on disability and amount of time worked. I believe you need 60 quarters of full time work (which amounts to approx. 5 years)
SSI is needs based . You can only receive that if your income is ridiculously low. Once you apply for one or both, you will most likely be denied. Be prepared to appeal immediately. and KEEP appealing (unless you don't have the work quarters or lack of finances. They look at all you own, bank accounts, more than one car, anything of value.
Can you get an ombudsman through social security to help you through the process? Or a disability lawyer (who doesn't collect a penny unless you're approved)
Feel free to message me as I was in the same situation. I was totally intimidated by the process and ready to quit before I began.
I'm willing to help with anything I can.
Cali

Hi, thank you for your response, I will PM you in the near future. Today is kind of busy but when I find time later to sit down and collect my thoughts, I'll write to you. Thanks!

Emory,

I think the easiest way to get your application started is to call the main number for Soc Sec, which is 1-800-772-1213. It can have long wait times (like 45 minutes) so call at a time when you can put the call on speakerphone and wait.

They can look at your work credits online and also schedule an appt. for an interview for you if you will be applying for SSI, which you most likely will if you're 22.

Your application information goes to Disability Determination Services. They are very by-the-book. Your "impairment" has to fit one of their categories pretty exactly for them to approve you, so if you get a denial at the first stage, it just means that your case is complex enough that it's probably going to end up at "stage 3" - the hearing, before it gets decided.

I've never entirely understood the point of "stage 2" which is where you appeal your first denial and the same people look at your claim again. You can submit more medical documentation, so I guess maybe that's the point.

Remember:
- Always Appeal! (and pay attention to deadlines on this.)
- Get an attorney if you have to go to a judge hearing. The attorney only gets money if you are awarded disability benefits and gets paid directly by Soc. Security.

One important thing they'll ask you is the date your disability began, that is, when you were no longer able to work because of your health problems. You may know this or you may need to ask your doctors. If it turns out that your disability began before age 18, this will make a difference in the amount of your benefits.

Thanks for this. Another question... My mental health issues started at age 14. I worked jobs as I got older before treatment or diagnosis, but I had to quit jobs due to mental health issues. I was diagnosed at 19, and I've had periods of being unable to work since. But, I've also had periods where I held jobs for a while. I lost my last job in June 2014 and have been unable to work since. When did my disability start? When it was diagnosed or when I stopped being unable to work last year? Or some other time?

If they approve you for Disability it begins on the date that you filed the first initial pile of paperwork.

They don't look back at your history and say " Oh you were disabled at that age or that date"

They need any medical records you have to help them determine if you do in fact qualify for disability. They will also send you to there own Doctors for an evaluation.

It can be a complicated process to be honest. Just fill out the paper as best you can.

Social Security and your doctors (most Soc. Sec.) are probably going to have to decide that. Like so many times, your situation isn't clear-cut. If you saw any counselors or doctors before your diagnosis at 19 that discussed your mental health, it would be good to make a note of their names, addresses, and phone numbers and give those to Soc. Sec. during your phone interview.

When do YOU truly feel like your conditions became so bad that you couldn't keep a job? If it was age 16, I'd say that. Soc. Sec. is probably going to say age 19, but I'd give them my true opinion.

This is all very complicated, isn't it? I have been through two cases (two judge hearings) and have come to the conclusion that you can get disability without understanding all the ins and outs of it, so try not to let it stress you too much.

Myler Disability. Look them up. That's who I used. If I got denied, they would repeal the same day. I seriously had 2 doctors visits and a 2 hospitalizations and they approved me after my 2nd denial. With Myler disability, you don't have to pay them anything unless they win your case. But then the money they get is a percentage of your back pay, which is how much you would have gotten if you were approved since day one. Mine was almost 5k. So basically, to me, it was completely free to get on disability.

I was diagnosed at 18. I couldn't hold jobs either. According to social security, they said mine started in May 2008. I think they guesstimate.

You do not qualify for Social Seciurity/SSDI, that's a long-time work history thing. SSI is "supplemental" income to help augment what you are living on if it is decided disability is what is keeping you from working enough. The disability requirements are the same for both and they determine which/what you qualify for when you submit your one application.

I would go see a disability lawyer, because of your age, see what he has to say. It sounds to me like you do not have a clear enough, long enough history to qualify as disabled.

You're kinda wrong on that. SSI is for people who don't have enough work credits (paying into SS) because they didn't work enough or at all. People who get disability have had to have work credits. So they've had to work a significant amount of time or paid highly into SS and worked shorter. But I don't think you can control how much you pay into it. Federal workers don't pay into it. The only way to get disability without work credits is child's disability. That's being disabled before 22 and having a parent who is retired/disabled and they give you disability based on that parent(s) work credits. When my dad retires, I'll go from ssi to disability, which will increase the amount. Seriously. It's impossible to live here off max ssi alone.