[ishiru]

hello there..

i wonder who am i actually?..i mean..i'm physically a boy.but inside i feels like a girl.a year (more tbh..maybe around 1.5 years) ago i started to grow my hair and managed to have bangs..i liked my hair even everybody say "stop being looks like a girl!"

personally i could say i'm delicate.i never fight, cry a lot, sensitive, and shy.

that delicateness grows stronger and stronger everytime.

i still liked girl but i feels more like L than a straight!(weird, eh?)

am i actually a trans?.

my family wouldnt allow this.and i also couldnt afford MtF surgery (also i'm scared of surgery and the pain.i ever have heart surgery and i dont want surgery anymore!)

how should i face this?.i want to be myself.but people around me prevent it.it hurts pretty much!

thanks

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Me and you, we are pretty much the same. It seems to grow stronger recently.

It's great that you are able to look the way you want (the hair), you should look the way you want to look, even if others don't like it. I'm working on it, right now, my looks, that is.

People around me would never let me be, so I'd like to move away someplace else. And as for surgery, I'm not sure, i don't think it's one I want to rush with. It's complicated.

How should we face this? I want to know too, and it hurts a whole lot.

[ishiru]

uh..well..i currently shorten my hair again..i moved to a small village from a capital city..they're totally different where a boy shouldnt have long hair even only a bangs..so i cut my wavy hair already (but not the bangs.i would kill anyone who wants to cut em )

5 months more to back to my city..

i've been concerned to my body sensitivity today..it's while i'm on my car using the seat belt.the belt touched my chest and it feels tickle and hurt if it's pressed too much! .i never feels like this :/

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Hi ishiru: First off... no you're not weird! And one of the really great things that you have going for you is your age! You have plenty of time to figure out if you are transsexual or not. You mention that you don't think you would want surgery. Well, not every trans person has surgery. Each trans person has to figure out what is right for her / him. But, also, it's possible that your thoughts about this may change over time. You have allot of years ahead of you yet! This also applies to your statement that your family wouldn't allow you to transition. This may be true now. But sooner or later, you'll be independent & you can choose how you want to live.

Right now, what is important is to begin to figure out if you really are transsexual or not. (If you are, it won't go away. If you're really trans, you're trans for life.) And to figure this out, you need a competent therapist who is experienced in working with clients who are trans. A therapist who is not experienced can do more harm than good! As I recall, your profile says you live in Indonesia. I don't know what's available to you there in terms of therapy services there. If therapy services are just not available, or you can't afford them, then there are some other things you can do. I'd be glad to communicate more with you about all of this if it would be helpful to you. Just let me know. My very best wishes to you!

Originally Posted by brokenentity

Me and you, we are pretty much the same. It seems to grow stronger recently.

It's great that you are able to look the way you want (the hair), you should look the way you want to look, even if others don't like it. I'm working on it, right now, my looks, that is.

People around me would never let me be, so I'd like to move away someplace else. And as for surgery, I'm not sure, i don't think it's one I want to rush with. It's complicated.

How should we face this? I want to know too, and it hurts a whole lot.

Hi brokenidentity: Please read the comment I left on ishiru's post. It applies to you too. My very best wishes to you!

[ishiru]

hi, the skeezyks.

thqnk you for the reply..sorry i've been not come to this forum since i have some works and getting sick..

i guess my family wouldnt let me becomes a trans since when i grow my hair, some of them gave a sinistic look and even sarcastic to me..

since i also couldnt afford a therapist, i might find my real identity by myself..i'm happy as a girl but i also happy as a guy (my hobbies was both girl things and guy things.so...couldnt choose one this fast)

sent from my finger using my phone

If you're happy either way ... then you have the best of both worlds!

Originally Posted by ishiru

hi, the skeezyks.

thqnk you for the reply..sorry i've been not come to this forum since i have some works and getting sick..

i guess my family wouldnt let me becomes a trans since when i grow my hair, some of them gave a sinistic look and even sarcastic to me..

since i also couldnt afford a therapist, i might find my real identity by myself..i'm happy as a girl but i also happy as a guy (my hobbies was both girl things and guy things.so...couldnt choose one this fast)

sent from my finger using my phone

I remember telling my mom that I want to get my ears pierced, and my mom's reaction was "................ hmmmm....... ooooooooooookay...........", so I dropped the whole thing.

I understand your pain, I can't afford help right now either. So I'm finding myself on my own.

[bronzeowl]

Help can be expensive. In some places, you may be able to find cheap help. Sliding scales, state appointed therapy, etc. I never really sought therapy for my gender identity. Sometimes, I feel like a lot of my problems go back to it. I really, really do. The problem is, none of my therapists have ever seemed to think it warranted discussing. I tried to bring it up to my current one, and he even brushed it off. This has made it hard to discuss it in therapy. However, that's not to say that the right therapist would not be of help. I'm sure they would. And I encourage you to try it, if at all possible. Even a school counselor may be of some help.

I did not discover the word 'transgender' until I read the book "Luna". If you can find it, I highly recommend it. It introduced me to it all, and through that book, I realized that I myself could relate to Luna (except I'm the female to male equivalent). Although, just because you don't identify as your birth gender.. that doesn't necessarily mean you have to identify as trans, either. It is my opinion that gender is fluid. Some people are somewhere between genders. Since 'masculinity' and 'femininity' are merely words created by humans, it is VERY possible to be both masculine and feminine. Many people are. While I identify largely as male, I do have days where I will dress in... so called 'girl' (I don't really like gendering clothes, but sometimes it's hard to avoid the urge to do so) clothes. So, it's possible to be 'between' genders, as well.

Take time to find yourself. It sounds like you might be young? Don't rush these things. I hope that whatever you are, your family will come to accept it in due time. It can be hard for others to understand things they are not going through. Just give it time.

As far as surgery goes, not all of us opt to have surgery. Sometimes, I feel there is pressure to do so in the trans community, but don't ever let that pressure get to you.

[ishiru]

i'm building my body now .also trying not to limit my attitude irl.(i couldn't limit myself anymore since it's only leads me to depression)

i'll try to search "Luna" as your suggestion

yes of course i'm young (and want to be looks young forever ).okay.i'll try not to rush this..i don't know when i will be ready to tell my parents (and accept any consequences) about this but i would and i should tell them.

but i feels like my mom know this even i doubt.she always brushing my hair and keeps telling "are you want to be an akb girls?" (you can google it if you don't know )

i'm glad if she know it.but i would be happy if she accepts the way i am