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  #1  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 04:13 PM
Anonymous100305
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About, oh, 3 years ago or so, I stumbled onto the transgender community on YouTube. More specifically, I found the small community of transsexual individuals who were documenting their transitions on YouTube. This was amazing. I had struggled with Gender Identity Disorder all of my life. I didn't know what it was, I had no vocabulary to describe it, & no one I could talk to about it. So I just kept it a secret and felt dirty and perverted for having it. Suddenly finding a whole bunch of individuals who had the same condition & who were actually doing something about it was, to say the least, miraculous!

I gradually subscribed to nearly every trans channel I could find on YouTube. And gradually I came to know several of these YouTubers fairly well. It occurred to me at one point: what if one of these individuals were to say to me: "come and stay with me and I'll teach you what you need to know to transition." The yellow brick road to transition. Would I have gone? I don't think I would have. But the allure of such a proposal would have been so strong that I wonder if I could have resisted. I've never had any intention of transitioning. I've lived many years as a male & have never given any serious thought to doing anything else. But, oh, the allure... I just don't know if I could have resisted...

Fortunately, no proposal of this type was ever presented. So I never had to choose. And, over time, I've lost contact with most of the trans YouTubers I came to know. But I still daydream, occasionally, about what it might have been like. If you're trans, you're trans for life. It does not go away...
Hugs from:
unaluna

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  #2  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 05:18 PM
Anonymous37781
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Do you think you'd be happier?
  #3  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 06:28 PM
Anonymous100305
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Thanks for replying to my post, George! This, of course, is the, how did we used to phrase it, $24,000 question. (I think, way back when, there was a game show on TV where the top prize was $24,000.) Realistically no, I can't imagine that I would. I expect I'd just be trading one set of problems for another. But just the thought of having the opportunity to try it out, to cast everything aside & for once be the person I am inside, with no fetters, no reservations, is intoxicating. It makes me dizzy just to imagine it. No more hiding, no more pretending, no more depression, no more anxiety. OMG...!
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Anonymous37781, Bill3
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #4  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 12:21 AM
Anonymous37781
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I think you just answered yes The window of opportunity on that one may be closed but another one may open and meantime... you can still be you
  #5  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 04:13 AM
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Frankbtl Frankbtl is offline
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Hi Skeezyks, sometimes fantasy can go a little way towards taking away from the depression. And even if it is an impossibility (in practical terms) it can give you just a little more courage (?), feeling of "rightness" to push that little bit further in your life.
It's maybe more "harmful" when you don't see much else in your life other than how it is now, and how you wish it could be/how it isn't/how it can't be.
BUT I reckon you have it in you to use that fantasy more as a comfort/an acceptance/a chance to acknowledge and value that other side of you?
And you know you can use that in "pushing a bit more on the boundaries" in your life right now. Doesn't have to be anything "major" but just using some opportunities to "let go", be yourself a bit more?
Do you think you could pick up contact with more trans YouTubers though? It seems like it was an important part of your life?? And maybe they could give you some more support, just the same as you could give them some support.



Alison
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