A reminder For ALL of Us

There is no right or wrong way to be trans/nb/gq/intersex/etc.

Feeling dysphoria does NOT mean you are more trans.

NOT feeling dysphoria does NOT mean you are less trans.

Dressing as your assigned gender at birth while being the opposite of that gender does NOT make you less trans.

NOT going onto hormones does NOT make you less trans.

NOT being a size zero does NOT make you less trans.

NOT being out does NOT make you less trans.

You are you, and that's great. Ignore anyone who tells you that there are rules to be followed in order to be considered trans. You are trans no matter your presentation, lack of transition, transition, etc.

And you're great.

Thanks, Grey Matter. I'm sure many folks will find your reminders to be comforting.

Thanks Grey Matter! I absolutely believe this is true for everyone... except me...

Thank you, that's really what I wanted to hear. I'm 'stuck' right now, with no other option but to keep living this way until things get a little better for me. I feel so hopeless, I really don't know where my life is heading.

I agree with most of this. I see a lot of debate on sites like Tumblr about dysphoria and whether or not it's a requirement for being trans. I believe it is, but hey, people are free to label themselves whatever they'd like. As long as they don't speak over dysphoric people, who should always be prioritized for obvious reasons, I'm okay with it all.

Also, the majority of intersex people don't like being lumped in with trans folks. Just my experience. If I'm wrong please call me out on it.

Sometimes I have dysphoria, sometimes I don't. Sometimes it's intense, other times it's barely there, I'm not sure why, I will never be sure. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not happy this way. Sometimes I have pretty bad dysphoria during night time, I wake up and think 'what the heck was that all about?' and then it starts again when I go about my daily stuff.

I'm being honest, I could just pretend I have dysphoria all the time, but I don't..... I don't think Cis women feel women all the time nor do Cis men feel 'men' all the time.... but there is some elitism among some transgender people and I don't really like that.

If I express any kind of doubt, I'm immediately dismissed,

I am not desperate to call myself 'trans' or be associated with trans people.

You suffer from dysphoria - ANY amount is enough to be labeled trans, no matter how infrequently it may occur. It is not a doctor, or a medical dictionary, or anyone else who can decide what you identify as. While diagnosis is helpful for transitioning, it's not like, ~peak transness~ or something.

Doubt is normal and healthy. Don't pay attention to those who dismiss you over something like that. Being trans and/or non-binary is not some exclusive club you need to pay membership to get into.

I don't think there is any intent for elitism... not here at least. I think some trans folks (perhaps elsewhere, from what I've witnessed) get frustrated with people who don't understand what dysphoria is or how it differs from people feeling uncomfortable with gender roles. Also, the recent trend of "political trans ppl" who think "being trans is a choice and a feel anyone can know and have" is really distressing for some of us.

That said, I disagree with those who say there are no requirements for being trans. If there weren't, everyone would be trans, and the term itself would lose all meaning.

I never really wanted to be trans, for the longest time I didn't have a label for myself, and all the issues I've had over the years made me realize I might be one.

But then again, being trans is not really an important part of my identity, It's something I try to hide, the majority of my posts here make no mention of it.

I'm not trans, male, female, cis, gay, bi or whatever, I'm just a person.

I feel like my life is just slipping away, Believe me I'd be the happiest person in the world if I could wake up tomorrow and have no confusion at all,

I feel stuck, it's not really just my appearance, It's about how people treat me, relationships, sex, and moving forward, being able to feel like you're really yourself.... There is no progression in my life, life has come to a standstill.

But I'm still alive, I still smile, I still treat people kindly, I still try to talk to people, I'm miserable, but on the outside, I'm OK, if people think I'm happy the way I am, it's fine with me, because I don't expect anymore from people and that I've given up on labels a long time ago. It's about normalcy in life, or maybe not..... maybe there is no such thing as normalcy....

I agree with this and i think these reminders are pretty nice...
but dysphoria is needed to be transgender. and im not saying constant, heavy dysphoria. dysphoria shifts and its never constant.

but no dysphoria....? im iffy on that....

I can't blame people who don't have dysphoria but call themselves transgenders, they might have some other problem that's close to gender dysphoria, maybe some other kind of dysphoria, and just want to feel like they belong, I'm sure they struggle too.

There are so many kinds of dysphoria (based on what I've heard from people), I certainly don't feel like I have 'phantom genitals' like an FTM once told me he had.

Okay, I really wanted this thread to clear up what is trans elitism, usually done my FtM to MtF and to non-binary, etc.

Dysphoria is not a qualification for anything on the transgender spectrum. Dysphoria is seen as such because in past DSM's, dysphoria was a symptom that needed to be felt to fit under "gender identity disorder". So what came from this knowledge is the idea that dysphoria needs to be felt TO be trans. Which really, is rubbish.

We need to remember there isn't just male and female transgender people. There are non-binary, gender queer, agender, etc. Some of these people do NOT experience dysphoria. That does not make any of them less trans, or make their identity of lesser value or of lesser truth.

Some people, like me for example, are lucky and are raised the gender/or lack thereof gender, by supportive parents. I was privileged to have worked through dysphoria at a younger age.

Do I still sometimes feel it? Yes. Does that make me more trans then the trans woman I may be talking to? No.

The trans community needs to ease up on the boarders and "rules" we are building for ourselves, basically constructing a new binary system that excludes trans experiences from other walks of life. Either you're for everyone in the trans community, or you're for the few, and that's simple exclusionary and not at all fair.

What makes a person trans if not dysphoria? Please don't say "simply identifying as it" because that's not an answer. I'm genuinely curious because even all the non-binary people I've met have dysphoria.

Why isn't being enough of a qualifier to be trans? Or to fall under the trans umbrella?

Dysphoria is common, yes. Just as brown eyes and brown hair would be in a study of ten trans dudes. Does the majority experience simplify or eradicate the minority experience? If we, as a community, begin saying "Well, out of the trans people I know, more experience dysphoria, so really it only counts if you're dysphoric", where exactly are we going to go but in the direction of cis normative thinking patterns ourselves?

Just because there is a minority that does not feel/experiencing dysphoria, does not mean they are lesser than because the majority does feels it.

Let's just make a scenario where we flip it around.

Say dysphoria is uncommon in the trans community. That NOT feeling dysphoric was the one real thing that made your identity solid. Honest. Truthful. How would you feel if someone where to say to you, "Well... you're dysphoric. I am kind of iffy about the way you identity. I don't trust it." Now, does the feel fair? Validating? I am hoping you're saying no because, this going both ways, is simply ridiculous.

You cannot gain experience or claim that you contribute to an inclusion based community if you're willing to write off the experiences of others within the minority community.

I see things like this constantly, and it upsets me greatly. Because how are we meant to grow and learn and change path ways of thinking if we are so easily falling into the traps of the typical binary system? In the cis male/female binary system we have gender roles, expectations, etc. Why on earth, as a minority, are implementing systems of "true trans" and "false trans" on one simple yes or no (dysphoria) answer?

That's not building each other up. That is contributing to systematic trans exclusion within the trans community.

Your reply relies on tangential hypothetical situations. You still didn't answer the question.

What does the word "transgender" even mean? Are you suggesting anyone can be trans? Because if there is no meaning to the word, then everyone is trans.

There is no elitism. All trans people have experienced dysphoria. If they haven't they might want to reevaluate why they're appropriating a medical condition and pretending it's just an 'identity'.

Answering a question with a reversed situation isn't relying on a hypothetical to answer a question, it's a further exploration into why a overly simplistic reasoning doesn't work.

We aren't going to agree because I do not believe being trans is a medical condition, but rather an identity. I didn't say all people are trans, if that were the case I wouldn't have worked with other trans members of this forum to have a trans only section. You're jumping to conclusions because you do not like the answers I am giving you.

Yes, it is elitism. Just like it is elitism for cis women to deny access to a trans women in woman only spaces. Transgender means, in it's definition form, "Transgender is the state of one's gender identity or gender expression not matching one's assigned sex.". One can be trans without experiencing dysphoria of the body because they rely more on the feelings of the mind. One can be trans and not feel dysphoria because they fall out of the mtf ftm trans binary. One can be trans and not feel dysphoria because they were privelleged enough to have a safety net within their family and their friends and were given the tools they need to block dysphoria.

Also, it is very important to remember that not all trans people are neurotypical. We have autistic trans people, cognitive disabled trans people, learning disabled trans people, which means feelings of dysphoria can fluctuate from extreme dysphoria, to no dysphoria. If we're talking about all trans people, we need to include all of them.

If someone doesn't feel dysphoric, they aren't appropriating anything. They just don't feel dysphoric in their body. And it does one well to remember being trans isn't all about the transition physically, but is HEAVILY mentally. There are a lot of people here on this board who have transitioned mentally but have not physically. Yeah, they might have dysphoria, but if they don't, what on earth gives anyone the power to say "not trans enough" or "not really trans" or "not really nb/gq/IS"?

The meaning of the original post was to defeat thinking like this in a safe community created by trans members. Your trans status does not rely on 1) how you dress 2) if you transition physically 3) if you have surgery/don't have surgery, etc.

So no, not everyone is trans. But not ever trans person suddenly holds the place standing to tell other trans people they are lesser than because they experience something different.

If I may?

Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), from δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a state of feeling unwell or unhappy; a feeling of emotional turmoil and mental discontent as a symptom of discontent, restlessness, dissatisfaction, complete dread malaise, depression, anxiety and suicidal idealization indifference

Transgender is the state of one's gender identity or gender expression not matching one's assigned sex.[1] Transgender is independent of sexual orientation; transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual; some may consider conventional sexual orientation labels inadequate or inapplicable to them. The definition of transgender includes:

"Of, relating to, or designating a person whose identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender roles, but combines or moves between these."[2]
"People who were assigned a sex, usually at birth and based on their genitals, but who feel that this is a false or incomplete description of themselves."[3]
"Non-identification with, or non-presentation as, the sex (and assumed gender) one was assigned at birth."[4]
A transgender individual may have characteristics that are normally associated with a particular gender, identify elsewhere on the traditional gender continuum, or exist outside of it as other, agender, genderqueer, or third gender. Transgender people may also identify as bigender or along several places on either the traditional transgender continuum or the more encompassing continuums that have been developed in response to recent, significantly more detailed studies.[5] Furthermore, many transgender people experience a period of identity development that includes better understanding one's self-image, self-reflection, and self-expression. More specifically, the degree to which individuals feel genuine, authentic, and comfortable within their external appearance and accept their genuine identity is referred to as transgender congruence.[6

wikipedia.

I actually agree with most of this, everything except for the medical condition part.

"Transgender is the state of one's gender identity or gender expression not matching one's assigned sex." -- That is literally what dysphoria is. I don't think we disagree here. This is just a misunderstanding/miscommunication of what dysphoria is. The definition of dysphoria pretty broad. Semantics and such.

Sorry for dirtying up your thread with what you see at elitism. I swear it's not my intention.

Pardon me,

Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), from δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a state of feeling unwell or unhappy; a feeling of emotional turmoil and mental discontent as a symptom of discontent, restlessness, dissatisfaction, complete dread malaise, depression, anxiety and suicidal idealization indifference.

Dysphoria is an emotion, a feeling. Someone may not feel dysphoria because their assigned sex and gender identity don't match.
I tried to post this earlier to clarify everything and hoped to end the argument

Please don't fight. A difference of opinion is healthy and completely fine, but keep personal arguments in personal messages please and not in the forum itself. We're here to support and help each other through the hard times in our life, and turning on each other isn't the way to do it.

Please be open to discussion with each other. Rather than immediately jump on the chance to make a counter point, cool down, think, then give a reply that states your side. And sometimes, there's just going to be a difference in opinion.

But please, if your view partially or in any way shape or form discourages those who have these feelings, who don't feel dysphoria but identify as transgender, please here them out. It's all about hearing everyone out and listening.

This forum is about support for everyone under the transgender umbrella. ALL OF THEM. Every last precious person. No matter what.