coming out to family

i want to come out as Male but am unsure if i should i have been non binary for a while
but am unsure what my mother reaction would be
she most likely will say its a phase mother am a ****ing adult stop treating me like a ****ing child
the rest of my family would be cool my nephew might think its weird
and he have to call by my male name and they would have to say am an uncle instead of aunt but they would be fine with it

there a lot of changes that are going to come its will take a while my husband is happy and supportive

You know...there is too much emphasis on "coming out"....just be.

If you want to come out, because you want to be gendered correctly, addressed as unkle etc, than I think you have not that bad of a situation here (not the best, but could be worse)

I know it's hard when your parents don't approve but you have a loving and supportive husband and your extended family might be able to defend you from your mother.

If you don't come out because of all the good reasoons, that doesn't invalidate you (if that's your fear). You are not more or less who you are if you (don't) tell other people about it. You are not required to come out, do what you think is best for you.

I have been "me" for a very long time. "Me" = biologically female, people use female pronouns, I use female bathrooms, I have not worn an article of female clothing in about 20 yrs and have been binding for those 20 yrs, I physically move more masculine and tend to enjoy more male leaning hobbies.

I have never told my family about my gender, I have always just been me and become more me as time has progressed. I am almost 50 and with the recent changes in wpath guidelines, I am pursuing top surgery and a hysterectomy. With this round of therapy and with reaching menopause, I have decided to try a low dose T regimen as I have found that I feel my best me when I am feeling my most masculine me.

My family will not out and out ask me any questions about me... about anything about me. So - I have been debating do I tell them or don't I ... I waffle. My wife's response is, I don't have to tell them, why bother, they won't ask they will just accept me for me. I think it is more they will ignore those parts of me they don't understand and accept the parts of me that match their narrative of me. She is right though in the since of why bother when I know they don't really want to hear it.

No answers here, just another person going through similar thoughts. And in part perhaps your age has more to play with it. Like I said, I'm almost 50, my parents are almost 70 why make it be a big deal now in each other's lives?

Just do you...screw the rest. They will accept it or be stupid which you can't help.

If you base your being on what others think....don't bother...This helps me more than you.

Don't even worry about what you should or should not have been. The journey is different for everyone. If you are male then you are simply male, no matter what route got you to that realization.

I don't know about coming out. I've told exactly two people in my family. One decently good reaction (husband) and one completely dismissive/denial reaction(mom). Everyone else would be confused, absolutely rejecting, and even directly hostile. I know this from hearing how they have reacted to others who are trans or non binary. I'm close to them otherwise and it's not worth it to me to damage my relationship with them.

I would advise you to take care of yourself, accept yourself and who you are first. That part is yours and doesn't need to change regardless of how other people see you. If you feel that your family would be accepting, then go for it even if they'd need to do some work to adjust. Change is a part of life, they will adjust and be just fine.

Even if your mom thinks it's a phase (that's what mine thinks too along with poor self esteem), then talk to her and tell her how you feel. Her opinion (while it might be important to you) does not define you. In time she will hopefully get used to the idea as she sees that it isn't a phase, it's just you. It does sound like you need to assert your independence with her in other areas too so that she'll see you as an adult. That can be a tough thing but it should help her to take you at your word if you can manage it. If she continues to have problems with your gender, well, that's her problem not yours. She'll have to deal with her own denial.

I thing the most important thing for you to consider is how important is it for you to be gendered correctly and to have people use the correct name and pronouns for you? If you need those things to be happy and comfortable with your life then do what's necessary to get those things. You deserve to be respected enough to be called by your chosen (male) name and your chosen pronouns. Give yourself the time and space you might need to adjust to the changes too.

It's wonderful that your husband is supportive. Maybe call on him to support you and back you up when you talk to your family.

Sometimes I can't figure out someone's gender. Like if I am out and see someone. It is peculiar that it should be so important. I envy the younger generations where this isn't such a big deal. It seems more like how the world should be. It's a good thing, so, yeah, hopefully "coming out" will someday be seen as a quaint ritual. But for now I guess...just go easy. Gentle. Patient. It will be fine, I think. Your partner will be a vanguard in the process, so hopefully everyone can follow his lead.