[newadult]

Hey, this is my first post. I want to try to deal with an issue I've had since I was a teen. I always felt like I was heterosexual. As early as I can remember I had a crush on girls. But I also grew up in a very old fashioned religious family. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 my dad told me to never be gay. My parents always talked about gays and thought there was something wrong with them.

I started having gay fantasies when I was about 15. It's weird because I always masturbated to pictures of girls when I was 13 or 14. Then one day I remember coming home and going on the computer and looking at naked men.

I've had a couple girlfriends, but I feel like I need to work through this before I can have a meaningful relationship with a woman. It also keeps me from opening up to people in other areas of my life. I've always felt that something is wrong with me, because I know I'm ashamed of these fantasies. Sometimes I still have them.

Am I weird or is this more normal than I think...?

You're normal. There are a lot of bisexual men and women. I suggest some counseling to try to learn more about it and deal with it while you are still young.

It sounds like your dad's sex education comes out of the bible. The authors of the bible knew nothing about a lot of things. It's better to learn about sexuality from those who have a scientific background and good values that value the live of all people and that recognize that all people are different.

[Webgoji]

Unguy is right, you're not weird. You're normal. A counselor can help you work though any apprehensions you might have.

[DocClyde]

Sometimes people over analyze way too much about things. There is nothing wrong about thinking about stuff, of course, but at the same time, please try not to belittle yourself over your feelings.

[newadult]

Thanks. It's just that my parents are very closed minded about things like that. Yes my dad is a fundamentalist and is against gay marriage.

I have this fear that I'll be in a relationship with a girl and one day she will find out, and she will run away. I don't know how accepting women are of that.

I think that normal is an overused/misused word. We're all so different... who is to say what normal is? You are attracted to men as well as women from what you're saying. Does that make you abnormal? It makes you different from your family apparently. In their views you may be weird. A lot of us are different from our families... those differences become more pronounced and defined as we grow up. We develop our own views and outlooks. We begin to become who we are.
I don't think you should worry too much about the what-ifs reactions of others right now. Find out who you are and try to become comfortable with it. If you do turn out to be bisexual that isn't going to mean you're a bad person. It's just going to mean you're bisexual.

[ptangptang]

As Doc Clyde says, we are all guilty of overanalysing and over thinking. The happiest people are those that just go with the flow and take life as it comes. ' the fool on the hill' if you like. I don't see why you need to go to a counsellor for something that seems entirely natural and normal to me. Leave that for when you get older and life really xxxx's ( mucks ) you up. kidding. What if she finds out. Finds out what?. What if north Korea launches a nuclear weapon. What if you get cancer. Don't think in 'what if's'. Down that route madness lies. If that's a deal breaker in a relationship, the relationship isn't worth it anyway.

[IndieVisible]

First of all a lot of males are bi-curious and even experiment. For most it's just a 1 time thing or a few times and that's it. For others it stays with them.

Your going to hear people swear they are 100% straight or 100% gay. I personally do not believe that is possible. There will always be a ratio and it could be all over the map.

For example, a person could be 50/50, or 75/25 preferring women. Or 75/25 preferring men. I don't think sexuality is a yes or no. I'm sure there are a lot of men who are 98% str8. And a lot of gays who are 98% gay. I just don't believe there is such a thing as 100%.

Just my 2 cents.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by newadult

I have this fear that I'll be in a relationship with a girl and one day she will find out, and she will run away. I don't know how accepting women are of that.

Depends on the girl. They're as unique as their shoes.

One girl might freak out, but the next one will think it's hot (pronounced hawwwwt). Yet another might ask to watch you with another guy. Don't worry about it and find the right girl for you and go from there.

[deeronjepsuhn]

There are way more bisexuals than there are homosexuals.
I'm gay myself. You're normal.

[LazarusIII]

Definitely seek counseling, makes it easier to sort out your feelings. Also, pay attention to your body's responses to stimuli. I've never made a conscious choice as to who I am attracted to, my body reacts to different ppl without consulting me first. My experience is that orientation is like who we are attracted to; heterosexual men aren't attracted to ALL women, they have a type. I'm gay and am attracted to certain men, not ALL of them. And I've never had an opportunity to "pre-screen" them either. When I see my type, my body notifies me with sexual urges and I think "Aha! He's attractive." It seems my experience wasn't typical but before I hit puberty, I had no conception of sexuality. I had playground "girlfriends" because I was taught by my parents, religion, and society (TV and magazines) that boys and girls belonged together. When I hit puberty, I couldn't understand why I was attracted to men. It was confusing since it's not what I had come to understand was the "normal" way to feel, and frankly didn't care since I couldn't do anything about it. My biology had first and last say.

[Go Hungry]

No man, you're cool. Straight, bisexual or gay, it's all fine. And though some girls may freak out and run away, there are lots who don't care. I think they're much more concerned with whether or not you're cheating on them.

[bixkf]

Originally Posted by LazarusIII

Definitely seek counseling, makes it easier to sort out your feelings. Also, pay attention to your body's responses to stimuli. I've never made a conscious choice as to who I am attracted to, my body reacts to different ppl without consulting me first. My experience is that orientation is like who we are attracted to; heterosexual men aren't attracted to ALL women, they have a type. I'm gay and am attracted to certain men, not ALL of them. And I've never had an opportunity to "pre-screen" them either. When I see my type, my body notifies me with sexual urges and I think "Aha! He's attractive." It seems my experience wasn't typical but before I hit puberty, I had no conception of sexuality. I had playground "girlfriends" because I was taught by my parents, religion, and society (TV and magazines) that boys and girls belonged together. When I hit puberty, I couldn't understand why I was attracted to men. It was confusing since it's not what I had come to understand was the "normal" way to feel, and frankly didn't care since I couldn't do anything about it. My biology had first and last say.

LazarusIII, I completely agree with you. There are many times when I think of something or someone tells be something and I get aroused. I don't know why...it wasn't a choice.

A very good example was recently when I was talking to my doctor about me, as I came out to her recently. She had asked me if maybe I was gay even if I loved my wife. In the discussion I had told her that I only liked men for sex and that I didn't think I could have along term romantic relationship with another guy. Well after a few minutes of talking, she turns back to me and says "as a gay man, I can see you having an emotional/romantic relationship with another man". Well even though my head said "WTF" to what she said, my groin said "ME LIKES!!!" and I got an instant massive erection.

We all think we are in control of our actions all the time, but some of it is biological and instinctual. I'm a firm believer that sexuality is biological and that those who stick to heterosexual are just using their minds/logic/religion to suppress natural instincts.

[Flummixed]

I had the fear of my wife finding out that once I was with a man or two. I don't know why I felt bad about it because it's not like we were together at the time. I experimented when I was younger and still fantasize about it today. Finally one day I decided to tell her about it and she thought it was hot. You just never know how things turn out. Just be yourself and be happy. Life is too short to be anything else.

[bixkf]

Originally Posted by Flummixed

I had the fear of my wife finding out that once I was with a man or two. I don't know why I felt bad about it because it's not like we were together at the time. I experimented when I was younger and still fantasize about it today. Finally one day I decided to tell her about it and she thought it was hot. You just never know how things turn out. Just be yourself and be happy. Life is too short to be anything else.

You're right...life is too short to complicate it with lies, or half-truths, or omissions. I told my wife right at the beginning of our relationship that I was bisexual, and although it has not manifested itself into a positive physical sexual activity, I know that I can hold me head high and proudly say that I have been open and honest with my spouse about my sexuality.

[RTerroni]

Nothing wrong with being male and bisexual, I'm sure there are many of them out there.

[Voss]

Originally Posted by newadult

Thanks. It's just that my parents are very closed minded about things like that. Yes my dad is a fundamentalist and is against gay marriage.

I have this fear that I'll be in a relationship with a girl and one day she will find out, and she will run away. I don't know how accepting women are of that.

As far as I know, it varies from woman to woman. Inevitably some will see it as being threatening or not masculine, but you don't need to concern yourself with dating them when there are other options on the table.

One of my friends in high school was openly bisexual. I went out to dinner at a nice Thai place with him and his boyfriend way back, before he moved down to California. Last I heard, he's engaged to a woman and they're quite happy together.

[empath301]

It is not really wierd per se. You are attracted to both genders sexually. It is important to realise that you are looking at pictures that make you masturbate. But that the pictures in Playboy magazines are not representative of female sexuality at all. Women want to be loved, treated as special and to be in a monogamous relationship with their guy. Their gratification for the most part is emotional unlike guys who experience the visual for sexual gratification. One does not have to be a hetrosexual to be able to be faithful to a woman sexually. But if you can't be faithful stay away from relationships of an intimate nature with them. I have had a couple of relationships with women and was very faithful to them. My bisexuality did not get in the way of being faithful to them and they knew I was bisexual. Women can't obviously satisfy sexual fantasies concerning other guys though. People for the most part don't choose their sexual orientation. I'm sorry your father can't accept you unconditionally. There are good and bad people in all sexual orientations.If you are thinking of having a sexual relationship with a guy, it is good to know that unlike women many guys are not sexually faithful. Some even fear monogamy. Thus, the reason why sexually active gay men are a high risk group for getting AIDS. Thus be wary of guys who are only looking for sex. Best to engage in communication to see if the other is safe irregardless as to the person's gender. If the person is impatient and does not want to communicate, it may just be a sign that you better stay away from them.But nothing really wierd about bisexuality. Many religious folks will disagree though as we both know from first hand experience.

Originally Posted by newadult

Hey, this is my first post. I want to try to deal with an issue I've had since I was a teen. I always felt like I was heterosexual. As early as I can remember I had a crush on girls. But I also grew up in a very old fashioned religious family. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 my dad told me to never be gay. My parents always talked about gays and thought there was something wrong with them.

I started having gay fantasies when I was about 15. It's weird because I always masturbated to pictures of girls when I was 13 or 14. Then one day I remember coming home and going on the computer and looking at naked men.

I've had a couple girlfriends, but I feel like I need to work through this before I can have a meaningful relationship with a woman. It also keeps me from opening up to people in other areas of my life. I've always felt that something is wrong with me, because I know I'm ashamed of these fantasies. Sometimes I still have them.

Am I weird or is this more normal than I think...?

[Flummixed]

OMG but the above post is a serious forum foul. People on the space station could read that!