[dbambs]

Readers digest version:
I was married for 14 years to a great girl. 2 daughters. My ex has borderline. After years and years of therapy for her and I we were stable. She then came out as gay, which explained or noon sex life. I decided enough is enough and we divorced 3 years ago.

I remarried about 6 months later and many times I regret that for various reasons. Any way my current wife also had a gay husband. So we were starved for sex. We've been together for nearly 3 years now.

My issue is my wife is always going to get ex husband for advice, to cry a shoulder on, etc. I feel betrayed. I am really wondering if she had moved on? Then I ask myself did I really leave right time to heal? Why would she go to her ex so much? I've asked her and she said she keeps a relationship with him because of their kids. Also last night she said he had hurt her so much she can't trust anyone again.

I was divorced when I met her but she was still married and just started to go through the divorce after we met. I need to know why I feel this way? Am I ok want her to cry on my shoulder rather than her ex? I feel 3 years is enough to trust me but for some reason she can't. HELP!!

[CANDC]

Dear Dbambs, welcome to Psych Central. A friend went through this with a gay wife. It is a tough row to hoe so to speak.
Usually the gay wife is not just seeking a partner for romance but also a whole way of life. Divorce is a difficult choice when there are children because there are still bonds as you see with your current partner.
Her gay husband may be the safe confidant that she always wanted. It could be her fantasy relationship compassion without romantic entanglements.

Divorced people have issues. A therapist (t) or psychiatrist (pdoc) can be a help. Unwinding something like this can be talked about but a therapist can help chart a course.

Check out the other forums - they may help.

[Webgoji]

Red Flag. Personally, if Mrs. Webgoji went to someone else regularly for emotional support then should would get to full time. Marriage is a union between two people and they should support each other fully. If someone else is needed for that support (again, regularly ... everyone has a things once in a while), then that union is broken.

Sounds like you've got a triangle to me and that ex-hubby is the emotional side and you're ... well without that emotional intimacy you're holding down the couch. It sounds like an emotional affair, but since he's gay then there's obviously not going to be the physical side.

[blackmagic]

The marriage seemed really rushed, with you healing for barely six months, and her even less. What was the reason you two decided to get married in the first place? I would revisit that. Sex is sex, and separate from marriage. What were your legitimate reasons for tying this knot so quickly?

[CosmicRose]

You and your current wife can work it out because all together your problems are not major. However, I do feel that its very strange for her to lean on her ex who is gay and who she claims hurt her so badly. You would think what he did to her would be enough for her to cease contact, even if they have children together...that doesn't mean she should go crying to him about certain things.
I also think you made a mistake marrying someone after only 6 months. Marriage should never be rushed and I know sooo many people who are tying the knot after only months of knowing someone, its strange.

So tell your wife that if she keeps running to her ex husband whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on, it makes you very uncomfortable, and its not something that you can just look past.
Tell her if she needs a shoulder to cry on, it should be yours.