[mullygk1]

I've learned recently that I'm a textbook narcissist. I don't know who I really am, since for most of my life I was taught by my mom in particular that it was okay to lie as long as it made the family look perfect.

It hit me recently when I joined a civic organization. All of the people that volunteer there are themselves and got the confidence they have through actual hard work instead of fabrications and boasting.

I don't want to be a jackass. I want to be myself, but beyond my love of working physically hard, soccer, reading about the video game industry, and writing, I have no ****ing clue who the hell I am and how to love the hollow person I've become.

What do I do to stop being a narcissist? How do I do it? Will I always be a narcissist? When did you realize that you actually found yourself?

[Thorn Bird]

You have insight at least and self-awareness that is the main thing and one I wish my partner had. Go find yourself a good therapist - just wanting to change means you are half way there - good luck

[here today]

IMHO the mental health industry is just beginning to get clued in on how to help people overcome and move beyond their PD’s.

The operative word is “beginning”, though. I had tried for years to get “help” for - - I wasn’t sure and neither were the therapists. But finally I lucked into finding a specialist who has helped.

Anybody with a PD (I was diagnosed with PDNOS, probably had OCPD before I fell apart) is likely to trigger unresolved issues with a poorly trained therapist, and/or one who doesn’t know him/herself well. That’s according to my T, because I have spent a good bit of time complaining, now that I’m getting better, about all the ineffective, possibly harmful therapy I had in the past. OK, they did their best, I still got hurt “trusting” them.

My T also said that it made her sad that no other therapist had been able to have a real relationship with me, and in her opinion I had never had one in my life (except with my late husband). That really makes sense to me now, too, but I could not know it before she sat there and let me be myself and tolerated stuff she didn’t like, and even said so while at the same time I still felt somewhat accepted. Being idealized isn’t at all the same as having a real relationship with someone. Yeah, therapy is a “relationship” with a person who is a professional at having relationships. Still. . . the best way I’ve found of learning – that and a bunch of support groups.

In my case my “self” had to get re-connected again before I could “find” it. Or, maybe – I had to find the lost parts and accept them before they could get reconnected back into me. Whatever your situation, I’d guess it would take a while, be extremely painful and disorienting at times (it has been for me), but ultimately – if you want to undergo the process of change, I wish you the best. There need to be more of us succeeding and more success stories. I think we’ve got an unduly bad reputation at the moment. Judgmentalism is currently in vogue but I don’t think it will be forever.

Originally Posted by Thorn Bird

You have insight at least and self-awareness that is the main thing and one I wish my partner had. Go find yourself a good therapist - just wanting to change means you are half way there - good luck

I feel for you because I've read your threads and I know the difficulty you've had with your partner. But self-awareness isn't the halfway hash mark. It's not even a hash tag.

It's a glance, and most of the time it just makes understanding what is being done easier. It can be used to great affect. Sympathy is easy, empathy is far more difficult. But we're not cookie-cuts...everyone is different, true. I for one, aspire to fill the awkward placement of my emotions somewhere out of the sphere most others have. But if I don't, I don't. I can only then aspire to hurt fewer people with my random boredom.

I hurt too. But mine can't be calculated by 'them', because even as I can't totally empathize with 'them'...they truly have no clue of me. Only another NP can do that. And I expect just a nod of understanding, no sympathy, nor empathy from them.

But, you see....for me, that's enough.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by KathyOlivia

I feel for you because I've read your threads and I know the difficulty you've had with your partner. But self-awareness isn't the halfway hash mark. It's not even a hash tag.

It's a glance, and most of the time it just makes understanding what is being done easier. It can be used to great affect. Sympathy is easy, empathy is far more difficult. But we're not cookie-cuts...everyone is different, true. I for one, aspire to fill the awkward placement of my emotions somewhere out of the sphere most others have. But if I don't, I don't. I can only then aspire to hurt fewer people with my random boredom.

I hurt too. But mine can't be calculated by 'them', because even as I can't totally empathize with 'them'...they truly have no clue of me. Only another NP can do that. And I expect just a nod of understanding, no sympathy, nor empathy from them.

But, you see....for me, that's enough.

Thank you so much for taking time to try and explain - do you think I am wasting my time with my partner - are there things I should be saying or doing which could help improve the situation - all I really want to do is to understand - I can accept the disorder but I need to know what to do for the best - any helpful insights or ideas would be gratefully appreciated.