Please can I have your help?

I apologise I presumed you were a narcissist as you are posting on their forum. It sounds that you need to read up a little more as you advised me to do. Validation an 'N' supply are the essential things for a narcissist to survive.

Not in my experience or three years of education in the matter. It's not like they have a fuel tank they have to keep full..they have reasons for everything.

Sorry what experience? I have it from the 'horses mouth' so to speak that in order to maintain their 'false self' they need validation and supply - which comes in different forms adoration attention recognition and yes women etc. This keeps their false self perfect and without this validation they would begin to see cracks or injury to this false self. If you are experienced you must know something of what I am talking about!?

Thorn - if you know the answers, then why are you asking people?

I don't think anyone who has NPD would consider themselves to be a false-self. Like anyone else, they would enjoy attention and having their desires met. People with NPD just indulge in fulfilling these more often than most other people, and with very little consideration of the impact on others due to their limited empathy.

I don't think you will be able to get any new answers to your question: some people cheat and lie, others do not. Many people with NPD do what they want with little consideration of consequences. Just like anyone else - they do things because they want to, if it happens to be something that will end in some sort of consequence then they may think they can get away with it, don't care about the consequence, or simply don't think of it before they act.

What are you hoping people will answer with?

I don't know all the answers but I have done a lot of research and have heard other on this site talking about their false - self and supply I am asking questions to gain as much information as possible and who better to give that than someone suffering fro NPD - are you NPD? Their is no judgement I just want to know so that I am able to understand and help my partner and to know how to deal with the rages etc.

Nope I've said before that I'm not in a response to you - but my brother and mom definitely have at least strong traits of it.

Ask your partner. He/She is the only person who can give you satisfactory answers about themselves - no one else can really speak on their behalf.

I think you need to find more reliable sources for research..

I've researched everything and everywhere - if you could provide a different link I would be happy to read it but everything I've read even on this site coming from people suffering from NPD talk about supply and their false self. I am not doubting that your sources of information are not very accurate but in order for me to know that I need you to offer that information to me

Thorn Bird, I'm a non as well but thought you might want to go to Sam Vaknin's youtube channel if you would like more answers. He is thought to be the world's premier expert on NPD. He has all 9 traits of NPD and also a PhD.

sam vaknin - YouTube

Thanks I have listened a lot to Sam but I believe it is quite controversial - my aim was to talk to people who were NPD themselves because only they know how they feel and why they behave in certain was - I have to thank underground because he has been very honest and open with me about himself and it does help but thanks so much for your link and for posting

Thorn Bird, if you control the verve with which you pounce and read and remember what people have said you would be less obvious.

Thorn, I'm sorry but you annoy the hell out of me. I've had to deal with and let go of a Narc.....I've listened and been helped with the Vids from Sam Vaknins and have found his words for the most part, to be dead on in my experience. It seems to me, from what I've read that you just want to thrash yourself over and over again, and never ever listen to anyone's answers. Some have stopped trying to help you because you are terribly frustrating. Yes, YOU, are frustrating.

I'm not sure anymore what it is you want to achieve, with your posts. First it is to 'understand' your mate, then it is to learn how to 'live' with your mate who is NPD (but from what I've read has not been diagnosed actually)......I believe you love him. But I think it's not about him anymore. It's about you.

And that is the most annoying thing. Especially for those of us who are just trying to move on. You're the visceral witness to wounds. And for no good purpose because you are never satisfied with what you're told.

Give it a rest. Stop probing... stop complaining. You, by your own admission have studied so much regarding NPD...you should be a master. So accept it. Or don't. But stop torturing yourself and by extension anyone who's lived thru a relationship with a NPD.

I respect what they are....I weep for what they could have been. I accept what they are and will always be. I wonder......are you sure you're not feeding off of it, less than you are trying to...understand it?????????

Just my question. I'm sure you'll have a boat load of anger to respond....but it will take away the sting of what you're living with....which I think is the point of your posts. We numb it...................it's still there, but when you can post your questions, your endless repetitive questions......we numb it. I feel almost as bad for you as I do for the NPD I ran away from.

You're not much different.

It didn't seem proud.. seemed factual. Honest.

Haaaaaahahahahah oh man, this thread has gone from amusing to hilarious. Thank you to mattmx, red panda, waiting, & nighttiming. I just needed to come in & give thanks to the voices of reason!

Haha you can't be serious!? That Israeli snake oil salesman is a fool, not to mention the guy got his 'degree' from a diploma mill....everything he says is conjecture, assumptions, speculation and anecdotal b.s. Nothing more, nothing less.

He IS a narcissist....conjecture from a murderer would mean just as much to someone who has managed to escape from a previously homicidal person. His insight, for a LOT of people having to get over being involved with a narcissist is helpful because, in a cold, clinical way...he just explains that the scorpion is a scorpion and that's pretty much it. Can't fault a scorpion for being what he (or she) is. Aesop....and actually, that fable is pretty much on the mark, explaining a narcs overall intentions, too.

And if you'd been involved for anytime WITH a narc, you'd see why what he says makes sense. Otherwise....you're just spreading self-help pap, that helps no one...including the 'self' who reads it.

I wish I could say I was sorry for the above words........but after 3 years of living with it and several months of trying to survive after it....I'm not.

Everything you just stated doesn't change the fact that he received his accreditation from a diploma mill, and has never cited any research for his claims. He may see his conjecture as truth, and you might as well, but what you and Vaknin 'feel' does not qualify as truth. Now you don't have to take offense, simply understand that not everybody is going to see things the way you do. And for the record I called Vaknin a fool and criticized him for things he has already been critisized for, but I did not degrade the poster. I simply pointed out facts she might have been ignorant of so that she may look into them if she pleases.

Because this thread has gone beyond the scope of being supportive to argumentative, it will now be closed.