What Would You Do?

What do you do when everyone (including your school) believes the lie that you're a good, Christian girl? I go to a private Christian university, and everyone genuinely loves me. But they believe the persona, and I'm worried they won't believe me or like me when they find out that I'm really a vein, manipulative, exploitative *****. Part of me thinks I should keep up the lie, but the other part of me is so tired of lying to my family, friends, and Fiancé. What can I do? Any suggestions are welcomed and appreciated. Thanks

you know what I've found in the short time I've been self aware. Nobody believes me when I tell the truth about who I am LOL! I told my friend, "hey I am a lying piece of crap and think I'm better then you and avoid your phone calls and texts when you need help." I went into full detail and he just kept saying nah man that's not you...... people these days! so dumb!

but anyways, I don't think they will understand. I am having a hard time now because I'm admitting all this and nobody wants to believe it. I even have people saying "everyone is like that in a way" they don't understand how deep it stems and how you cannot choose to not do it unless you stop yourself.

P.S.
probably a bad idea to ask narcissists anyways. I do everything with a motive, an angle, and I mean I even posted this with hope in some kind of sick twisted way to smash your dreams and make myself seem better. I am just saying if you REALLY want to change you need to go get help and actually MAKE yourself do it. I am trying to change myself but damn, I am perfect, and always right. But then, completely wrong, and imperfect at the same time LOL!

Hahahahaha, oh man. I had to laugh reading this because I'm in a similar situation. Everyone thinks I'm this unusually caring, empathetic, kind person when NOTHING could be further from the truth! Everybody loves me too(which is how I like it, hahahaha ), they have no clue what's underneath my mask.

If you want to tell the truth to those close to you, I bid you good luck. Like r3b0rn mentioned, people tend to not believe me when I tell the truth about who I am. They just respond with a special kind of disbelief that irritates the hell out of me. Therapists don't believe me either when I start telling the truth. It's frustrating.

I get being exhausted by keeping up that front, it's why I started taking it down piece by piece. That's how I would recommend doing it if you so desire, do it slowly. Don't say up front, "oh by the way, I'm a narcissist." Tell them one piece of the truth at a time, for example just mention in passing that you're a very vain person for example and see how people react. Then once they have time to accept that piece, move on to another piece. It's not guaranteed to work because some people just want to blind themselves to the fact that not everyone is a selfless, empathetic, bundle of joy just waiting to burst forth... but that's my advice.

Good luck to you, and it's nice to see a new face here.

To try and make people understand is not something that usually works. To read about NPD is one thing but to have minds that are actually in tune to what it really is, is something so much more. Look at what so many of us talk about with therapists. Most of us have had nothing but losing battles when it comes to sitting in a chair with a "professional" listening to us and yet they can't see nor understand us. In all honesty we are like children grasping on to still being accepted. Not knowing how to deal with real emotions or being able to understand others. Putting on masks that in essence is the same as the whining child getting what he wants because of negative reactions. We all came from something that wired us to be the way we are, whether we had good, bad or evil parents or non. It is what it is, our little world created that we see in a way that is a continuous lie to our own self. Lie, manipulation and set all the motions forth so we can predict outcomes is not a great way to live. For me I try to understand what emotions are to be in a mental sense and not a definition. For instance if we are happy do we turn to the dictionary to know what they are:

hap·py
ˈhapē/Submit
adjective
1.
feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
"Melissa came in looking happy and excited"

Or is it a true feeling in a mental state that is just felt??? Obviously happy is an easy one but there are so many that are not!!! Help for us I believe will only come from ourselves. Much harder done than said especially that most of us have told ourselves how perfect we are(more lies and masks). We are still that hurt little child trying to find our ways in a world without any instructions. Step one to being better is having to understand that we can do things for ourselves. To find a way to let go of things and be able to love ourself in a true way and not the fairy tale we have created. I think normal people have a path that leads to choice a or b (The "Y" road). I know that through the times of knowing my issues my paths have been a-z times 100. Our minds are our worst enemies!!!! I am not writing to teach as I am far from a better person, but I have made steps to the direction I want. Anyway in the beginning I did tell people of this that I wish I never did. Keep in mind that its most likely better to keep this to ourselves.

Also I don't think people can understand how we think no matter how much we try to give to them. It's Like a deaf person listening to the radio, no matter how much they turn up the volume their just never gonna here the music.

Hahahaha, for the most part that is definitely true.

However, I have had some luck in telling certain people about my narcissistic self. So it's not impossible, just mostly impossible.

I too agree but it takes someone that is very close to us and one that has something too going on upstairs lol to be that person!!!! At least what I believe....

I've had pretty good luck in being forthcoming with the few people I chose to be privvy. I tested their mettle & they proved a certain ability to be able to handle the gravity of the situation & I wasn't disappointed.

A prerequisite to engaging in a long-term relationship with my current boyfriend was that he realize the implications — I need to be able to "let my hair down" or I go berzerk. He doesn't accept when I hurt him, but he is fine with everything else & I appreciate that boundary. It lets me see him as an equal: worthy of my time & effort. Same goes for my friends. But as far as they go, they've mostly been around so long that when I started unveiling my true colours? They knew the whole time but were too wary to offend me!

I second Atypical's suggestion in showing little pieces. See who can handle it & who can't: having at least one person you can be honest with relieves an enormous mental burden. You may have people leave, but... Just like anyone without a PD, you need to have at least one solid confidante.

Thanks for all of your opinions guys. It's nice to know there are people who get it and can relate. You guys are awesome!