[shakespeare47]

So, we all know that people with NPD traits can be troublemakers.. So, why do you still have self-respect?

I do because I do see a glimmer of a good person down below somewhere. I know that my behaviors trouble me, and I want to learn to interact with people in healthy ways.

I also know that most of my automatic reactions and defenses were not really of my own making.... I didn't choose to become the person I am in so many deliberate ways....

I've also done a lot of reading about free will. ( I merely stumbled onto the subject). There is a lot of evidence to suggest that no one... has free will. We are all a product of our environments and other factors that we have no control over.

[glok]

Hello, shakespeare47.

My input: http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...73-choice.html

If I do have a choice, I would choose not to harm, but I know I have.

[shakespeare47]

Sure... free will is a complicated subject. I haven't thoroughly read the thread you linked, yet.. but, I did just add a comment to the thread.

And I know that no matter what one thinks about free will, we also need laws..... and we need to hold others and ourselves responsible for their/our actions.

No one is going to be excused from prosecution if they say the magic words in a trial "but, what about those free will experiments?! I didn't have a choice but to do what I did!".

I'm at the point now, where thinking about free will helps me to have humility, too. I feel like "wow, I'm lucky I feel this way, and have accomplished what I have accomplished, it could just have easily been very different..". instead of "I'm so smart.. Look at me! look what I've done and what I've been thinking".

and mostly... I respect myself because I admit that I have issues, and I have a desire to change for the better.

this is my quote of the day...Thank you brainhi.
“You can't take credit for your talents, but it matters that you use them. You can't really be blamed for your weaknesses, but it matters that you correct them. So pride and shame don't make a lot of sense, in the final analysis, but they weren't much fun anyway.” Sam Harris

[Walkingaround]

And here is the biggest difference between classics and covert ... I dont respect myself. I do not have insight of beeing good person. I do want to be. but I'm not. I build a dreamland around me and live my life in that dream that i am what i would like to be - godlike. But at the same time i see who i am. Classics usually dont see themself as they are-or refuses to see. Bevouse it would too painfull, too much to handle. I see it everyday. I see the huge gap between what i am and what i want to be,deaire to be. And i will not settle daydreaming about beeing. Its over taking need to be. Hunger that never gets eaten. And it kills me everyday. So no, i dont respect myself.

Originally Posted by Walkingaround

And here is the biggest difference between classics and covert ... I dont respect myself. I do not have insight of beeing good person. I do want to be. but I'm not. I build a dreamland around me and live my life in that dream that i am what i would like to be - godlike. But at the same time i see who i am. Classics usually dont see themself as they are-or refuses to see. Bevouse it would too painfull, too much to handle. I see it everyday. I see the huge gap between what i am and what i want to be,deaire to be. And i will not settle daydreaming about beeing. Its over taking need to be. Hunger that never gets eaten. And it kills me everyday. So no, i dont respect myself.

WOW, I understand this one way too much!!! Walkingaround THANK YOU for this. Some may complain of the push and pull but in these ways you speak of it is a constant push and pull between our own sides. Many of us seek to be better. Some days I am and others it's just normal to be how I have been already for so many years without a thought. Oh wait then you say if I am so perfect, or even "godlike" for that matter how is it that I have this disorder. It really F&*ks your mind up especially when first found out. I understand respect as I hold it high expected from others but I think my sight on the subject is that respect is a word that can have a broad range. I expect too much from others and base it on myself growing up. Meaning the way I would act for my father, to make sure approval was validated. I notice that I forget my kids to be normal. I imagine how it was for me growing up, not asked to do but just did. I can't expect my own kids to be like this as I have because this is not normal. I am obviously not going into great detail but I will assume you catch my drift. I suppose respect to me is looked at as if it's owed to me no matter what and this is wrong. Admitting flaws is key I guess as I do know I have many!!! Respect is earned not just given. My own respect is a little blurred!!!

[Walkingaround]

Hi.

I did catch ur drift.
Allways pleased to help

For me, this thought "if i am great,why do I have this disorder" isint so clear. I do understand your struggle around it. And "get" you and your pain. Narcissits lives are full of pain actually. Undying need or "must" or else all comes crubmling down. Its hearbreaking to understand the fact that mirrow is your best friend and also ur worst enemy. Mirrow of ones self I mean. It aint easy to take steps at looking at yourself, admitting and understanding. Its a tough ride and i wish you well on your journey.