Anyone Else Under the Impression that Change Can Be Good?

My last T suggested that I may be a sufferer of a NPD. It's certainly possible. If so, I'd like to effect some changes.

Anyone else interested in changing for the better? Or is the desire to change proof that I don't fit the criteria for NPD? In which case, I'm either "healed", or I never actually had the disorder in first place.

Seems like a win-win situation to me.

Hello Shakespeare47: Well, I'm not really familiar with the criteria for NPD. But my impression is, if you had NPD, you'd think you were pretty-much perfect just as you are. So no changes would be needed.

Personally, I don't put allot stock in what pdoc's or T's suggest as far as diagnoses go. It seems like every one I've seen has had a little different take with regard to what is going on with me. But, in the end, it never really makes any real difference.

I'm convinced from the reading I've done, there was a time when I was younger, I could have been diagnosed as having BPD. However, at this late stage of my life, this has degraded into major depression & generalized anxiety disorder... not that any of it makes any practical difference at this point. My last T did say, one time, BPD tends to burn itself out as those who have it age.

Actually Skeezyks, it really depends on the individual too. Sometimes if an individual is exposed to healthier interactions they can "heal" and settle down more too.

My therapist told me that many therapists have their own challenges, which was "why" they decided to study psychology and practice in the first place. Some "heal" themselves while treating patients, while others experience a breakdown and end up in therapy themselves.

My therapist experienced a breakdown and he learned a great deal from his therapy. It actually made him a really "good therapist". He had to learn not to absorb the challenges of his patient's that he could not "fix" them, but, instead help them learn how to fix themselves. As he healed himself and practiced differently, he experienced "how" his patients gradually "did" improve with his help and that in itself became rewarding to him. For him, turning that corner and learning how to apply all the knowledge that he had made a huge difference in how he practiced treating his different patients, and I am very fortunate that I have been benefiting from that as I work on my own healing.

shakesphere, what has helped me with this area is to look at these different individuals and see "why" they developed certain "unhealthy" triats that has affected me so profoundly. Well, unfortunately, in that effort I can experience what I discribed to you as a "criss cross" where I can suddenly slip into a "ptsd" moment and not notice it. Some people get triggered and withdraw, I definitely "feel" that reaction strongly myself, but, I work very hard at "not running" but instead take time and review whatever I had said and having it in writing has helped me a great deal.

What I discovered is that with each person that expressed traits that could fall under this label in my own experience, the truth is, each one of these individuals were themselves challenged in some significantly profound ways. My father never totally discussed certain areas of his childhood, but I am sure it must have been witnessing some bad things, bad enough for his mother to run away and I know my father's father was a "mean" alcoholic. However, my father's father was also "brilliant" and could do a lot of things. It could be that my father's father actually suffered from PTSD too because he had some challenges in his childhood and also served in both WWI and WWII. If you had met my father, I think you would have liked him as he was so well read, knew so much, often way above so many, except others that too, were extremely intelligent in a similar way.

When I really got to know my father, I discovered that he "unknowingly" self protected and that was mostly "emotionally" connecting with others. Whenever it got to certain areas, he always found ways to "disassociate" himself. His infamous excuse was how he was very "busy" and it was not a good time. My mother always complained about how after being intimate he would never just cuddle with her, but instead would get up and go get a snack downstairs in the kitchen. Truth is, he did not know "how" to cuddle "you" but he didn't seem to mind being cuddled, I think I was the only one that really understood that about him too.

I would have to say, that while he did struggle that way with his own children, with time he mellowed and did learn how to do that with his grandchildren. That is what lead to that experience I had with him that I had told you about where he wept realizing how he had "failed" with my older brother.

This area of understanding unhealthy "narcissistic traits" can definitely be confusing. But, the fact that you are interested in understanding it better and learning how to improve on whatever way you may struggle with this challenge on whatever level is
"good" IMHO.

My therapist has explained to me that this BPD diagnoses can have a stigma that is really not "fair" to those who struggle and get labeled with it. He has treated these patients and has recognized that they have greatly benefited from therapy and have actually finally learned to overcome some of the challenges they have that have resulted from experiencing some "childhood traumas". I had met some members that were diagnosed with BPD so I asked my therapist about it. In that, I learned to not only look at that challenge in a more understanding way, but I am also working on understanding how NPD can be misunderstood too, when full blown NPD may not really be a fair assessment.

OE

Meh, maybe. It's been said in this forum often enough.

But, where exactly in a reliable source does it say "if someone admits they have a NPD and wants to change, then that means that person doesn't have a NPD"?

That's what I'm asking.

Perhaps if someone "truly" has a NPD, then they wouldn't even admit to having one... It's certainly possible, isn't it? I mean really, if someone was a "true" NPD, then why would they even accept the possibility that someone in the MH community could diagnose them?

Perhaps it's more accurate to say that "if someone admits to having a NPD, then that means they don't actually have a NPD".

I found this in the Wikipedia article about NPD.

Hmm. So, it appears some are trying to get NPD sufferers to find ways to use their real talents to actually help others for reasons other than their own personal gain.

That sounds like good idea.

Why are you reading into all this crap so much? I seriously don't get it.

This isn't philosophy, it's people's lives. Why are you trying to tear apart exactly what a diagnosis is? It should be clear to you by now that there is no black and white answer. That's it, there is nothing more than that. It's a diagnosis given by individuals to other individuals based off their opinions. Nothing more. No one knows everything about personality disorders, we don't even know if they're real.

Stop trying to make a definition for people's personalities. You're spending all this energy and effort trying to figure out what exactly a stupid label is, instead of just focusing on your issues. You came here because you thought you had NPD, and now that you've gotten opinions from people here, you seem to have forgotten why you came here.

You came here to figure out more about yourself and work on your problems, not to figure out what a theorized diagnosis with no concrete evidence it even exists is.

I don't get why people would be proud of having a NPD. or of being proud of the fact that they know they do have a NPD, and also refuse to change.

It's kinda silly.

Underground has said repeatedly that his diagnosis of NPD doesn't bring him pride, it just is what it is. He's said that numerous times so I'm not sure where you're getting that idea.

Also, personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. They are still largely misunderstood by the MH field. They're only just now figuring out how to help borderlines and even that carries no guarantees.

Personality disorders are defined as "stable and enduring" in the DSM. They are very resistant to treatment, and especially disorders like NPD and ASPD... people with these disorders are often quite high-functioning so why would they want to change? I have ASPD, and I see no reason to change. I'm not having any serious life problems that I can't sort out for myself. So why "change"? I like who I am and I've always been this way, and I also am of the opinion that I am a person. Not a diagnosis. ASPD just happens to describe me quite well, hence the reason I've been diagnosed with it.

Exactly, the whole branch (PD's) are just theories still. For all we know there is no such thing as personality disorders and we're just generalizing people's uniqueness.

If Underground truly takes no pride in his diagnosis? Then good for him.

I'm at the point where I realize the very things that made my T suggest I suffer from a NPD, also bring pain. I'd like to change... It's not rocket science.

What is it specifically that you would like to change?

You can want all you want, but if you're going to sit here and do the same thing over and over it isn't going to happen. Stop focusing on what you call your problems and start focusing on how to fix them.

Sure... I'll do that. While the rest of you continue to claim you have no need to change...

Thank you for that excellent advice.

Why would I change? My life is great. I have a great girlfriend, working on my college education, and I can act completely normal. There is no way to change my condition, because as people keep saying "it is what it is." I have always been this way, and I always will be. You're the one that has a problem with how you are, not us.

Oh, I see. Now you're claiming you don't have a personality disorder. That makes sense. <- NOT

What the hell are you doing here? This thread is for sufferers of a NPD.

Exactly this. I have a great life. I'm content. There's no need to change anything.

I haven't looked into ASPD. I don't know much about it. Isn't it rather a lonely life? I suspect you're missing out on some of the pleasures of life.

You've also said that you do change behaviors when needed.

You must realize your ASPD causes you problems, or you wouldn't be looking for ways to change at all.

I've never felt "loneliness" in my entire life. It's just not how my brain is wired. I can take people or leave them, it doesn't matter much to me.

What pleasures on life do you suspect I'm missing out on?

I don't think I'm missing out on anything.

Lasting friendships. True closeness.

If something I do isn't working out for me in life, I do it differently so it does. It's really as simple as that

Now that really does make sense.

Lasting friendships? lol the problem is getting rid of people i don't want, not keeping the ones i do want around.

I don't think my inherent psychological makeup is causing me problems at all. What can cause me problems is blatant antisocial behavior. That is what I worked on modifying. And I was successful. I don't see a need to change anything else.

Yep, gotta repaint your mask once in a while to fit in again