Ok so I have read through some posts here and figure I should share my own beliefs and experiences. So it seems as so often before that people enjoy that they have narcissistic tendencies, that they are better because of things like this. Well the way I see it is that most people like this suffer from being afraid of the true way they are. It's one thing to have NPD but what do we call the people that want to share the same title(as if this is a gift). They seem to be weak, abused in some way or another and feel that their own insight gains them something. Especially around these neck of the woods. It really bothers me to read certain things and people dancing around as if they are gifted. You are not, start being more honest with yourself. Sure narcissists are more fun then most but this is only for themselves. They do not care about you, they care about themselves and the way they are seen by all others. Making every move for a reason, one that gains their inner self to own self. I have NPD and the truth is I am better without people called friends. I cannot understand them and their needs nor do I really care. Am I writing this because I think it's fun, NO. It's the way it is. If I had a choice I would not be this. It would probably be nice to have the things you read about that others do. To be able to express and feel for REAL and not just a show. I know this is a place for people to exercise their right to free speech but at the same time I can dislike them immensely. Yes I have made many jokes here and found much humor in doing so but really this whole persona of being top is just another false belief. To be perfect is impossible, to be better than all, sure this works out. Really?? Come on let's stop beautifying the ugly and realize what is what. Some of us are just what others want to act as. If you share what I share happiness is only a word. Living in a world that creates rainbows and butterflies is not who we are. I live in the dark, in the way that it's almost a beautiful thing for a mind like my own. Creating a way to mimic is just ridiculous. Consider yourself lucky to not be diagnosed, to be one who wants to be like someone like me but is not. This is your lucky day, you are not one with NPD you are a person who can have things I cannot. The real is real, the truth is truth and so on and so on. You know every now and again I write in a format that just goes. This is one of them. Some will appreciate while others will not. Here I am free. What a great place to be!!
Love me,
Sir Underground

[Atypical_Disaster]

I don't consider myself to have genuine friendships or any kind of real relationships with others. My entire personality is based on nothing but lies. I do not have the ability to connect with anyone beyond a superficial(for me) level. Other people have perceived me as being close to them but that's simply an illusion. I don't have the emotionality to be able to bond with other humans. Empathy is required for things like attachment and love. I lack it, and always have.

Happiness is only a word to me like any word describing most emotions are to me: just empty words. They don't mean anything to me.

It is my lot in life to thrive in what others call "darkness". I don't mind.

Sometimes I can be prone to self-delusion and convince myself for a time that there may be more to me but alas... I cannot stay in that mode for long. I'm always reconnected with the void within my being.

I don't know why people like coming around these forums and trying to sound narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. I think they probably have a romanticized idea of what it means to live with any of these conditions, among other factors.

[leomama]

I wish I didn't have a tendency to narcissism , I wish it didn't say that in my treatment notes years ago. Have I overcome those tendencies? Yes. Does that mean I can experience a relapse if I am not vigilant? Yes.

[Starlana]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I don't know why people like coming around these forums and trying to sound narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. I think they probably have a romanticized idea of what it means to live with any of these conditions, among other factors.

I agree...there is nothing romantic about mental health or personality disorders. I don't know why anyone would want one. I can understand maybe some non Dx people might explore if they suspect, like I did before I got evaluated and got all the news, they might have something. Teeter-tottering from BPD struggles to NPD, losing loved ones due to unforgiving anger, rage, and disappointment and lack of TRUST, pushing men away who clearly care because I've picked them apart and lost interest...always just wanting a "normal" life...but never being able to find it...or even a suitable fake one. It's tragic.

Originally Posted by Starlana

losing loved ones due to unforgiving anger, rage, and disappointment and lack of TRUST, pushing men away who clearly care because I've picked them apart and lost interest...always just wanting a "normal" life...but never being able to find it...or even a suitable fake one. It's tragic.

Interesting, very interesting!! Should we consider love loss when that someone does something that isn't right? Or is this just another life lesson in that fairy tales are just that. Should we really have to forgive someone based on an ideal that is what????? To be honest family members always seem to be the ones who are the most TOXIC and because their family were expected to look past these things? I do not!! I also do not believe that this is the right way for anyone, broken or not. This was some idiots thought a long time ago that just stuck somehow.
A normal life is what you have. We have been forced to see things based on what someone else thinks is the way. Our way is our way as theirs is theirs. Whose really to say what is the right one(other than me obviously). May be part of the reason that someone like me is not welcomed. Is it because I can easily look past the BS and say what I think. That what I may say may be too abrupt for the next? So what! This world just keeps getting softer and softer and when someone steps outside of the mold this is a problem. The only problem is living life based on whats expected from the masses. The fine line is all it is.

[redsoxrule]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I don't consider myself to have genuine friendships or any kind of real relationships with others. My entire personality is based on nothing but lies. I do not have the ability to connect with anyone beyond a superficial(for me) level. Other people have perceived me as being close to them but that's simply illusion. I don't have the emotionality to be able to bond with other humans. Empathy is required for things like attachment and love. I lack it, and always have.

Happiness is only a word to me like any word describing most emotions are to me: just empty words. They don't mean anything to me.

It is my lot in life to thrive in what others call "darkness". I don't mind.

Sometimes I can be prone to self-delusion and convince myself for a time that there may be more to me but alas... I cannot stay in that mode for long. I'm always reconnected with the void within my being.

I don't know why people like coming around these forums and trying to sound narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. I think they probably have a romanticized idea of what it means to live with any of these conditions, among other factors.

I couldn't have stated it any better myself.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

. . .
I don't know why people like coming around these forums and trying to sound narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. I think they probably have a romanticized idea of what it means to live with any of these conditions, among other factors.

Just wanting to check -- are you including me in this? Are you saying that you don't know why I have been posting in this forum? I do not think I have a romanticized notion of what it means to be you. If I have conveyed that I am sorry because I don't believe it's the truth.

If you don't know why I post here and care about others who post here, I'll be glad to try to explain again -- it's mostly because I feel a need to accept and appreciate my own formerly dissociated parts. Maybe you think that's easier to deal with than your situation, but tough is tough. Mine has certainly been tougher than I thought I could take sometimes.

But, let me know if you would like me to shut up and I will. Yeah, I know it's not all about me. But if something is, then I want to know so I can learn how to know.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by here today

Just wanting to check -- are you including me in this? Are you saying that you don't know why I have been posting in this forum? I do not think I have a romanticized notion of what it means to be you. If I have conveyed that I am sorry because I don't believe it's the truth.

If you don't know why I post here and care about others who post here, I'll be glad to try to explain again -- it's mostly because I feel a need to accept and appreciate my own formerly dissociated parts. Maybe you think that's easier to deal with than your situation, but tough is tough. Mine has certainly been tougher than I thought I could take sometimes.

But, let me know if you would like me to shut up and I will. Yeah, I know it's not all about me. But if something is, then I want to know so I can learn how to know.

No. I wasn't...

[here today]

Yes. Thanks. My quirk.

[Starlana]

Originally Posted by Underground

Interesting, very interesting!! Should we consider love loss when that someone does something that isn't right? Or is this just another life lesson in that fairy tales are just that. Should we really have to forgive someone based on an ideal that is what????? To be honest family members always seem to be the ones who are the most TOXIC and because their family were expected to look past these things? I do not!! I also do not believe that this is the right way for anyone, broken or not. This was some idiots thought a long time ago that just stuck somehow.
A normal life is what you have. We have been forced to see things based on what someone else thinks is the way. Our way is our way as theirs is theirs. Whose really to say what is the right one(other than me obviously). May be part of the reason that someone like me is not welcomed. Is it because I can easily look past the BS and say what I think. That what I may say may be too abrupt for the next? So what! This world just keeps getting softer and softer and when someone steps outside of the mold this is a problem. The only problem is living life based on whats expected from the masses. The fine line is all it is.

I get you on the family statement. I don't talk to half to mine. Haven't for almost a year now...including my own mother. The rest...I suppose I live a life. Just not a happy or fulfilling one. I think that is what I mean by what I said. True happiness is fleeting for me; fulfillment lasting moments...not continuous like I think it is for others.

Originally Posted by Starlana

I get you on the family statement. I don't talk to half to mine. Haven't for almost a year now...including my own mother. The rest...I suppose I live a life. Just not a happy or fulfilling one. I think that is what I mean by what I said. True happiness is fleeting for me; fulfillment lasting moments...not continuous like I think it is for others.

That is the fun thing about dysFUNction.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Happiness is an emotion. Of course it's transient, all emotions are.

^^^^^^^^^
Getting colder!!