confused about OCD ...

Hi, i started getting these obsessive thoughts about a year or so ago, mainly to do with plugs, & the front door, would have to check them over & over again, my mind would spiral out of control, that the house would burn down, i would be homeless, front door was left open, house would be ransacked, sometimes i would have to go up & down the stairs 4/5 times before i could leave the house to check the iron, even though i unplugged it from the wall on the first check

i've kind of learned to live with it, it comes & go's, recently its come back really bad, having to drive back to check things, standing in front of the front door & keep looking at it, that IT IS SHUT etc, i have been having a hard time in T at the moment, started T due to PTSD, trauma incident a few years ago, i assumed my obessions developed because of this?

But i read within one of sticky links that it is not linked to PTSD, have i developed this independently?, nothing to do with my PTSD or trauma?, i assumed it was just another symptom of PTSD

as you can see, my knowledge is limited!, your wisdom & knowledge would be much appreciated.

Hi Laura2

I’m not a gambler, but if I was forced to make a wager, my money would be on the PTSD. If you read about Zen888’s friend’s shower habits, that’s OCD.
I had problems like you. Not at home, because somebody was always there. As for my workshop, I’ll just say, oxy/acetylene torch set “That can make a very big bang”. Many trips back to the shop. And then there were all the doors, the compressor, etc.

By the way “From Clyde’s Corner” I don’t want to be seen as "here she goes again asking for help"
Don’t ever think about yourself that way. That’s what this place is for.
Beside that, you never know. One of your question threads might provide an answer that helps someone else. How about that?

Bruce, your such a sweetheart,...thanku

Hi Laura,
Your welcome
Thank you for the compliment, and thank you for your sincerity, don't ever lose it.
There's not nearly enough to go around these days.

I remember reading what happened, and for whatever it's worth, I understand.
I don't know much about therapeutic methodology either, but what your therapist is putting you through makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Maybe he just doesn't understand friends or empathy or the vulnerability of an open heart. It must be hard to be a therapist, all those people, all those problems. Maybe he's developed a callous. Maybe I should I have a talk to him... just kidding.

Anyway: Don't ever let anybody convince you that you can't get over this. I did.

i love your spirit bruce!

sometimes i think T should come with it's own health warning, i thought the hardest bit would be getting in there, then it would get easier, then eventually when you manage to blurt everything out it ends up getting even more complicated!, by all the additional issues it throws up with your relationship with T, i think i've gone through every emotion towards him, & still not sure how i should or shouldnt feel, no one warns you about that, you try & be open & honest & it just ends up leaving you feeling so damn vulnerable, i'm going off on a tangent now!

i have managed to steady my worry with the iron & front door, been taking photo's on my phone b4 i leave for work

I've seen a number of people talking about mixed up feelings toward their therapist. You go there thinking that this is the person who can help me find my way out, so you look to them for guidance. That puts you in a vulnerable position right at the start. Of course they don't know you from whoever, so they have to start by trying to find the beginning. They can't hope to help you find your way out without knowing your most intimate feelings “as in private, close to your heart”. So it has to get very personal.
My most personal feeling was the one that blew up my emotions. It happened in a moment, maybe two seconds. I buried it so fast and so deep that I didn't even remember it for four and a half decades. That's the thing your therapist needs to help you, to first find and then understand. When you blurted everything out, chances are you blurted out everything but that tiny little thing, that split second when something went click.
All those feelings and all that other stuff I can explain very easily, you just have to make yourself understand, "that's the way I am for now” and don't pay so much attention to to them.
OK, my explanation: Everybody has feelings toward everybody else. They're just little feelings, they go on all the time. Kind of like background programming on a computer. Ordinarily their barely even noticeable, something turns up a little and you semi consciously turn it back down, or if the occasion is right, you might turn it up a bit. They're variable, like a dimmer switch on a light. So you have all these little emotional switches adjusting all the time, the more you get stressed, the harder they are to control.
With PTSD some of those switches get replaced with straight on/off switches. You can't control them. It”s like trying to maintain the speed limit in your car with the accelerator stuck to the floor and all you have to control your speed is the on off switch. That's why you see those post warnings (May Trigger). The writers know that it might flip somebodies switch.
I think I'm going off on a tangent now. I just erased a couple of paragraphs that didn't have anything to do with what we're talking about.

At least with this place you don't have to worry about vulnerability, because nobody knows who you really are unless you want them too.