[wolfesgirl_1114]

I need some kind of help. I am in a relationship,my partner has not been "diagnosed" with anything as of yet- however has had previous diag in youth of "tourettes" . He had a mild case, basically grew out of. He has been plagued with obsessive thoughts.Disturbing,very violent/sexually disturbing toward anything & anyone. Since we have been together he hid it for a few months then began to open up.He now spends 90% of the day wanting to talk about it & being reassured. I work from home, have a young son whom is Autistic,non-verbal. He has thoughts even about my son. My boyfriend is very loving & tender & "reports" everything to me. Since learning of this, it is beginning to traumatize me. I am very understanding yet my motherly instincts come out,naturally. I don't fear him doing anything, he has no desire to their just thoughts he cannot get out of his head. We have been to 3 diff Dr.'s,2 psychotherapists,1 psychologist... he has been on 6 diff meds, and none of these seem to help.He has day/eve panic/anxiety attacks...cries, gets angry...he is dibilitated.Cannot work,exercise,go anywhere without being disturbed.He has had to wait weeks for appointments & months with the meds to see the benefits.I am at my witts end...I feel like I am not me anymore & that I have to work really hard at any kind of balance or to even be a mom. I love my Son... he needs me more than anyone & I have to abruptly walk away or ignore my boyfriend who literally always walks around after me telling me about his thoughts...I know he just needs love & trust & support/encouragement and I give him just that...I feel blessed in a sense that he is releasing all this...but I am beginning to feel brainwashed or?harrassed...I AM EXHAUSTED! Isn't there some kind of out-in patient treatment where he can talk to a Dr/therapist 5-6 hours a day or do intense therapy?We tell everyone he's been too about all his struggles & the toll its taking on me! I have to stay up late at night just to feel like I am sane to get my work & chores done!He needs constant care...idk what to do...I love him so much, he has no family here & they don't even know what he's going through. He has a past of some pretty scary things...its all surfacing in my face & I need some advice! Any who has been through this on either side or just some HOPE would be appreciated! I am so sad where he is at & how it's affecting our life. We have both put so much effort into "help" for him & researching meds...he crys 1/2 the night sometimes...we have gone to the ER several times too...ok ok enough...thanks for listening!

[costello]

He sounds a bit like my son. I can understand why you're exhausted.

At least I can go to work and get some respite from it. Also, my son does go out some times. He goes through periods where it's difficult for him, but he does make himself go out.

Are you living together? Maybe he should get his own place? You seriously need a break from this and to be around other people who fill you up instead of draining you all the time. I know it's easy to say and hard to do when you have a needy loved one, but if you break down you'll be no good to him, to yourself, or to your son.

Does he have a talk therapist? There are cognitive behavioral approaches to OCD that might be helpful in addition to the meds (which you say aren't helping anyway).

There are out-patient type programs available. And I know my son was involved - briefly - in a DBT program through the mental health center. I don't know much about it, but I believe it involved a group or class type setting for 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. (I could be wrong about that.)

Another time he attended an out-patient program from a hospital. They sent a bus out for him in the morning and returned him in the afternoon. Unfortunately he quickly dropped out of that.

Right now he's regularly going to a peer support type group which is open from noon to 5 Monday through Friday. They have a few structured activities during that time period - a wellness support group, arts and crafts, etc., but mostly it's a place to hang out with other people struggling with similar issues and to socialize.

[wolfesgirl_1114]

Thank you So much for your reply. Alot of good information I will consider & possibly act on as it is important. The fact is I am deeply in love w/him. I was single for 5 yrs after my Son was born....yet not desperate & chose wisely.He as I mentioned, didn't come out & tell me. He was everything I was looking & hoping for. It wasn't until mid summer hit this year things went south...were talking the depths of south. It's been a daily task of getting him on the right path & he is willing.Willingness vs action w/him do not balance out however. He is very anti social, his thoughts he has to "report" all the time. Like today- right before his much needed therapy session, he had to tell me....he has thoughts of other women, he's moved out twice already (yes, we live together) and has wanted to be single.He then went on to say it was his ocd & his irrational thoughts, that he is very much in love....So to add to this already egg shells under my feet experience all my devotion,loyalty & pain...amidst the joys...came to head on rictor scale 110 today! I am exhausted. Luckily, the psychologist told him his behaviors are intolerable for everyone involved & asked him if he's willing to try new meds.He agreed, and here we are...he's been sleeping all night and unavailable as he often times is. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel... our whole world seems to have crumbled! I can only wait...it seems yrs of that are taking a toll . I am very socail,active,hard working,a dancer,musician,avid hiker,volunteer...spontanious, humble & give my all to those I love. Even that is fading...feelings of inadiquecy & instablity.... I actually had an anxiety attack today & thats not me... I desire us/him to heal...I just don't know if its possible. I have to focus on me & my well being & the best for my Son. He is so precious! Thanks for listening...this is my first attempt at blogging or whichever...so bare w/me. ☼

[wolfesgirl_1114]

I add reply's & make posts... then I don't see them? Is this site very user friendly?

[costello]

Originally Posted by wolfesgirl_1114

Thank you So much for your reply.

You're quite welcome.

I was moved by your post, because I do know how draining this must be for you. I also hope that some day my son will find a partner to cherish him. I would reiterate that you must take very good care of yourself, including getting some time alone and some time with people who replenish you. I can tell you what will happen if you don't: you'll be buzzing along, handling it as best you can, convincing yourself that you're doing fine, but your battery with be drained to almost empty. Then there will be an incident of some sort, out of the blue, and you won't have the energy to cope effectively. Try to keep your battery charged to the nearly full level, not just to the "I'm okay, I'm okay" level.

How long have you two been together? How long have you been living together? Sounds a bit chaotic with him moving in and out. How's your son coping?

The other thing you should do is to educate yourself about his dx's. This site should be helpful for that. I don't visit the OCD section myself, but I'm sure you'll find helpful people here.

Good luck, hon.

[costello]

Originally Posted by wolfesgirl_1114

I add reply's & make posts... then I don't see them? Is this site very user friendly?

Your first few posts have to be approved by a moderator. After that your posts will show up immediately.

[wolfesgirl_1114]

Again, Thank you Costello,
All so thoughtful & such great insight. I know exactly what you are talking about..."draining". I am here seeking some sort of comaradre that I can cope. So you or any1's reply are heartfelt & appreciated 10 fold. I have felt that many times has naturally renedered me in a so to speak vegetative state. See, my bf has this very rational & intelligent personality, at times I don't even understand why he has such thoughts. The 'moving in & out" very very sad & difficult. My lil guy the 1st time he left would look for him & say Dad or call out in confusion. He is the 1st man I have ever let get close to myself or him.Fact is, I changed my whole world to accomodate "us". Moved to a new town...new home, business,etc etc.New beginnings are great...but I feel isolated at times. So least amount of instability the best! I believe my bf held in his struggles for so long, our love & his confidence in me brought it out. Idk, it just ius so tough & sad.
Yesterday I took a day to myself.One of pampering, a long drive w/the music cranked... bought some new clothes... was able to enjoy it too He was accepting of it...actually didn't call me 5 times either. When I have to travel for work oh geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze! Anyway- I'd like to hear more abt your Son. If you like? I too hope "love" for him & everyone. Putting our lives on a shelf, doesn't make us bulletproof- we just collect all the things we wish we could get down for! I am a mover... but life surely throws big blocks in our paths! Thanks Again!