Maladaptive Daydreaming...PLEASE HELP! warning: disturbing content

I registered here so I can type out what I'm struggling with, since I'm too ashamed to tell anyone I know.

I daydream. I've been daydreaming since about 15 years old, and I'm in university now. I can daydream while laying down or walking, but my favourite way is by rocking back and forth on a couch or comfy chair while listening to my iPOD. I choose music that corresponds with what I'm daydreaming about.

The content bothers me. Since 15, I have created various fantasy worlds in which I'm the "hero" character. She is great looking, smart, but with a troubled past and present. My daydreams always turn sexual. Either regarding her past of being sexually abused, or the present and struggling with a sexual abuser. Sometimes she faces a murderer, but usually sexual crimes.

My story always switches between my character handling the trauma strongly, and breaking down completely. There is no in-between.

I do not get turned on by these fantasies, but I enjoy them and get involved in the story. I have a particular interest in serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, and that general area.

I am worried primarily because I think I'm a horrible person for being able to think of this stuff AND enjoying the stories. I'm also concerned because daydreaming takes up lots of my time.

I have a diagnosis of OCD and Bipolar Disorder. I daydream more when I'm depressed, and I'm currently going through a depressive episode right now. I have been daydreaming more than ever, and I should be working on papers.

I'm really scared. I'm afraid of even posting it here because of what people will think...I've never told anyone. But I need input.

Please don't worry. We here at Psych Central have heard about every kind of issue/problem that you could daydream about and even more! You certainly don't need to be concerned about that kind of thing here.

I'm wondering if you are seeing a therapist. I believe such a person could be very helpful to you (and, believe me, they have heard it all, too!) Your daydreaming, as you say, is definitely interfering with your getting on with your life. He or she can help you understand the content and get you started on having a happier life.

We all have sexual daydreams, but I think it would be good to find out why you daydream what you do and get some suggestions for making any you have less upsetting.

We are here for you, too. Maybe if you can get involved in some interesting things here and meet more people, then you won't find yourself withdrawing into daydreaming as much. A possibility, anyway.

Please let us know how things are going.

Thank you.

I was seeing a therapist, but haven't scheduled an appointment in such a long time that I'm likely no longer a client. I'm also on medication, and I have a psychiatrist.

I really don't want a therapist. =/ I don't want to say these things that I think out loud, it's hard enough to type them out.

I am noticing that the more depressed I get, the more I daydream...BUT when I get so depressed that I can only think of how depressed I am, then I lose the ability to daydream and escape. It sucks.

I also daydream alot, I find it relaxing. If i find myself daydreaming too much, which never seems to be enough, i try to read a book or if i have the energy, i knit or play the piano. I knit squares as that is all i know about it. but i've been knitting the squares so i can sew them together for a blanket,and to be funny, they look like a kid made them, but it even lets me relax and daydream at the same time.I'm the girl with the far away eyes, i'm usually thinking of something profound or just previous conversations with other people.I hope this helps-avlady

I'm a daydreamer, too, with my own fantasies of being famous, successful and heroic. Often, when I'm watching something on TV or in the movies, if I'm really into it, I sometimes picture myself being there and "saving the day," or calling out the liar/criminal. I'm a horror fan and enjoy blood and gore (but I want it to make sense in the movie, not just be there to see how gross it can be), but I am not a violent person. I've never even been in a physical fight. I get angry about many things, including my perceived injustices and being treated unequally.

Sometimes I think about a scenerio and just sort of let my imagination take me where it wants to go. Other times, I start thinking of one memory, even if it's good, and it leads me to bad memories, regrets or just emotional pain, and I have to tell myself to stop and focus on something else. But I'm not an awful person because of that, and neither are you. We have to learn to forgive ourselves, and also to recognize when we've done nothing wrong in the first place.

I also daydream A LOT. There was once a time when I daydreamed probably 80 - 90 % of the day, and I didn't have any desire to do anything else. All I wanted to do was live another life in my own mind. The more time that went on, the more I wanted to snap out of it (for the first couple months I had pretty much a "I really don't care" attitude). I started trying to be more social and make more friends, and I tried to make my life a little more interesting to the point where I didn't feel the need to daydream so much.

In your situation, with what you're daydreaming about, how frequently, etc. I do think it would be a good idea to speak with a therapist. I know how embarrassing it is, and I couldn't do it at first either. But just think to yourself - this could be all better (or at least improve) if I just open up.

Good luck!

I at times have laid in bed just to be comfortable while I daydream. Sometimes it was a problem for me because I would spend too much time in daydream. I don't find the content of your daydreams disturbing; it is common to think about forbidden things.

I've dug this thread out as I do this and only recently discovered it has a name. I told my T a little about it and he didn't think I was weird at all, though I didn't tell him many of the details.

Also, being in therapy has actually helped me daydream less, as I tend to think about therapy instead of daydreaming!

You are not alone, I have the exact same thing, well some minor differences, I don't rock back and forth, I pace around my room while I listen to music, and my daydreams always involve characters that I love from movies or books or even video games. It does take a lot of time for me too, it ranges from 10 minutes to almost two hours. I often feel like an outcast because of it. Also, I to have a strange interest in Rapist, serial killers, and, other things.

When I found out what Maladaptive daydreaming was, I was extremely happy because I thought I had some serious mental illness. But, I don't and I'm not alone so that makes me even happier.

Hi, I have a Diagnosis of BPD, and also like serial killer stories, and sometimes I think in killing rapist, pedophiles and all kind of horrible people. And as you said, these kind of thinking always comes back every time Im depressed.
And Also ashamed of telling even my therapist.

I just wanted to thank you for posting about this. I thought I was the only one who did this! My daydreaming is different from yours, but there is sometimes disturbing content that I'm too ashamed to admit to a therapist. I do this almost all hours of the day, too. Perhaps it's not even necessary to get into the details with a therapist, though, if it's too uncomfortable.

I've just come across this and really relate, as i struggle with dark daydreams as well and sometimes they are intrusive and unwanted. i've daydreamed a LOT since i was very young, like pretending to be characters in the books i was reading. at that point in most of my daydreams i had no parents, even though in reality i was terrified of losing my mom. as i got older, the daydreams got darker, and like scaredandconfused originally said, i daydreamed a lot about being abused etc. i have no idea why, or why it somehow made me feel "safe" to imagine being hurt or put at risk.

that has also turned into daydreams about being in dangerous situations, like being in a mall and daydreaming that gunmen run in and start shooting, and how i would react, and what i would think, and where i would hide etc. i think a part of me finds it calming because it feels like i'm in control of these situations when i'm creating them in my mind. i feel really embarrassed to mention to anyone in my offline life that i have daydreams like this. sometimes, like a couple of days ago, a daydream like that can turn awful, like my mind trying to find the worst possible scenario i could find myself in and imagining how i would react and what the repercussions would be. at that time i don't want to carry on the daydream but find myself unable to stop.

recently i've also been having the problem of not feeling real in my own life - like, my life feels like i'm reading a story and not actually a real part of it. hearing other people talk makes me feel like they are alive and experience real things in their lives, while my life is just this second-hand, grey experience. i think the fact that my daydreams feel so real is not helping this. like sometimes my emotional reactions to my daydreams will be stronger to my reactions to real events.

scaredandconfused and other posters - did you get any clarity about your daydreaming? do you still have it to this extent?

Wow, such an old post! I had forgotten about this issue that I used to really struggle with! To answer your question, I haven't struggled with this in quite a while. I find that this became an issue when my real life was not going so well, when I didn't have a lot of stuff to occupy my time and I was looking for an escape.

What helped me to overcome it was to keep myself busy with other things. Now the appeal of daydreaming my days away is absolutely nil. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, and please don't feel ashamed for your thoughts. I know now that they are merely thoughts and don't harm anyone. The only harm it causes is yourself, through the guilt and the wasted time.