[Softballjunkie8]

First of all I am not looking for a diagnosis. The only thing I am searching for is someone who has had similar issues that maybe can shed some light on what I'm going through. I have no means to see a good therapist and am trying to reach peace through self-help.
At first I thought my issues were just high anxiety. I have no rituals and everything is all in my mind. I am a very kind and compassionate person. I also try my best to be religious ( I do tend to mess up though).
Since I was young I always seemed to be a bit more anxious than others. I would always pick scabs or "play" with my eyebrows. Since I have gotten older I tend to bite my nails and on occasion pick my eyebrows.
This is not what bothers me...what bothers me are my thoughts. I have blasphemous religious thoughts, thoughts of violence toward my loved ones, and just negative thoughts in general. I don't have them all the time...but when they pop in my head I immediately start questioning myself. I know that u would never act upon any of these intrusive thoughts but it shakes me. I wonder why in the world I would think such thoughts in the first place!
Anyone that could weigh in or anyone who has went through a similar experience and found peace I would looove to know how you coped! Thank you very much!

[Travelinglady]

Hey, softballjunkie8! Have you checked into the Anxiety forum here?

I really don't know what to say about those intrusive thoughts. But I am thinking it would be good to talk to a counselor about them. Are you a church person? If so, then maybe your pastor might have some ideas. But keep in mind that most pastors are not trained in therapy and you need someone who is. And maybe they wouldn't charge much if anything.

I remember seeing other people here with that issue, but I can't remember where.

Maybe if you post in another forum, such as Anxiety, then someone will at least know something about it. Okay?

[richeye]

Hi Softballjunkie8!

I can't diagnose you, but it sounds like pure-O. I obsessed in the past that i'd blasphemed the Holy Spirit, that i'm becoming gay/bisexual, that i'd do something to my nieces or nephews, that I need to keep going to Confession over small things, scrupulosity in general. There are other things, but i can be convinced that i did or will do something wrong.

My meds help out alot, but i obviously need to go to counseling and going to AA meetings in order to address my sobriety issues.

Take care and I look forward to chatting with you soon.

[Softballjunkie8]

Originally Posted by richeye

Hi Softballjunkie8!

I can't diagnose you, but it sounds like pure-O. I obsessed in the past that i'd blasphemed the Holy Spirit, that i'm becoming gay/bisexual, that i'd do something to my nieces or nephews, that I need to keep going to Confession over small things, scrupulosity in general. There are other things, but i can be convinced that i did or will do something wrong.

My meds help out alot, but i obviously need to go to counseling and going to AA meetings in order to address my sobriety issues.

Take care and I look forward to chatting with you soon.

Wow I can really relate to your problems. I also have had alcoholic issues on and off. It seems when my anxiety and thoughts are at there worst so is my drinking. I also probably need to go to some kind of therapy because I never fully quit drinking. What kind of meds are you taking?

Originally Posted by Softballjunkie8

First of all I am not looking for a diagnosis. The only thing I am searching for is someone who has had similar issues that maybe can shed some light on what I'm going through. I have no means to see a good therapist and am trying to reach peace through self-help.
At first I thought my issues were just high anxiety. I have no rituals and everything is all in my mind. I am a very kind and compassionate person. I also try my best to be religious ( I do tend to mess up though).
Since I was young I always seemed to be a bit more anxious than others. I would always pick scabs or "play" with my eyebrows. Since I have gotten older I tend to bite my nails and on occasion pick my eyebrows.
This is not what bothers me...what bothers me are my thoughts. I have blasphemous religious thoughts, thoughts of violence toward my loved ones, and just negative thoughts in general. I don't have them all the time...but when they pop in my head I immediately start questioning myself. I know that u would never act upon any of these intrusive thoughts but it shakes me. I wonder why in the world I would think such thoughts in the first place!
Anyone that could weigh in or anyone who has went through a similar experience and found peace I would looove to know you coped! Thank you very much!

Yes, I have all of this & have for many years. When I was young I bit my fingernails. As I got into my young adulthood & became concerned about my looks, I managed to break my nail-biting addiction. Then I discovered hair-pulling. I've also done other stuff to. And I also have murderous thoughts as well. If people could see what goes on in my mind, they'd be horrified! Thankfully they can't!

I presume that this type of thing is caused by depression & anxiety, both of which I've struggled with since early childhood. I've been on Cymbalta for 2 years now & it hasn't helped with any of these particular symptoms. Talk therapy might help. I don't have a therapist so I can't say.

I'm not a religious person. So I don't feel any religious guilt or shame regarding these thoughts. I just consider them to be the results of the firing of neurons in my brain. And I realize that my brain is damaged & so not necessarily functioning exactly the way it might otherwise.

I also believe I would never act on any of these intrusive thoughts. But you're correct, Softball, these kinds of intrusive thoughts do shake you; especially when you first begin to experience them. Unfortunately I think what tends to happen is that we tend to dwell on them because they are so frightening. And the dwelling on them, just makes matters worse.

If you don't have a meditation practice, you might look into the discipline called: "insight meditation". It may be helpful. But the main thing, I think is to just realize that these thoughts are just a sign that something is wrong & needs attention. You might consider having yourself checked out medically, if you haven't done so recently. Then, assuming that there's nothing going on medically, get with the appropriate mental health providers to get some assistance with figuring out why these intrusive thoughts are occurring. Best wishes...

[richeye]

Originally Posted by Softballjunkie8

Wow I can really relate to your problems. I also have had alcoholic issues on and off. It seems when my anxiety and thoughts are at there worst so is my drinking. I also probably need to go to some kind of therapy because I never fully quit drinking. What kind of meds are you taking?

Thanks for the reply. There is a difference between heavy drinking and alcoholism, which i have. With alcoholics, we can be faced with long-term inprisonment, divorce, loss of a career, bad health, etc., all as a result of drinking, but then go out and continue to drink without considering the consequences. This is not a comprehensive picture of the alcoholic, but one of many i could relate to.

I not only have pure-o ocd, but i have mood disorder not otherwise specified with psychotic features. So my meds include mood stabilizers and antipsychotics that also help with OCD. They are as follows:

Lamictcal 400 mg
Trazadone 50 mg
Neurontin 900 mg 2x a day
Geodon 160 mg
Trilafon 8 mg
Effexor 75 mg
Buspar 15 mg 3x a day

I know it's alot, and you probably won't need as many meds. I'm also in counseling once every other week.

I hope this helps.

[Softballjunkie8]

Thank you all for your responses...they are extremely helpful! My drinking seems to calm me when I'm at my worst. I know that's not the right path to take. I will have to do my best to see a therapist. Where I live is a rural country area and not alot of good ones around. My insurance also does not pay for mental health...which is ridiculous!

[gtripoli]

I too suffer from similar obsessions, mostly violent. OCD will always present to you the worst possible thing at the worst possible time. Strangely, the thoughts themselves are not really the problem. At some point we all started reacting to the thoughts as if they meant something. The truth is that they don't really mean anything at all. They are just thoughts, they are not you or who you are. This is very difficult to believe since your OCD will tell you otherwise.

If you can't afford a therapist, I really think you should read "Imp Of The Mind" which deals with this particular vein of OCD.

You aren't alone in this.