Mirrors

I don't know what is happening to me, but I hate mirrors, I hate reflective surfaces of any kind. I hate them, I was never concerned about this until I recently covered the mirror on my locker, my roommates often want to use this mirror, and they can't comprehend my behavior. I'm trying to tell them it raises my anxiety and makes me depressed.

I've been avoiding all my friends unless it is completely necessary, not answering the phone, just plain ignoring people that want to get in touch with me. I hate daylight too, it makes me depressed, I'm much more comfortable going out at night.

I have to go out tonight, and I'm very nervous.

What is it about your reflection that bothers you?

I just see a lifeless, hollow emptied shell most of the time.

were you able to go out yesterday

how did it go?

I did and it was OK. I only go out for 'professional' reasons, when I have to goto school, get work done or pay bills and other important stuff like that.

I'm doing alright now,

I'm obsessed with my appearance, I feel I'm really ugly... but when I calm down I realize that it's not really the case, but I am overall, obsessed with my appearance, and mirrors are the trigger for me. one glimpse of my own reflection and I'm worried about my looks for the rest of the day.

I wasn't like this a few years ago, I didn't give a damn about my looks or life... or anything, I had no understanding of my own problems, no ambition, no goals. I was very thick-skinned, nothing anyone said could phase me. but Now, I'm the complete opposite.

i'm glad that the trip was okay.

you should feel proud of yourself

if you don't mind me asking... what changed?

i mean why now the mirrors, and the problem of your looks. (you don't have to answer any of this), it's just me being curious and interested

i used to be the same way as a kid, i could careless about what i look like, now im pickier, i think alot of children are like that

Have you been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

no, but i have gender dysphoria.

Maybe I didn't feel about my reflection, I don't know.

I think I may have a theory about why I'm more obsessed with my looks as i grow, it's because of my gender dysphoria, and I try to often separate my obsession with appearance from my dysphoria, because I wasn't always like this.

but I wonder if my obsession with my looks is a little more than that.

I know I need help, unfortunately, I have to wait. I just wanted to talk, it feels a lot better than holding it up inside,

Thank you, most people tell me that as you grow up, you start caring less about your appearance, it's nice to hear this.

Have you considered seeing a gender therapist? One of my friends is transgender, and she hated her appearance too. She hated the masculinity, and felt that the image in the mirror was not who she really was. Does this seem similar to your situation?

She ended up transitioning and she is much healthier now. I know that transitioning is not an option for everyone, but have you ever considered it?

Sorry if I am being too personal.