Bad Thoughts

I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD or even brought it up with my psychologist but I don’t know what else it could be. For almost 4 months now I’ve been scared that I’m a pedophile and it just keeps getting worse. I feel like I can never redeem myself for the things that have been in my brain and it’s horrible.

I also have thoughts about death and bad things happening to people and I have to shake my head to stop thinking about these things. Whenever something bad happens to me I just think about suicide and I can’t really help it.

How am I supposed to tell a psychologist about these things. I can barely even think about them. What do I do?

RocknRawl4evr. I really believe that for you to get help for these intrusive thoughts that it would be best to tell a therapist so they can set up a treatment plan for you. I know it is hard but if you truly want to change then honesty is your best shot.

I really hope that you will be able to get this resolved so you can be free of this and not act on any of these thoughts. Best regards.

Hi! Please don't despair. You are not alone -- these kinds of thoughts are actually common in OCD, particularly the kind of OCD that is referred to as Pure-Obsessional or Pure-O.

I have had intrusive thoughts like these and know exactly what you mean about the terrible, soul-killing pain and guilt that comes from it. I know it's really frightening to talk about it with anyone, even a psychologist, but these thoughts are talked about in the OCD literature and are not your fault. It doesn't mean you want to act on them or would act on them.

It might help to take a look at some of the books on OCD that talk about intrusive harm thoughts, such as Secret Thoughts and Tormenting Rituals, by Ian Osborn, and also The Imp of the Mind, by Lee Baer, which talks specifically about the intrusive harm thought side of OCD, and is very helpful. Also there is The OCD Workbook, as well as The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.

If your psychologist is as educated as he or she should be to be a practicing psychologist, then they should be familiar with OCD and its different faces, and they shouldn't be shocked or judgmental about the thoughts.

Please be gentle with yourself and know that this does not mean you are a terrible person!! Even if it's not OCD (but it may very well be from the sound of it), please have faith in your own goodness. The thoughts trouble you deeply and you are reaching out for help for them -- these are not things that a person set on hurting someone would do.

I think you should trust your feelings about if you want to tell your psychologist -- if he or she is competent and kind and you feel comfortable with them, then maybe consider telling them about it, but only as much as you are comfortable with at first if need be.

In the meantime, it might be helpful to look at the books I mentioned and to specifically look up information on Pure Obsessional OCD. It can be such a relief to see in print the things that you thought you were alone in experiencing!

Hang in there and take care of yourself!

I can understand your discomfort talking about this, since it's the same for me (though my intrusive thoughts are different). I can't even imagine in my mind to tell it to someone. But recently I decided that I'll go and see a psychologist, and I'll tell it in a way or another. A psychologist know that these thoughts aren't your fault and that you aren't the only one. He won't be shocked. Please, try to do it. Maybe you could begin telling him that you have something to talk about but it's difficult, and then if you want you'll go on, if not you can wait another time.
Wish you all the best You are not alone!

I'm no psychologist but I have a theory that people who suffer from these kind of thoughts may have been sexually abused themselves and are terrified at the thought that they could do that to someone else?

I think that having these thoughts doesn't mean that you ARE one, but that you are afraid of BECOMING one. The fact that you know it is wrong and feel guilty about it are good signs.