[untold27]

Hello.

I feel idk..stupid? for posting a new thread about my situation, but I feel as though I need to get this out and ask for opinions, and you guys seem nice enough anyway.

Alright. For a while now, I have noticed that I have been having what I feel as an abnormal amount of anxiety, centered around worrying about miniscule and pathetic fears. Many, though not all, link back to situations where I can give a reason for why the worry has spawned.

Examples include:

I worry about locking myself out of my dorm house. I did that once and stayed in the stairwell for five minutes until someone came out and I could go back and get my keys. In response to this, I check to make sure I have my keys on average, about five times before I leave the dorm. (Twice before I leave the room, once at the elevator, and a couple times as I walk through the lobby.)

After I come home from work on the weekends, while I am in bed, I will get a sudden worry that I didnt put the car in park, set the parking break, or turn off the lights, even when there are times when I know I did it. I will have to force myself not to think about it in order to go to sleep (I try as often as possible to not actually go out and check if I know for a fact I turned it off).

When I am being picked up from school on the weekends, or anytime I need to be picked up (not as much now that I have a car), wow.. those situations are probably the worst. If my ride is not out in the parking lot when I get down there I begin to slightly panic.. slightly in the fact that I dont have an anxiety attack, but inside my mind is racing. All of these thoughts come racing in my mind and I dont know what to do. This will even happen when I am early and they are not even scheduled to be there yet.

These are just a few things that I have noticed recently. I am starting to keep track of everything that causes me anxiety, that I can pinpoint anyway, to get a better grip on it. But since I have confronted the fact that I may have an anxiety problem, my anxiety has been getting worse. It is the only thing I can think about and I have lost much of my already draining concentration worrying about it, although I dont know what exactly why I am worried about having an anxiety problem..

even right now I am feeling tense...and.. frustrated....

I would like to go to a doctor to have an official diagnostic, but I don't want to have to confront my mom about it, but if I don't I have no way of going. I feel as though she will push it off and think that I am stupid for wanting to go to the doctor.

I don't know. That is my story.. really long and possibly pointless. I dont know.

Feedback would be really appreciated.

[Maven]

First, welcome to the boards, untold.

If you have a car, why can't you go by yourself? If you're in college, I'm assuming you're over 18.

How about talking to your school counselor, or an aunt or other adult relative you feel comfortable with? In my opinion, you have symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD, but what a doctor or psychologist/psychiatrist would diagnose you with (if anything), may be something else.

If you're over 18, your mom doesn't have to know anything about it. Anything you tell your psych or s/he tells you is confidential, and your psych can't tell your mom or anyone else without your permission.

[untold27]

My dad doesn't trust the car.. if that makes sense. It is in really bad shape and he doesn't want to worry about me driving it and it breaking down. So he picks me up on the weekends where I go home to work.

As far as a psych vs. my mom goes, the way it works in my head is that I need to tell my mom so she can set me up with a doctor. I can't do that myself. I have issues dealing with responsibility.. Idk.. its stupid, I know. But whatever.

Thank you for the welcome!

[Maven]

If you have issues dealing with responsibility, that's another thing you need a psych to help you deal with. Why can't your dad take you, and make the appointment for you? Would he be willing to not tell your mom until you were ready?

[untold27]

the only role my dad really plays in my life is the picking me up aspect. i mention i would have issues telling my mom i wanted to go to the doctor, because she appearantly has the responsibility of us.

in fact.. i think if/when i discussed this with my mom.. we would hide it from my dad.......

[Maven]

Ok, then what about your school counselor?

[untold27]

before I even start.. I'll just go ahead and admit it.. I make too many excuses not to go..

Honestly, I don't want to deal with a school counselor. I really don't know how our wellness center works versus what you pay for what you dont and I dont know who to ask and dont want to have to bother trying to figure it out. It is (in my opinon although it may not make sense) easier to not stress about it then go for help.

Besides I have four weeks of school left and I need to get my act together and try to focus on my grades. (There's an excuse for you).

It is so stupid though. I refuse the opportunities I have to seek help even though I complain I want it. And I know how stupid I am acting, but I can't shake it. *rolls eyes* I annoy myself so badly...

Thank you for your advice and help though even though I seem to be shutting down everything you say to me, I really appreciate it.

[Gaston]

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untold27 said:
Hello.

I feel idk..stupid? for posting a new thread about my situation, but I feel as though I need to get this out and ask for opinions, and you guys seem nice enough anyway.

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Welcome to the forums friend. Do not feel stupid, whatsoever. MILLIONS of people have issues with anxiety in many different forms. Probably some people you know even have these problems in some fashion or another. Getting it out in the open is the first step in the road to recovery.

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I worry about locking myself out of my dorm house. I did that once and stayed in the stairwell for five minutes until someone came out and I could go back and get my keys. In response to this, I check to make sure I have my keys on average, about five times before I leave the dorm. (Twice before I leave the room, once at the elevator, and a couple times as I walk through the lobby.)

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Sounds like you are "checking". In that I mean, you already know you have your keys, but your mind is tricking you into thinking that you need to recheck to be sure. This is very common with people who have OCD, such as myself.

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But since I have confronted the fact that I may have an anxiety problem, my anxiety has been getting worse. It is the only thing I can think about and I have lost much of my already draining concentration worrying about it, although I dont know what exactly why I am worried about having an anxiety problem..

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You are having anxiety about having anxiety. First, you need to know that OCD is a chemical problem in the brain, having to do with the way your brain processes information. Secondly, you need to know that with a little determination, you can lessen the feelings of anxiety or even remove them altogether. It just takes a little time to retrain your mind. I think that OCD actually becomes habitual. It seems to start out as an annoyance, and then graduates into a real problem. I have a feeling that this happens because you end up training your mind to keep doing repetitive behaviors. Now it's time to "unlearn what you have learned" [Yoda, from the Star Wars movies (TM) all rights reserved]

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even right now I am feeling tense...and.. frustrated....

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I know your pain, I also have the feelings of being tense and frustrated, especially when I cant get my mind to repeat things precisely, and I end up spiraling into a long block of "thought repetitions".

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I don't know. That is my story.. really long and possibly pointless. I dont know.

Feedback would be really appreciated.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It's not pointless and certainly not stupid. One thing I would suggest is to read these forums, get into the chat rooms and talk to people. I have found that this whole website, the message boards and the chat rooms have had an effect on me. It is a place where i can come, be open about my problems, and talk about them without fear of people laughing at me, or thinking it's just some stupid silly little issue. Here, we all have our problems, and everyone understands what it can mean in our lives and how it can distract from our daily routine. Most of the time, I can come here, chat, read some posts, and write some posts, and when I am done, when I log off, I feel a little more at ease, a little more relaxed. This is because of the fact that I don't have to keep my problems bottled up any longer. I can be free to openly talk about them, and get advice from other people, and it feels very good to know that people understand. It's also because this is a place where I can admit that I have a problem, which is often the hardest thing to do.

Things I have written in my posts are things that I could never talk to my Dad or my real life friends about, but I feel that I have friends here who understand, and that is a great feeling.

Welcome to the forums friend. Post anytime, i'm sure you will have more than a few people willing to lend an ear, give some advice, or share stories of their own, just to let you know that you are not alone in this problem.

[untold27]

thank you. that post was very helpful.

[Maven]

I agree with Gaston. At the very least, learn what you can about your anxiety issues online.