Afraid of OCD getting worse...

I may have "shot myself" (ironically, because I'm obsessive), but I couldn't help having a thought that my OCD may get worse in the future... and now I'm stuck with that thought. (I've never had rituals, just a lot of guilt —that, when it hits, weights a ton —coming from family issues when I was little).

Two years ago I only had 5 mg of Olanzapine per day. My T removed the medication after gradually reducing it, then after some months without it I had a relapse.

I got back to the same dose and continued for almost a year, then the same procedure of removal.

Then again I had a relapse, but this time it was stronger (to the point that I could not think at all and "run away" from my dad's house because I thought I was being pursued by him and then by the police) and was given 10 mg of Olanzapine and 20 mg of Fluoxetine per day.

Now I'm having the amounts that are specified in my signature. My T has always insisted that it is a "maintenance" dose and that I should not worry about it, that it is just to kick the obsessive symptoms, but well I can't help being worried about the future. I know it's dumb to do so, but I need some reassurance.

Of course, I will talk about this in the next session.

Thanks for your time.

i worry the same way not being ocd. i just had a ptsd incident and that has always led to a mania in the past. my t got upset with me for flipping out the other day that i am going to get manic. how can i not when i have always got manic in the past?????

so i see your worry. you do well on medication and then your t takes it away and your ocd comes back. you were doing well and now it is being reduced again. i would worry to. it has happened every time. i dont think you are thinking irrationally. you have history to support your thoughts.

these t's with their "happy thoughts" expecting us to think things are going to be different. grrrrr

Thank you very much for your concern. I am sorry for your having to deal with mania, I never had (I think so?) one so I do not know how it feels, but it must be dreadful and horrible.

Actually, your answer was what I needed: not a happy-go-lucky (never used the term before haha) answer, but one based on experience and rationality.

It's just a guess, but may our mechanisms have something to do with what Eric Berne called "the games people play"? Btw, it's the kind of therapy that I do, Transactional Analysis.

Maybe it helps? I dunno (but it is interesting anyway).

It's not nice to worry about the future when there is uncertainty and it doesn't help when you have OCD as well. Hopefully in time, you can learn to cope with the uncertainty.

i am sorry that you are dealing with this..
actually it happens for me.. i too suffer from lot of guilt.
.i sit and worry about the events which happened years back.
even though,its not a big thing to worry..
be strong..

I'm sorry that going off medication hasn't worked for you, along with making things worse.

I felt my OCD got a lot worse in the last few months also. I'm sure you'll be able to pull it through. Stay strong .

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg