Feeling really weird , Could use some guidance .

Hey,

I'm new here this is my first post, I wasn't sure where to post this but I do not have an official diagnosis or anything like that I have never been to a therapist or a mental health doctor before, but I feel like I need some help , I just don't feel right.

A little bit about me, I am a 22 year old male , currently in college, I go online because it just worked out that way, I have anxiety about being away from home, I tried going to university for a year and a semester it just didn't work out. Anyways I am doing fine in school passing all of my classes. I have a good relationship with my parents etc. everything is all right. I don't have many friends just one that I sometimes text from high school , he works and we don't see each other very much at all, but we still text each other. I have some phobias about graduating and finding a job but that should be normal like most people my age. I stopped driving after I had an accident , no injuries however it ended up going the usual route with suing etc . which has made me terrified to drive I only drive to the grocery store about a mile away any more. If I wasn't already paranoid that made me even more paranoid and afraid of society than I already am. I am all right with not driving though it seems many people do fine with walking to work or living in areas where cars aren't needed. Anyways that is a bit of background about me.

Here is my problem:

This was about 3 years ago

I used to work as a busboy in a restaurant, I didn't even stay very long only 2 months . It was really gross and I have phobias of human waste and germs and just gross stuff in general. I just can't handle being near other peoples waste and working that job I had to change restroom trashcans etc and it was really gross, I'm actually having trouble talking about it. I tried to put it out of my head but I can't stop feeling disgusting, I just feel unclean like I will never be able to be myself again. I do not think it is OCD but from what I have read I don't have compulsions , I did when I worked there every night I had a cleaning ritual I vigorously washed myself and before I left I poured bleach on my hands and arms , it helped me feel better at the moment burned off some skin though. However I was fine the past few years and up until a few days ago i started feeling really weird and disgusted with myself like a relapse for some reason. I don't know if it was brought on by stress but I just cant stop feeling gross and disgusted with having been near all that stuff. I mean I understand the body regenerates new skin cells and hair cells, but I cannot shake this feeling of immense uncleanliness and disgust.

I'm not sure what I should do to feel better but thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hello Greenleaf0: This post sounds familiar... like I may have read it & replied to it previously. Did you post it somewhere else as well? Anyway. no matter... just curious. You know, I think we all have things we're just not cut out to do. And being around, & handling gross stuff sounds like it one of those things for you, & that's fine. It's just important to realize that this is something you need to avoid & stay away from jobs that would require you to come into contact with that sort of stuff.

As far as what to do about your relapse, my perspective would be that the important thing here is not to ruminate about this. Continuing to dwell on it & allow it to rattle around in your brain, so to speak, may only make matters worse. So if you find that you simply cannot let this go, my thought would be that it may be best to get with a counselor or therapist & talk this through. From what you wrote regarding this, as well as your reaction to your traffic accident, it sounds as though while you may well not have OCD, you do experience some extreme reactions to various kinds of situations. Left unaddressed, this may not serve you well as you continue on in life. My best wishes to you...