Its getting Bad

Hello ,

I already wrote about my fear of becoming psychotic .... Well it was ok for a few weeks! The fear was present all day but not that much ...

But now since yesterday it's getting worse

It started when I had a walk with my two kids ! They sat in theire buggy and I had some music in my ears ... I was so into that music and suddenly I felt derealised and depersonalised so much .... The self-observation started and I did not took long and I was totally sure that this is it now and that my biggest fear now is becoming reality ! It not just felt like I will develope psychosis it felt like i am right in a psychotic episode ! My ocd then got so worse , that I started to think that I am delusional ! I thought about events that happened in the past and that could have been the first signs .... I went to bed yesterday with a terrible fear inside and I woke up with that ! Also had a dream about hearing voices and being psychotic ... I feel so bad right now ! My two kids are around me and I try my best to function but is still feel the derealization and depersonalisation so bad , so it is hard for my to move on right now !

Is it done now ?!? Am I actually psychotic and its not just anxiety and ocd anymore ?!?

We are not psychiatrists, so we can't tell you if you are psychotic or not. But I have heard people say if you can ask if you are psychotic, you probably are not.

I can tell that you are very anxious right now, and that seems like your biggest problem. Can you take something for anxiety (a benzo, like Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, or Ativan)? If you don't have something to take, can you make a doctor's appointment ASAP to see if you can get put on a medication for anxiety?

My best advice is to get distracted. Talk about ANYTHING but how you feel and your worries. Get some exercise. Dance to your favorite music. Do a guided meditation. Get busy helping other people. Watch a funny movie.

You really don't seem psychotic. It seems like anxiety. Practice some deep-breathing and do anything you can to help the anxiety. Tell yourself "this is not a psychosis thing, this is an anxiety thing." Trust your family and friends to tell you if you are out of touch with reality or not. If they are not concerned that you are psychotic, you probably are not.

Do you have a good therapist you can talk to about this? I'd get an appointment with him/her ASAP as well as your doctor about the anxiety. You will be okay.

Thanks a lot for your reply MusicLover82��

I have to thank you so much cause you take the time to answer my questions and fear ! You already answered my first post and it helped a lot ! Today it's a little bit better ...but still not like it was ! When the derealization and depersonalisation hit me like this , it just feels so unreal ... Everything feels so unreal ! It's not like I really have delusions but when I feel like this I am testing myself and am looking for any sign that would proof that I am psychotic you know ?!? Like " am I feeling watched?" " am I feeling like people are out to get me?" "Did I completely lost touch with reality now ? ....
I talked with a few therapists about that ! They also Know about my fear of being delusional Nd they say it's all due to my anxiety and Ocd and because I read so much about schizophrenia and psychosis .Also my family knows about my fear ! I always have to get assurance from them that I am not acting weird or something ! But feelings and situations like Saturday make me questioning what the people are telling me ! I ask myself "what if they miss something?" "What if they misdiagnosed me?"
And it feels like I can't do anything to overcome this fear and becoming psychotic is my destiny
Everytime when I start to feel happy the fear pops in my mind and I can't be happy anymore cause I think about this horrible thing that will happen to me in the future even though it seems to be Just in my head ��