[Messi73722]

Hi guys, i'm new here, 19 yrs old and really desperate. Since last thursday i've been having what I think are Pocd and Harm ocd intrusive thoughts about my possibly dearest relative.

Now some background, my life is a mess right now. All my friends moved on with their lives, I've been alone for the past four years and my self-steem is the worst sometimes.

Well, I kind of always had intrusive thoughts but never really gave them any second thought because I love my family too deeply to ever treat those thoughts as anything else than bs.

A week ago, some guys tried to break into my house and I had a panic attack on top of my very elevated anxiety. The next day I was in my home alone with my loved one and I had a horroble, horrible intrusive thought about doing something too disgusting to write down. I freaked out and I had a maybe my worst panic attack to date. I started lingering and trying to reassure myself I would NEVER do that under any circumstance, but they kept coming. Anxiety increased a lot but decreased at night.

I googled up what was happening to me and ocd came out.

Now, relevant things to my case:

I've had relationship ocd in the past, as well as similar obsessions with fictional things. I never knew they were ocd until I looked up the symptoms and was quite interested in the fact that I almost always get over them on my own, although i doubt it was for the better. This is too much worse.

I've had 2 pocd 'intrusive thougts' in what I would only call nightmares. It was before all this, earlier this year, and I popped out of them like you would from a nightmare and felt really sick about them.

Never felt attracted to children in any way, but I fear it may be something subconscious? (

Always attracted to girls + o - my age with a fixation for slightly older women.

I'm left handed, when I read pedophiles are prone to be left handed it triggered me.

Well, I'll expand if necessary. Guys this is horrible and I'm so scared.

[Messi73722]

I don't want to be a chore, but any reply would make me feel a little better. The anxiety came back and I doubting myself again and it hurts.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Messi73722: I see this was your first post here on PC. I'm sorry you are only now receiving a reply. Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I have had problems with intrusive thoughts as well over the years. So I have some idea of what you've been dealing with.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[MusicLover82]

My psychologist has told me that generally intrusive thoughts are things that the person would NEVER dream of doing. Recognizing that it is an unwanted intrusive thought is important. The fact that it scares you shows that you would never do that. The goal is to become desensitized to those thoughts where you can just brush them off as intrusive and know that they are not your true desires. I've gotten to that point with intrusive thoughts: I'll have one from time to time, and brush it off and just keep doing whatever I was doing. They are not "of me," that is, of my true desires. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this?

[MewMew1996]

Hi, I know this probably won't help as much but I deal with the exact same thoughts as you and I can relate to you believing that it something in your subconscious but upon talking to a therapist in the past she told me that these unwanted thoughts are just that...thoughts...just like feelings they don't define the person that you are and just because a thought crosses into your head doesn't make you a sick human being according to her everyone has these thoughts they are just able to let them be just thoughts and are able to let them go within seconds while people who suffer with anxiety/OCD tend to over analyze everything and try to make sense of it all . Like I said I still deal with this myself and am currently struggling with it while being 30 weeks pregnant on top of it all so I don't have any advice to help you cope but do know it's brought me comfort I am not the only one out there with these thoughts because they're truly taboo subjects to discuss openly even with therapists , So I hope in that sense ive brought you some comfort in knowing you're not alone either , Logically I know I am not a monster and You aren't either . Give yourself credit in knowing that you do know in fact right from wrong , Keep in mind true Pedos don't view their actions as wrong and feel no remorse . Hugs to you hopefully the thoughts pass