Mostly recovered from OCD and having a weird problem

So like the title says, I'm mostly recovered from OCD (obsessional type) but I'm having a really weird problem. First, I'm ashamed of the way I acted during my experience with OCD after looking back on it. Also, I noticed the other day that my younger sister has been showing some signs similar to the beginning stages of my OCD years ago, like worrying she's going crazy and spending a lot of time alone ruminating over things etc.
I have been TERRIFIED lately that she is going to get OCD, for a lot of reasons. First off, because OCD is the worst as you all probably know and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Second off, (and this DOES NOT apply to anyone else, just saying this from looking back on my own experience) because I had a lot of other issues in addition to OCD, such as low self-esteem, insecurities, attention-seeking, depression, dependence, social anxiety, the desire to "escape" real life, and I know my sister has a lot of those qualities too. I regret most of the way I handled my personal experience with OCD, because sometimes I was stupid and used it as an excuse or get attention and sometimes I "chose" OCD over recovery because I felt comfortable playing the victim and didn't realize how much control I actually had over my life at the time. I feel determined now from preventing my sister to get sucked into the unhealthy cycle of using mental illness as a escape from responsibility or as a way to continue feeling sorry for herself like I did. I know from growing up with her that she shows even more dependent behaviors and attention-seeking behaviors than I ever did, and my family has a history of BPD-like behaviors and I'm terrified if she got OCD she would handle it way worse than me because of that, and I want to prevent her from making the same mistakes in trying to deal with it that I did (Again, I am not implying that anyone else's OCD is related to these themes too, I obviously had a lot of other issues going on too).

I feel really bad now, because I feel like I am a terrible person for finally admitting to myself how many times I let myself get sucked into obsessions because I was avoiding real life. I am worried I am a terrible person for the way I handled my experience with OCD considering all my other issues. Also, I feel like a terrible person for assuming that my sister would be the same way if she had OCD, when maybe she would handle it differently or better than I did. Also, I feel terrible because I just realized awhile ago that part of the reason I want to help her not to have OCD is because I would be JEALOUS on some level if she also had it too. I know that sounds very odd, and I don't understand that feeling at all but I know it's there and it makes me feel like a horrible person. So basically, I just feel like I'm the triple whammy of horrible people and I don't understand why on earth I would be jealous of that, or why I can't stop feeling so ashamed for not always assuming full responsibility for myself and trying to get better when my OCD was at its worst.

I've recovered from OCD too with therapist medicine and mental camp. It's quite weird though because I struggle with low self esteem and attention seeking behavior. Now first off do not feel bad for having OCD. You didn't choose to have OCD. OCD is a mental disorder so therefore it's a problem. No one is laughing at you and now one is ashamed because it's a serious problem. Now what your writing sounds like OCD. Your not bad because of those behaviors. It is very very hard to resist compulsions. OCD is built around the fact that it is very very hard to fight these ideas. It's obsessive that's why. It's not your idea or want for OCD. You didn't choose to do these behaviors therefore you shouldn't feel shame. Now your thinking in a distorted thinking style. You think that because you do these THEREFORE you MUST be shamed. I put those in capitals because those are the key words. Don't feel shame and don't feel depressed for it.

I have to admit, I'm close to tears reading this. Occasionally, I find a post on here that I say "this describes me to a tee," on, but this is the ultimate one. The horrible guilt. The knowledge that you actually let your obsessions take you over sometimes, because you can't face the rest of the world, or you actually use it sometimes to get attention, which makes me feel like the biggest monster in history. The constant questioning of whether or not you are a terrible person. The way other emotional issues fueled even greater obsessions, and behaviors. The slight jealousy or outrage someone else could be stealing your thunder when they show signs of the same illness (for me, it was my cousin). But most of all, the inescapable feeling that you are a terrible person. I just....wow.

I don't know what to say to all this. Just...I get it. I get it so very much.

Well I can honestly say I feel a lot better in knowing you feel the same way and that I am not alone, and hopefully you can find relief in knowing you are not alone either! *Hugs*

God I'm an idiot. I didn't read it thru and understood it sorry, but I get what you mean. But you seem to be switching towards a more bpd type thing. But I'm not the best at this and shouldn't diagnose because I'm no mental health expert even though I'm obessessed with the dsm5 for OCD like reasons

I feel better too. It's such a complex pot of emotions stewing. Thank you for sharing this. I really hope you start to believe you aren't a terrible person (I need to listen to what I'm saying, too). I'm so appreciative of what you've shared tonight.