Anyone having difficulty today because its "person who biologically fathered you" day

biiv · Jun 22, 2009, 04:58 PM

omg nightbird. i so want to cry after reading this post but i just dont have it in me to let go.
thank you so much.
this is exactly what ive been trying to be brave enough to look at for myself in the last few months and i havent been able to. to see it written out like that is so clear.
i dearly want to be able to do what you re doing.
wow.
thanks nightbird. im so glad you re able to do this for yourself and for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nightbird

If I give the love and support I need from my Dad to him... maybe he will heal a bit as well. He has to know what he has done, in regards to hurting little children with his anger and uncontrolled tantrums in the past.

I will give him the love I do have, and I hope that he feels accepted, because I do know he was worried sick about my cancer diagnosis, as any father would be, good or lousy... I know he loves me the best he can.

...

I feel good that I did this because, heck, I need forgiveness in this world too
... and although I did not do what he did, I also hurt those I loved at times.

Heck, who hasn't.

...

I have the abandoning type, the always said 'no' man, the negative guy who didn't see his girls as little innocent precious things, but rather nuisances, and expenses, so we all left his household in our teens, after feeling like dirt from both parents, and not understanding men at all, or how women were either.

...

I want to be as healthy as possible, and that means I must lose the fears and the past baggage as well, and for me, this is important

...

So, I forgive, release, and am explaining to you all, why I do, because maybe someone else is on the fence, and wants to give the Old Man some gratitude because they found something in their heart worth saving, and tossed out the bad in order to live also.

I'm not saying this is possible for everyone... or that this is what others need to do.

I'm saying I do have this road, and on my path, is forgiveness to all in this life, so that I can be whole again after going thru so much... I do not care to revisit such difficulties, so I embrace changing what I have put off or denied, or didn't know existed in me before.

Peace and Love,
Night
xoxo

Anyone having difficulty today because its "person who biologically fathered you" day

Anyone having difficulty today because its "person who biologically fathered you" day

biiv · Jun 22, 2009, 04:59 PM

(((((((((((((((rainbowzz)))))))))))))))))))
i hope you feel better by now.

AAAAA · Jun 22, 2009, 09:51 PM

At the risk of spreading negativity, do you think that those "fathers" that have produced children and abandoned them even think of them on father's day? Do you think that it even crosses their mind of what they've missed out?

Zen888 · Jun 22, 2009, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainbowzz

I want to say a big "F" fathers day. Use that as you wish, frig, fail, flunk, or other creative words.

Keep your chin up guys

I was in a support group a couple of years ago and we were asked what we would say to our fathers on father's day if we could. When it was my turn I told the group exactly how I felt and what was on my mind. I said something like "I hope he is burning in hell" (my dad passed away well over a decade ago). The group later shared what I said with a larger group. They were all shocked and angered by what I said. I guess they wanted me to say " oh dear father how I love and miss you so!"

Rapunzel · Jun 22, 2009, 10:27 PM

I helped a client write a letter (he actually sent it) confronting his father and setting conditions for letting him back into his life. It was pretty harsh.

I helped my kids get a father's day card, while musing about all the wonderful things that the cards say and that I just don't feel that way about my father.

I felt like crying while listening to the tributes to fathers and all that they do for us in church, and was vaguely aware of being sad because mine just didn't do those things.

I thought about calling him, or sending an e-card, because that's what we're supposed to do, and then got busy with other things and forgot.

I don't know if I should feel bad about not calling him and not sending a card or anything. My father isn't bad and didn't do terrible things. He just didn't seem to know that I existed except when he was trying to get me to be like him. I didn't want to be like him, so I was invisible. My family never bothered with cards or phone calls or anything like that. They said it was a waste of money. They never called for birthdays or holidays, etc. So why feel bad for not calling them? Um, I thought I didn't want to be like them, but I guess I am like them.

AAAAA · Jun 22, 2009, 10:32 PM

Zen my personal opinion is that there is a special place in hell for those people that have children then just abandon them. I'm not talking about things like adoption, I'm talking about "oops, there's a kid. Oh well. Ooops there's another, wonder what causes that, oh well not my problem."

Zen888 · Jun 23, 2009, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Zen my personal opinion is that there is a special place in hell for those people that have children then just abandon them. I'm not talking about things like adoption, I'm talking about "oops, there's a kid. Oh well. Ooops there's another, wonder what causes that, oh well not my problem."

My dad's ooopsy wasn't a child. He physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me as a child and young teenager. He also physically abused my mom and my brother. And had an affair with another woman.

claudiac · Jun 23, 2009, 03:47 AM

RAPUNZEL ... I hear you. Let's just say, I didn't wish my dad a Happy Father's Day today. Each year, I usually send him a card. No card this year. I had more important things to worry about ... ME. Do I feel guilty? No, not too much. I made a huge effort last year to visit him for his 75th birthday celebration. He hardly spoke to me while I was there. I thought to myself: "Why am I here? Strangers are more polite to me, more caring, more anything." No point harping about it. It just is. It's an old story that I have resolved within myself over the years. It's not painful, just annoying.

Shangrala · Jun 23, 2009, 08:14 AM

My hubs comes home Sunday nite from his routine weekend stay with his girlfriend (leaves Friday evening...wastes no time to clean up after he gets home from work, then makes his mad dash out.....And returns Sunday evening...in time to bish about how I don't have a dinner waiting for him...omg, lol...this man hasn't a clue).
He parades about, verbally stating to himself, (in front of our 13 yr old daughter, of course), "Happy Fathers Day, dad"....Naturally, attempting to get a response from my daughter.

I say to him, "Any one man can plant a seed and leave it to grow on its own. But, the man who remains and nurtures its growth is the man who earns the honor of the harvest".

Needless to say, (as with most men of his caliber), he needed translation...Uhmmmmm. Duhhh? I told him to think about it some..lol. Though, I know he isn't capable of understanding. I didn't take it any further.
Any man who needs to have the definition of what being a father means translated to him is a man who shouldn't even be fathering. PERIOD.

My heart to all those who has been denied a father's presence, and moreso to those who's father's remained and abused them

Shangrala

AAAAA · Jun 23, 2009, 10:06 AM

Zen, yep they have their own reservation too.

Zorah · Jun 26, 2009, 04:28 AM

The only "father" we knew, died when we were quite young & he was ok, but we don't think he was the sperm donor *sighs*
We will never know now

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Anyone having difficulty today because its "person who biologically fathered you" day

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