[vacantangel]

I would like to make amends to those that I have hurt/angered/upset/disappointed/whatever in the past. I deeply regret the hurtful and harsh things I've ever said in the past. Life is too short to have animosity towards each other. I started by sending PMs but some people have their PMs shut off. Anyway, I thought this would be the better way, that way I can say I'm sincerely sorry for all my past behaviour and words or maybe lack thereof without unintentionally leaving anyone out. I hope anyone who has any ill-feelings towards me can forgive me. Life is too short to hold onto grudges. I would like to start new with EVERYONE if y'all can find that possible to do with me. I'd like to get back to supporting each other. Afterall, isn't that one of the reasons we all came here? If anybody would prefer to discuss this with me via PM instead of on the forum, then I'll gladly accept them. I hope y'all can open up your hearts to me and accept me as I am accepting ALL of you in with an open heart and arms. Peace and love to all. May all your dreams and prayers be answered. Also, I apologize for not reaching out to give anyone support in the last week. I was absent from the forums, so I'm not abreast to what is currently going on with anyone. I hope y'all can find a way to forgive me. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I am trying.

we welcome you back with open arms...........

[vacantangel]

Thank you butterfly but I'm not actually back yet. I still need a break from the forums. I'm not in a good place at all right now, in fact, I'm worse now than I was for the last week I've been absent. I am offering my apologies as part of my healing process. I hold absolutely NO anomosity towards anyone, without exception. I would like to be friends and accepted by all as I accept everybody here at PC, without exception. Right now, I'm feeling like my apology is not being well received as I am not either. Of course, that makes me really sad.

I apologize for my continual absence from the forums. I do and will check in for PMs though. I will continue to pray for everyone here while I am not here.

Much peace to everyone.

[oksomaybeimnuts]

(((angelgirl)))

My dear angel, I'm so glad to see you back. This is a brave and bold move. It truely shows what you're made of. You are everything I knew you were... and that's meant in the best possible way. I love ya.

Ry

[vacantangel]

Thank you to those of you who have been brave enough to reply to my thread. It is very much appreciated.

But courageous or not, it seems that I am unforgiveable in the hearts of those I have wronged, as none have accepted my heartfelt apologies. I guess I hoped for too much.

Angel, give them time... this thread's only been up for 13 1/2 hours. Maybe the people in question haven't been online today.

Ry

[Nerak]

((((((((((((Angel Girl)))))))))))))

[vacantangel]

Most have Ryan, I was just kidding myself that I could actually be forgiven.

[wi_fighter]

AG, I haven't replied to your thread because I don't even think we've had a chance to meet. So, I'm saying hi now, so you can breathe easy that you didn't do anything to upset me.

(((((((AngelGirl))))))

[TgrsPurr]

Hey there AG, we've already made our peace in the private forum, and for that I am grateful. Beneath all your issues with your illnesses lies a heart as big as the moon, no, the sun! You are sensitive, caring, nurturing and as this post shows, humble.

I would like to offer a bit of insight that I hope comes out right because I have no malice in my heart what-so-ever. As I said when I first started posting here and you were one of the first few ppl I posted too, you had captured my heart while I was on the sidelines. You made me care about very much. You suffer more than anyone I've ever known. You're cries of despair can be positively heart wrenching. I wanted so desperately to help you, to ease your burden even if just a little bit. And after a great effort on my part, I found I couldn't. I felt let down with myself that I couldn't break through to you. And the more I tried, the more drained I felt. I finally realized that you're well-being was not for me to create. I was being arrogant in my belief that I, when no one else could, would be able to rescue you from your torment. For that arrogance, I apologize to you because this created a rif between us. Now that we have a new beginning, I'm not going to try to make it all better for you, instead I'm going to express my understanding, compassion and support through my own personal experience and just to let you know that I care. I pray that this will be enough for you, that you will come to realize that your own personal strengths, and use those to elevate your self when you get so down and become so tormented by the deep, deep depression that you experience so much in your life.
Believe me, I wish I could do more. But I can't, no one can, it's up to you and God to find some sense of peace. And like I said, I will be here for you to encourage you and offer support when you are down.

I really hope all this comes across properly and that I haven't said anything wrong. The last thing I want to do is upset you further or make you feel worse about yourself than you already do. I want to remind you again of the big heart you have, your nurturing spirit and limitless compassion you show others. Now it's time to do all of that for yourself. TgrsPurr.

[vacantangel]

((((((((((( butterflylady ))))))))))) thx for your very kind words

((((((((((( oksomaybeimnuts ))))))))))) thx for the hugs, love your name btw

((((((((((( Ryan ))))))))))) You've always seen the very best in me even when I'm at my worst, you know how much I love you too!!! I do hope you're doing much better than the last time we spoke when we were both fighting the exact same demons. Unfortunately, I still have not recovered from then, hence my taking a break from the forums. I find myself falling much further into the abyss than I was last week with the demons screaming even louder at me than before.

((((((((((( Fury )))))))))))) thx for your kind words and hugs

((((((((((( ozzie ))))))))))) thx for the hugs and for always trying to encourage me!

((((((((((( Fuzzybear ))))))))) Thx for the hugs, I hope you're feeling better these days!

((((((((((( Karen ))))))))))) Thx for the hugs!

((((((((((( wifighter )))))))) Welcome to the forums, thx for the hugs and kind words! Wish we met under better circumstances.

((((((((((( TgrsPurr ))))))) Yes sweetie, we have already made our peace and you were so very gracious to accept my apology in PM. I'm sorry you felt guilty cuz you couldn't *fix me*. I'm not asking nor expecting anyone to do that cuz I know no one here can do that for me, all I'm asking for is to be acknowledged, accepted, understood, validated, listened to, not judged, comforted, and with any kind of hope loved. Maybe that's expecting too much, I don't know, but I think you master that wonderfully. I've been drawn to you since your very first post here. You have a magnetic personality and a heart of pure gold and I thank you for finding room in it to give me another chance. I hope others that I have hurt or angered will have an open and loving heart as you and can follow your example, although at this point it looks as if they will not be doing so, although I think not everyone has seen my apology yet, but some have and have not responded. That breaks my heart even more but I guess I only have myself to blame.

In return, I give y'all acknowledgment, acceptance, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on, my heart, my non-judgmental understanding, validation of your thoughts and feelings even if they differ from mine (that's irregardless), my friendship, my love. I'm usually able to manage all of the above even when I'm down, my heart is still open to help others in whatever way I can and is needed even if you don't know me, please just ask and I'll be there for you!!!

And for those of you who have ever reached out to me, my undying and very grateful THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!

Much love and peace to ALL.

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((AG)))))))))))))))))))))

[vacantangel]

((((((((((((( Jen )))))))))))))) Thanks for the hugs. I know you're always there for me, as I am for you. I hope you have a better week at work and that you get the corrected estate papers soon.

[Overcastbutclearing]

AG,
You know how I feel about you kiddo! I care deeply about you. We all have times when we just need to let everything pour out of us...sometimes without recognizing the hurt it may cause others only because we ourselves are so hurt and angered.
Continue to stand true and strong. Continue to believe in yourself.
It seems like we are on the same journey but where it differs is the stage we have reached. And sometimes there are obstacles in the way.
I think you are awesome.
((((((angelgirl))))
Forever my friend here!

( you know what this is right?)

[vacantangel]

Also, bringing this up with hopes of the very few people that come to mind that I have wronged will find themselves with both an open heart and open mind to receive my genuine and heartfelt apology. Doesn't everybody deserve forgiveness? Who among us has never made a mistake that they too would want forgiveness for?

[vacantangel]

sj - Gosh girl, thank you for your very kind words, the sharing of your feelings, analysis of our actions and your hugs. Your words indeed speak the truth. I have found a good friend in you. I'm glad that I reached out a loving, supportive hand to you when you first came to PC, bearing such a troubled heart. We will both travel this journey together, holding each other up along our way.

(((((((((((((((( sj )))))))))))))

I have, up to this point, used this smilie to reflect my ever-changing ultra-rapid-cycling, which for the last several days has been totally out of control, hence my not posting, but I can also interpret it as the ups and downs of life. What is your interpretation of using it?

[Overcastbutclearing]

My interpretation is it takes 2 friends to have a good time on the see saw. I need you, you need me....and together we can hang in there and get through the darkness!

[vacantangel]

sj - very good interpretation and wonderful use of the smilie and a very truthful one too. We do need each other and we will continue to help each other find our way through the darkness when we can't see it ourselves.

[Dolfin]

((((((((AG))))))))

I'm in a similar place as you are, and although we havent had the opportunity to get to know each other better, I wish you well during your 'break' (heck, I'm supposed to be on one myself LOL), and know in your heart, you have a friend in me when the opportunity presents itself.

Much Love,
Dolfin

[vacantangel]

Dolfin

I'm emerging from the hell and chaos of feeling extremely depressed, suicidal and then followed by ultra-rapid-cycling for 3 hellish days. It was a very horrendous 1 1/2 weeks to be sure. I'm feeling better this afternoon, I'm starting to feel some inner peace and am using this period of 'normalcy' if that's what it is, to do some self-improvement and growing. I'm creating a 'healing' binder. I'm doing all sorts of research on the net and when I find things that scream out to me, I'm printing them off and putting them in a binder. I will study from my binder and try to use it in times when the cycles find me back in torment again, hopefully holding onto at least some of what I'm learning now.

So, with that, I've also decided to start posting again. I do still feel somewhat easily triggered so I feel both strong and fragile at the same time, if that makes any sense? I'm hoping this time of calmness in my soul will last for awhile so that I may continue to grow and become stronger. I'm also hoping that the cycles don't take a sudden change, whipping me back into depression and throwing this new found feeling of some peace out the window.

I'm sorry to hear that you find yourself in a not so good place and your own need to take a 'break'. I also hope you feel much better soon and that you can return shortly. I look forward to getting to know you better. Thanks for the hugs and the invitation of friendship.

Much love and peace.

((((((((((((( Dolfin ))))))))))))

[vacantangel]

Well, I've extended my heartfelt apology here on the open forum for those that feel that I have wronged them in any way and I have also sent PMs to those of which I had the ability to. Both methods have bore no fruit of forgiveness or even replies. I have done all that I know of what I can do. For whatever each of their personal reasons are, they choose to not accept my apology, maybe at this time, maybe forever, only they know the answer to that. I'm choosing to move on to inner-healing knowing I've done everything that I can. My invitation of apology will continue to remain open-ended should they choose at any time in the future to accept it, so that they too may move on with their own inner-healing.

It saddens me that they don't accept my apology but I hold no ill-will towards any of them and I wish them all the very best in health and in life.

Love and peace to all.

Forgiveness (click here)

[TgrsPurr]

AG, that's not true! You and found forgiveness, don't lose sight of that fact. I'm not hurt that you said "no one" accepted your apology, I just want to give you a friendly reminder that your apologies did bare fruit. I'm the wacky tomatoe (which technically is a fruit!)
TgrsPurr.

[vacantangel]

Oh sweetie, I didn't mean to exclude you, we had found our peace before I started this thread, so this thread was not intended for peace-making between the two of us.

I'm very grateful that you accepted my apology via PM a couple of days prior to me starting this thread. Now we can move on to more important things, like nurturing our friendship that we started with your very first post.

I'm sorry that you felt your forgiveness granted to me was forgotten by the words in my last post. That is certainly not the case.

So then, let it be noted, that ONE person, TgrsPurr, accepted my apology for prior transgressions on my part and for that I'm very grateful.

BTW, I like whacky tomatoes!!!

[dayzee9]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((My AngelGirl )))))))))))

Much better attitude.I'm proud of ya!

w/ & DAYZEE!!