Facing the bully

Last week I ran into a bloke from my high school called Nick - for two years he made my life a living hell.

Although I've seen him since to say hello to I've not spoken to him since college when he used to make fun of me and that was over 15 years ago.

At first when I saw him I walked past and just smiled, then I decided to go back and chat.

We spoke for about 5 or 10 minutes about what we are doing now and what the last 10 years had involved.

Although nothing was mentioned of the way he used to pick on me I felt really good being able to face him as an equal and forgive him.

some people just don't understand how to treat others, but you showed him
choosing not to harbor resentment shows you have good character, BRAVO

Good for you!! pat

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Last week I ran into a bloke from my high school called Nick - for two years he made my life a living hell.

Although I've seen him since to say hello to I've not spoken to him since college when he used to make fun of me and that was over 15 years ago.

At first when I saw him I walked past and just smiled, then I decided to go back and chat.

We spoke for about 5 or 10 minutes about what we are doing now and what the last 10 years had involved.

Although nothing was mentioned of the way he used to pick on me I felt really good being able to face him as an equal and forgive him.

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Gosh, that's a hard one indeed. You are so brave to do that. I wonder what he was thinking? I can't quite manage the forgiveness myself.

I had something similar many years ago, but in my case the guy pretended not to know me. Maybe it was because I was with some big guys and he was alone at the time.

I thought his memory lapse was a bit strange as he had been investigated by the police for assaulting and wounding me. It's a very long time ago, but I'll be honest I don't really forgive him.

I'd like to know how you do the forgiveness. I have worked through a lot of stuff over the years but the forgiveness thing is still a block for me.

My respect to you Pauli,

Cheers, Myzen.

That was very admirable of you to be able to do that. Good for you Paul!!! BRAVO!!!

(((((((((((((((( Paul ))))))))))))))

Kudos on your forgiveness experience. You might check this book out on the topic. I haven't read it, but the blurb sounds interesting.

google this title to read an excerpt -- Forgive for Good - by Fred Luskin - 240 pages

excerpt from an article on the author

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Luskin himself chose to study forgiveness for his doctoral dissertation after his closest friend dropped him abruptly to pursue other parts of his life.

His search for ways to cope with the hurt led him to develop the Stanford Forgiveness Project, which already has provided training to hundreds of people. Luskin has also authored a forthcoming book, "Forgive for Good."

Among the points emphasized in the training is that getting other people to do what you want is usually futile.

"All the huffing and puffing and groaning and moaning you might do isn't going to make somebody love you more or be fairer or kinder to you," Luskin said. "It's a poor strategy that people don't give up easily, but it is something that can be learned."

POSITIVE RESULTS

Initial research results, presented Friday at the APA, indicate that people who went through the six-week Stanford program were significantly more optimistic and willing to use forgiveness as a coping strategy months after the training ended, than people who had been randomly assigned to a control group.

Furthermore, those who had taken the training reported fewer backaches, headaches, muscle pains, stomach upsets and other common physical signs of stress, Luskin said.

The project has since been extended to include small groups of people from Northern Ireland, and Luskin said they are making plans to take their work to South Africa as well.

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ciao
Saafir

((((((((((((pauli))))))))))))))

I think it's wonderful that you had such courage to put those old feelings aside and chat with someone who made you feel that way. I admire your strength and you should feel proud.

(((((((((((((((((((( pauli ))))))))))))))))))))))) how awesome for you!

i have to admit something here and now. i was the bully in school i realize now that i was acting on the emotional and physical pain i was receving but that doesn't make me feel any better. i wish i could go to each and every person with my sincerest apology and an explanation to help them to understand that it wasn't them i was making fun of...it was a horrid reaction of a child in pain.

if they could read this i would beg their apologies and offer them that explanation so they would know...it wasn't them at all. they were fine ppl.

i hope you know that it probably wasn't you either. it was something inside him.

love,

kd

That's inspiring. You deserve a HUGE pat on the back. Good on ya.

Ry

Last night as I drifted off to sleep I was thinking about forgiveness and I came to the conclusion that Forgivness is all about self healing, by that I mean in order to move on with life and to put the past behind me I had to forgive this person otherwise I would forever remain bitter and under his influence.

By moving on and forgiving him - I am free.

As to how I did it - I'm not sure - but It was something I think I had to do for me - it wasn't really anything to do with him.

Well, however you did it, you did so very well. As I said before, it's something to be very proud of.

Ry

Thank you.

Any time.

Ry