[Kathyanita]

All I'm saying here is ive been inpatient more than a dozen times (not counting brief stays for electrocution) and i never seen so much impulsive hard feelings (which is an oxymoron to be hardened suddenly ) as here where you CAN'T get your toes physically stepped on, or your posessions stolen or your grounds privilidges revoked. It"s VIRTUAL space ! Isn't there enough in here for everyone? I know people will think im ignorant of relationships and history here that preceeds my joining and so what. This is the time we have on earth right now!

[LMo]

[jmo531]

[dayzee9]

With All Due Respect............what??????

DAYZEE9............

[Kathyanita]

sorry
not trying to be vague or cryptic-
im reacting to the hard feelings that fester and erupt amongst the community on a cyclical basis. . .
(damn i didnt know i have the vocabulary for that)

[Hope4me2]

[Kathyanita]

refering back to the start of the thread-
ive also seen people instigate stuff out of a feeling of boredom , and also out of a fear that "Hey maybe im not important enough to anyone to cause a hostile or defensive reaction and that pisses me off . . ."
When we smile at another we like the smile to be seen and returned. When some feel anger and hurt we like to have the emotion seen and mirrored. Otherwise maybe we dont even exist.
I smile at trees and dogs and they never smile back. I get pissed at inanimate objects and the tv and they dont mirror my feeling. . .and yet im still here. ( Unless i interact too enthusiastically with said examples and it arouses the attention of well-meaning law enforcement. ) In patients are much more forgiving and tolerant in tighter quarters than folks sharing limitless virtual space , looking at a flat screen instead of a mirror or anothers eyes. The native peoples of this country were sure of thier identity and where they fit in nature and the universe- it was unquestioned- until the settlers brought them mirrors to trade - suddenly this device that showed people thier own faces could stir doubt and identity crisis where none had existed.

[Kathyanita]

[SweetCrusader]

i think i understand it, actually



it's not cryptic or strange, just requires some thought

[Kathyanita]

those of you who did try to relate and hear what were saying. . . ill shut up again and try to hear my self amidst the chattering. . . ill take the example to ignore my self. .. .

[dayzee9]

My entire life is a continous psychotic break.......if it wasn't.....I would be a vegetable! DAYZEE9

[Kathyanita]

forgive me - but i wasn't being light-hearted there ( of course humor and fun are not INappropriate - just not where i was coming from)

[MacD]

[(JD)]

Bear with me, I'm really trying to find your initial meaning here... in the use of "psychotic break" that you are "taking" does this mean you are returning to hospital? (as your reference to having done so in the past alludes to) Is it that you are on the edge of a bad place, and need to break away from it all, including psych central?

I do understand your frustration with the "site" and your trying to figure out why so many members act as though it were... real? What happens here, imo, is not "just" virtual... it's a little studied phenomena. For many, it's family, it's "owned" or at least "possessed" by members, and is something to keep safe from harm and fear.

I know you're new (yet don't wish to be denigrated for that) and indeed there is no fault for being new. Any reference I make to that effect is because those of us who have been in this realm a long time realize that these bumps - or burbs - in the life of psychcentral are customary and expected. It doesn't make them enjoyable, but knowing this too shall pass, helps limit the temporary frustration.

feel better.

[Kathyanita]

i confess to having trouble with the subject line- like it should be "catchy" enough to get people to actually read and considered thoughtfully what i wanted to say. the content was intended to be my sharing how i percieved the spats that were taking place and my thoughts on the universal flaw we have in recognizing ourselves in others and them in us. it is my frustration finally with trying to contribute and hoping to contribute to understanding but in language and metaphor that is aparently too ambiguous and not clear to others. The way i write is the way i think and i am prepared (yet ever disappointed) when i will be ignored or not understood for my communication style. im not sure this explanation belongs here as it will not be of "general" interest- but i wanted to answer you since you were kind enough to ask.

[January]

Hi KathyAnita,

I hope you come back soon. I always enjoy your company.

Jan

[Kathyanita]

Jan,
i am glad to read what you wrote - but i wasnt leaving. . . (every thing i say needs some follow-up disclaimer- its not you it's me struggling to communicate) . . . i want your company as well.

[Mahali]

KathyAnita,

i believe i understand your intentions.

It may be that people who are at an in-patient facility (and therefore) limited in space can get along better than an on-line community... ( where space is not limited and therefore should be big enough for all without fights and bickering )...precisely because they are face to face and it is much easier for some people to confront when it is not face to face.

i agree that at times people who are angry may...possibly unconsciously... want to evoke a similar reaction in others. Perhaps negative responses provide justification in themselves for feeling angry.

Your Native American analogy was very well put.

These are simply my thoughts on what you said.

Thank you.

[Kathyanita]

thank you Place-

for your deliberate reply that shows you heard-
you are so often kindly at our service in friendship.

[(JD)]

Kathy, thank you for your reply. Yes, I understood most of that as you intended, but wished to be sure. I do, however, think that your analogy of </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ive also seen people instigate stuff out of a feeling of boredom , and also out of a fear that "Hey maybe im not important enough to anyone to cause a hostile or defensive reaction and that pisses me off . . ."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> might be from a different perspective than what the truth may assert.

How does one know that someone is "instigating" , especially out of boredom or fear, without projecting something onto them? Maybe they are really seeking, maybe they are not as far along the pathway to understand these concepts yet, and are truly reaching out, however pitiful it may seem to some? Are we not judging if we attribute their posting to boredom or fear? Would I be correct in stating that your being PO'd and stating so is purely for attention? I do not believe that, but I could think it and decide that was your intention. And I would be inccorect. Plus, what good would it do me to think that way about you, and your posts. Again, I say that it's usually best, imo, to take posts at face value. I do not wish to judge another, project any of my perspective or what I believe to be true of another member, onto them. Let what the post says stand as evidence in itself as a testimony to what that member wanted to say at the time. To refer to native history, I believe it is said in something about walking in another's moccasins...

Recently there was a thread that also addressed how WE react to another. I have head knowledge of how hurtful it is to myself to allow someone else's feelings and thoughts affect me adversely. Nothing another says can truly change who I am. Now once I consistently get my feelings to follow that head knowledge, I will be better off.
What do you think about these things?

[Kathyanita]

youre right about not knowing whats in someone elses mind here. The example about people instigating was more elaboration about what ive seen as an inpatient in real life with people who did have thier intentions discussed in groups and among themselves. So i was suggesting that the behaviors COULD apply here- but are not open to the same kind of examination by all within the community. . . and its a handicap that we dont have the visual and vocal cues of face and body language and tone to help us understand each other. . .BTW i used to wear moccasins from the trading post but mostly went barefoot.

[(JD)]

I really prefer to go barefoot also!

Yes, and you've hit upon a point I make against online therapy: no halo data. It's very limiting, at least to me, to not have that to pick up the true meaning of what is being said... for surely, as you are expressing, what ppl say is often not at all what they meant. IRL, when we have those clues, we can tell that, I hear what you're saying but it isn't matching what I'm seeing from you.

For the above reason (among others) we simply must not read into what someone posts. If it take asking what they mean, and we risk their acting out back at us for asking, then so be it. Also, this is why we need to assume that the post is meant to be supportive. Unless it is obvious to all that it is unsupportive (in which case we don't reply, but notify the moderator) we have to search for whatever positive we can glean.

I expressly appreciate your ability to continue this communication with me here, for all to read, and not taking the questioning and my own thinking as an affront. This is really good posting for the site! (((hugs))))

[eskielover]

kathieanita,

The posting of this subject &amp; the responses is what I have always felt a forum is meant to provide...a place for one to express an opinion or thought or feeling....&amp; a place for others to answer as they feel necessary to express their feelings, opinions,&amp; thoughts without getting all bent out of shape because they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I have noticed that it is very hard to understand the meaning of some posts without knowing the persons background, seeing them &amp; their actions &amp; hearing their voice...all of what makes up a person..thus making it necessary to interpret the post as I read it which isn't always as it was posted. When I get into this position, I try to look into the past posts that have been made by the person to try to get a better understanding of where they are coming from. When I do that, I have now learned that if I have doubts about how to respond because I don't want my response to be taken the wrong way either &amp; don't want to be a part of any drama that is possible to occur. Thinking the saying here applies..."if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". It is a fine line we walk here at times &amp; common sense in the way we respond is necessary. That doesn't mean that we cant provide helpful responses &amp; not just the "poor baby" response that are safe, but we need to be aware of how to put our ideas out there diplomaticaly.

Just my thoughts on my experiences &amp; observations,
Debbie

[sqrlb8]

Kathy, you've done a fantastic job with your thread here, and all of those who have responded too.

I know how challenging this is for you, and I hope you feel good about what you have accomplished in communicating here. I have so enjoyed getting to know you through poetry and PM's. I hope many more can too. You've revealed much here, and all of it as beautiful as I know you to be.

sqrl.