[confusedteen]

So as the New Year begins so do a lot of new things that are going to happen.

I have decided over this winter break that everything that is slowly destroying me and causing me so much pain and stress and in just every way dragging me down needs to be said.

Over this break I had a sleepover with my 3 best friends and my twin sister and it started off as truth or dare but since it was so late and no one wanted to get up we just did truths the whole time. My sister asked me if I ever ate because to be honest with all of you I don't eat near as much as I should and I work out very long and hard for multiple hours a day. Then they all expressed there concerns with me and I listened.

Then as time passed my friend asked everyone what is one secret your willing to share with all of us. Things got really intense and deep very quickly. When it came to me I decided I was going to tell all of them my secrets because these people are my best friends in the world and have never done anything to break my trust so I knew I could trust them.

The friend that was sitting next to me knew most of this because I had confided in her over the summer. So heres my secret.....

I told them that I had been seeing a psychologist at school because things for me had gotten so bad and that they don't need to know the details but just that I was seeing one. The night went on and I ended up telling them why I had been going to see him and I am so glad I did.
I told them everything that was going on...and being at home was one of the hardest things for me to do and I was getting way to stressed and I told them the very stupid things I've done to try and cope with the reality of life. I told them about the alcohol and the suicide attempts and the pills that I was taking just to try and cope with life.

Then after I was done my best friend in the entire world started crying and I have never seen her cry before in the years that I've known her and she just started crying and it hit me so hard. She came over and sat next to me and at that point I was crying and so was everyone else in the room. (so much for the fun filled sleepover) Seeing her cry made it real to me that if I don't do something to fix life and make improvements and try and mend all the broken relationships with my family I'm not going to make it to college because what I'm doing now could kill me. So she made me promise her that I would stop taking the pills and call her whenever I felt the need and we would talk.

Then we all decided together that it would be best to tell the psychologist at school all this information. Once we go back to school were meeting with him and I'm having 2 of my best friends come with me. So we e-mailed him that night and I asked him if we could meet after break and it's going to happen now and I'm more scared than anything in the world.

With the stuff I'm going to say he is required to tell my parents because it involves harming myself. I am afraid to tell him but I will I have my friends right there so I know I can do it but I am completely down right terrified for my parents to find out because as far as there concerned I'm just this happy go lucky person all the time...but it's all a lie.

With talking with my friends and sister there is a mix of different feeling going through the room about all of this. My friends think I need to do this for me and so I can get help and get better and become a happier person. My sister also agrees with them but she is afraid that it is going to crush my mom. She also thinks that I am going to be treated differently because of this and my family will get overly protective of me. After her saying all this she is not sold that I should be saying anything.

So I'm not 100% sure what to do. I know I should let this all go because it's taking a toll on me and wearing me down so much but on the other hand I know my sister is right and it's going to crush my mom and things are definitely going to change. I don't want to hurt my family and I don't want things to get worse than they are now but I have failed so bad as a daughter and a sister and I want to make things right.

I'm scared for the tension that's going to be in my house and the awkward situations that I will have to face. I don't want to see my mom cry and I don't want her treating me like I'm crazy or that I have a problem and theres something wrong with me.

Any advice on what to do the day that the psychologist calls my parents and they find out everything I have tried so hard to keep hidden from them?? I don't think I will be going home the day they find out but I'm not sure that is the best thing to do but everyone needs a little time to let things sink it.

I am so scared......
Thanks for reading I know it's long
<3 Morgan <3

[VickiesPath]

Hi Morgan,

You are SO BRAVE!!! I am so impressed with your courage!!! Do you know that the definition of courage is to have intense fear and do what you need to do anyway? This is very, very mature of you. And it shows some very good self care on your part.

I am sooooooo glad that you and your sister and friends had this sleepover. Also, what you did by emailing your counselor at school was absolutely amazing.

You did the very best thing you could have possibly done for yourself, your sister, and your parents by arranging to meet with your school counselor about these issues and also to make a deal with your friends to be there with you. That makes for "accountability" meaning it's like extra insurance that you will follow through with your committment and they will also be there for support for you.

One thing I wanted to be sure to say to you. Do not be concerned with how your mom or either of your parents are going to react to this event. Your parents are the adults. They are the grownups. It is their job to be the adults and to raise you and your sister into healthy, happy adults. Naturally, there are going to be bumps and bruises along the way for them. But it is their job to handle it. And they will. They will be just fine.
They are supposed to be there to support YOU.

And also, please, please do not think of this as a failure as a daughter or as a sister, or even as a person. You have not failed at anything! If anything, you are succeeding in taking really good care of your health, your mental well-being, and there are so many things you are doing RIGHT by doing this, it's just that it's hard to see them right now when you are so anxious about what is coming up.

Yes, it will be upsetting, at least for a while. There will be changes. But it will all work out.

Lots of hugs for you.

[Indie'sOK]

I agree so much with Vickie. You are SO brave and strong for taking these steps!! I wish I'd had your courage Just remember that you are doing the right thing, and that things WILL work out soon. We are here to support you, and so are your friends and sister. You are doing this for yourself, and that is the greatest thing

Here is hoping your courage is handsomely rewarded, Morgan.

[Epimetheus]

I believe your family will recognize your strength in your decision and it is wonderful that your friends are by your side. It sounds like you are making the right decision.

[Kiya]

Wow - well, good for you for speaking up. Teens often think they need to protect their parents (I was one not too long ago). And you just said it - they think you are this happy go lucky person and it is all a lie. That is why so many teens end up committing suicide. I am VERY GLAD you are going to talk to the school psych about this. Yeah, things will be different - but they clearly need to be if you are feeling you have to live a fake life. And yes, your parents may become over protective of you, but once you are able to establish who you are, you will also be able to have a voice that can be heard and clearly tell them what you need, how much space you need - etc. Your parents may also brush it off - just something to think about. And is there any chance that your twin is really actually afraid of this bringing *her* stuff out in to the light? It seems odd that you would be going thru this much stuff and for her to worry more about mom than you. But that's just my take on it.
As one who did always hide everything from mom and always lived a fake life, I am here to tell you that I think you are very VERY brave and taking a huge IMPORTANT step. If more teens spoke out and reached out to professionals like you are doing, there would be far less teen suicide. It is a very real issue that cannot be overstressed.
Good for you!!! Have courage!!!

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by confusedteen

Any advice on what to do the day that the psychologist calls my parents and they find out everything I have tried so hard to keep hidden from them?? I don't think I will be going home the day they find out but I'm not sure that is the best thing to do but everyone needs a little time to let things sink it.

Can you talk to the psychologist and tell him or her about your fears and concerns with your parents finding all this out? If you do, maybe the psych will know how to convey the information to them in a better way.

[confusedteen]

Thank you all so much for your extremely kind words. =D I appreciate it so very much and realize that people care and there is good people in this world.

Kiya- That could be true about my sister that *her* stuff could come out too. I don't know if she has any stuff or what that stuff is but you're right she could be afraid about that and I never thought of that. The reason I think she is so worried about my mom is because she likes to please my mom and do everything that they ask and never wants to her hurt where as me on the other hand I will fight with my parents and I won't do everything they ask and I am not always the nicest person to them.

Reading all of this helps me believe that everything is going to be okay and if I stay positive about this then things will turn out positive and I am aware that they could just brush this off and we could just continue with everyday life and this could do nothing but I try not to think about the negative outcomes because all that does is put me in tears.

All I can really do now is hope to god that my parents will listen and not judge me and attempt to be here for me and make an attempt to understand where I'm coming from. I hope that we can build a relationship because of all this but I know that this could possibly move us farther apart but unfortunately those are the realties of life and not everything is going to turn out the way you want them to and you just have to learn to cope with it in a positive healthy way...hopefully that's something I will learn here very quickly.

Thanks for all your kind words
<3 <3 Morgan <3 <3

Wishing you every success.

[mlpHolmes]

Dear Confused Teen,

Wonderful and compassionate discussion above. So very proud of all the responses! Your parents may be shocked, Mom may cry, I believe they want to see you truly happy, no more lies, no more secrets. You are bringing out the truth - you are having difficulty coping w/ life's obstacles & need their help. College will be one of the most stressful times in your life. You are *not* a failure you need some help & that is ok. You are brave, & courageous.

You are *not* responsible for other ppl's (your parents or anyone else's) reactions. You have *no* control over how they will accept this news. I think maybe that is why you are so scared. Plz remember this. Let us know how everything goes. Plz PM me anytime.

In My Thoughts & Prayers,
Holmes

[Trying & Caring]

IF, however, your parents are not able to be understanding, helpful & supportive--please keep seeking help from other caring adults that you can trust. My parents had a lot of "stuff" going on so they were not able to help me. But there may be a trusted teacher, school counselor or member of your church or even your family doc that can help you.

I didn't pay attention or see what state you are in--sorry--but in Indiana you can dial 2-1-1 (like 9-1-1) for help & to get resources. Maybe Mental Health America (formerly Mental Health Assoc.) or NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness--nami.org) can direct you to resources as well.

Keep your head up & searching for help. You deserve it. It is not uncommon, unfortunately, for these kinds of difficult circumstances & emotions to be a part of your life, but you can overcome these difficulties & have a successful life.

Take care, dear...

How are you doing, confusedteen?

[susan888]

I'm proud of you Morgan you are doing the right thing! Are you OK?

Morgan
Honey, my heart broke reading your post. You are so brave and strong. I wish I could have done the same thing when I was your age.
Your parents will be fine. They're adults and love you unconditionally. Your sister may wonder what all will come out. Maybe she will lose some attention in the family and she is scared of that. The love your friends & sister showed you should prove how much you are valued.
I just feel you did the very best thing for yourself and your friends & family. If I was your mother, I know I would feel very proud to have such a smart, strong daughter.
Good luck! Please let us know how it goes. You are amazing!

[confusedteen]

Thank you so much everyone for all your kind words.

My family knows now and it has been one very stressful week.....
Monday night I was talking to my best friend about all of this and I told her it was okay to tell her mom because I love her mom and I trust her. Her mom was very supportive and told me she was here for me.
Then tuesday came around and I get tapped on the shoulder in lunch and its my best friend who was suppose to be in orchestra and my other friend standing there with my guidance consoler. Let me tell you, man was I scare because I knew what was happening. I get up and get my bag and my best friend tells me that her mom called school be she was concerned and wanted to make sure I got help sooner rather than later. So we walk down to our house(our high school has a house for every grade) and go into Miss Zielie's(school social worker) office with me and my two friends and Mr. Doyale(my consoler). We talk for about an hour and I was shaking the entire time just holding onto my best friends hand the entire time. Once it was time for them to call my parents I started to panic and breathe very fast and shake so bad. Mr. Doyale ask me how I felt and I told him...other than being scared to death it felt good to get it off my chest. Neither one of my parents picked up the phone so we waited for 15 minutes then they had to go to a meeting and we all went back to class. I went back during seventh period to see what my mom said and what was going to happen next. It turns out my mom reacted so much better than I thought she would. She even let me go to work which I was surprised about. Miss Zielie told me that my mom was taking me to the hospital the next day to be evaluated and then we talked for awhile.
Wednesday comes around and I leave school early to go to the hospital to be evaluated and I cried the entire way there. I was so nervous and I didn't know what was going to happen. Turned out that they just asked a lot of questions then call the on call psychologist to see what he recommends to do next. He told us that it was not severe enough for me to be taken out of school and put in a day program because that would do more harm than good at this point then he said that I needed to find a really good therapist. He gave us recommendations to two different places. Then I went back to school.
Thursday was my appointment with my therapist. I was not as nervous for this appointment as I was with the other. That whole process took almost two hours. She talked to me and my mom together first then she talked to my mom to get history and all the stuff like that and that took a long time. Then I talked to her for awhile by myself and she was a super nice person. We talked about the things I want to work on and so on. Then towards the end of the appointment she brought my mom back in and we talked about how often we should meet and scheduling and stuff. I am going once a week until things start to improve then I will go every other week. So I guess I will see what happens next week.
Right now I am not that optimistic because it a tall order to ask your family to change when this has been the way things have been going for so long. Old habits are hard to break. My biggest fear right now is that after a few days or weeks everything is just going to go right back to the way it was and this could be all for nothing.
I feel like everyone is tip toe-ing around everything and not saying much about anything. I feel like everyone is trying to act happy all the time. I would like to know what everyone thinks about all of this but my family does not talk that well. I am not asking for them to be happy all the time because we all know that no one is happy all the time and I am most definitely not. I don't want things to feel forced or fake I sincerely want things to change but in the right ways.
I will have to wait and see what the future holds because I am done trying to predict what will happen because I am always so wrong. I am just taking it day by day and hoping for the best to happen.
I will keep you all updated on how things are going.
Thank you all so much for caring.
Much love
<3 <3 <3 <3

[Yoda]

[susan888]

Morgan,

You have taken a very brave first step. I am so proud of you!!! I just have to believe that your parents will follow your example. Have faith sweetie!!! You are so very brave and I admire your courage so much!!

Sending you positive thoughts and much love! You have so much support here and with your friends....don't forget that...OK?

Susan

[NoLeafClover]

That is awesome! I'm so proud of what you did,it took alot of courage. You will get better because YOU want to.

[googley]

Morgan,
When I first told my parents about my depression when I was in high school, they didn't want to talk about it. Everyone walked about like on egg shells. It was awkward. But it got better with time. One of the things I talked about with my T was what it was like now that all the information was out. And what it was like with how my parents were dealing with it. I'm so glad that you were able to get the help you need. You are so strong! Take care of yourself.

Congratulations, Morgan. I am so happy for you. Yes, there is much to do, but as you say, take each day as it comes.

Good luck!

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by confusedteen

I will have to wait and see what the future holds because I am done trying to predict what will happen because I am always so wrong. I am just taking it day by day...

I say that's the way to go. Good for you!

... and hoping for the best to happen.

No harm in that --unless of course it distracts you from making it happen.

Thanks for the update, Morgan. Best of luck to you -- though you do show a certain aptitude for making your own.

[VickiesPath]

Morgan,

You are an amazing person! I am truly blown away by what you and your family have accomplished. It will be difficult. It will feel weird, at least for a while. Just remember, do it a day at a time. That's all you have to do.

A family is a microcosm. When one member changes, even a little, the entire family changes. But usually it takes a little while for the changes to become apparent. They don't happen overnight. You might be feeling a whole lot of different emotions inside of you but when you look at your other family members, you see them doing the same old things. Chances are, they are feeling different feelings but don't really know how to act on them yet. So things appear to be the same as usual. It's ok. Try to stay calm. Deal with how you are feeling and don't worry so much about them. As you change, the family really will follow, trust me. But it does take time. I know that a lot of what you were dealing with was because of how your family operated. Have faith that your therapy will help.

We care.

[confusedteen]

Hi All,
I thought I would give you all a quick update and let you know how things are going.
I've been in therapy for almost a month and it's helping a little bit but it will take time because this didn't happen overnight so it won't be fixed overnight either. I am being treated for anxiety, depression, and anorexia. Even saying those seam so unreal to me right now but I'm sure overtime things will get better and I will reconnect with my family and be a happier person again.
Thank you all so much for caring I really do appreciate it

Thanks for letting us know, Morgan. I am glad you making progress.

Be well.