Upset all the time.

What do you do when someone you have met really triggers you ?

They don't mean it and are basically a nice person but they have a knack of triggering you to a temper you get frustrated with them all the time ?

Do you have a word with them or try to ignore it or ignore them or avoid them ? I am at a loss.

I would reduce the amount of time I spend with that person. I have a friend who is a drainer so I reduce how much time I spend with her. Otherwise I would go crazy on her.

can you pinpoint exactly what it is that triggers you, a particular topic of conversation? maybe if you talk to her about the way you feel she can be more understanding, from her point of view, she might be helpful if she is aware that she has this effect on you

As a wise woman once told me "you only get one life, this is not a trial run". Life is short, even though this person might be the nicest person on the planet, for some reason they rub you the wrong way. I'd avoid them.

I guess it would matter what exactly about this person triggers you. If it is something like how they walk, talk, breathe, eat.....that's not going to change....so maybe spending less time with them is the way to go.

If it's a personality issue, again, more than likely it's not something that is going to change unless they want to make the change (and it takes a long time at that).

If it's a habit of popping their gum, cracking their knuckles, picking their nose, well those things can be halted or changed fairly quickly and maybe talking to them would be beneficial in getting them to stop while around you.

Is it possible to be with this person when there are others around so that your attention is not strictly on this individual? If so, it might be easier to deal with whatever they do that triggers you if you have distractions from them during your time together.


sabby

To be honest after reading your replys I think I have to avoid the person.

Wow If you notice the diff sign in name I have just found (by accident ) hubbys sign in name its his name with my password ........ yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh at last somthing to smile about. !!!!!!!!!

Dearest Tishie,

All above!

I was wondering, do you need to work closely with this person, (ie) you must be around them bc of your job? If this was so, I would handle it differently - specifically be very detached, w/out reacting to her actions.

Much Love,
Holmes

No I dont work with this person, and I can choose to avoid them it just means I miss out on something I like sometimes but, it isnt worth getting triggered so I really am left with no choice..

Dont get me wrong this is a nice person just not meant to be I suppose.

Gee Tishie,

Your description of this person sounds just exactly like the situation between my husband & me....he was very NICE also but that is why I am now living 2200 miles away from him...lol.

I think Sabby really said it well though......if this trigger is something easy to change, then it would be wonderful to work it out with them. If it's something that is difficult or impossible for them to change, then limiting your around them time or not being around them at all seems to be the best answer.

I had some boundary issues with my best friend earlier this year....the wonderful thing is that we worked things through & the friendship is better than ever.

It really depends on the relationship & the value you put on it verses the tolerance required to deal with it.

Wishing you the best outcome,
Debbie

Well, I have tried coming at it from another angle as was advised by sabby and have spoken to the person about the things that trigger me.

They have taken it well and are trying to alter slightly so a bit of give and take on both sides and .....Who knows it may just work out for both of us .

Thank you to you all .

You look inside yourself to see what it's about. Maybe consider being around this person as opportunities to explore your reactions, and to practice focusing on what is here and now.

Exactly !

OMG......does this mean that you and Rich are interchangeable????????



xoxoxo

Errrrrrrr not all the bits fit lmao.

My trigger person is my husband, not going to leave him, around him whenever he is not working. It seems that what triggers me is that he can sap my good day- I am being productive and my meds are working, he gets up and is upset about clearing the 4" of snow off the driveway and huffs and puffs about it. I understand that he has to work later and this makes him tired, but when I suggest something he doesn't reply. Two years ago we made a deal with the landlady- he would clear the driveway, we would get $ off our rent for each storm. This year she increased how much she would pay. I am all tied up- I have time to do this work because I don't work, but I can't because of my physical condition. Should I just deal with how it makes me feel and just accept that he does this chore grudgingly? Or should I discuss with him about doing something else (let our landlady hire someone else).

My OK day has now been turned into frustration- I am triggered to feel sorry for my health, I am triggered to feel that I'm not a good wife, etc...

fearfulfrog, could you talk to your husband and tell him how his getting upset makes you feel? Ask him if he could skip the getting upset part and just do the task, since he does do the task anyway...
Or maybe find a way to make it fun. Have a "Darn, I hate plowing" after-party. Have his favorite coffee, hot chocolate, cookies, sandwhich ready for when he's done, or a foot massage or something else that would be fun that he likes...

Cant say I agree as that would be like treating him as her child when he is in fact her husband and should do the work needed doing with a willing heart or pay the full rent to the landlady, they both live there not just fearfullfrog.

Just my thoughts but I was married to a 'child' for many years and its not easy or fulfilling and not a marriage that makes for two happy people.

Is the clearing of the driveway an example of how your husband triggers you when you are around him, when he is at home w/ you? That is how I interpreted your post, I am sorry if I am mistaken. I am sad for the feelings you are going through. I am just reading your letter & I felt so much empathy for you, tension, guilt, fear, invalidated, & victimized. I'm glad your meds are working so you are seeing a Pdoc, how @ a good T you could talk to?

U Deserve a Better Life, jmo
Holmes

I get wrapped up in his bad mood- he is a bit child-like- kind of stomps his feet when he has to do something other than what he wants, Guilt comes along then even after the job is done I can't stop the guilt. I do try to have warm liquid, cozy clothes, fresh towels in bathroom so he can take a shower, etc. I spoke with my therapist yesterday, she says I need to talk with him, but it almost feels like I should talk with him with HIS t (we don't go to the same one), that way the t can hear what I have a hard time with, then work on it in future sessions. Can I do that?? Would it make my husband feel like he can't even do his own therapy right?? I do love him to pieces!