[Ygrec23]

For the large majority of my long life I've just been a zipped-up, quiet, reclusive, introverted, non-communicative, blank kind of person. It didn't occur to me until the past several years that there might be benefits to relaxing and "letting it all hang out," i.e., just being me and letting people know who I am and what I care about. I think that's what other people do, but I'm not sure.

So I joined several of these websites like Experience Project where you're encouraged to talk/write about yourself. And I did. At first my writings (stories, experiences, letters, etc.) seemed to bring me friends, seemed to attract people who wanted to know more about me. So I told them. For a while, everything went fine, on ALL the websites. Then people stopped writing to me or exchanging letters with me. On ALL the websites. Nobody has volunteered to me why this might be so on any particular site. And I have no idea why this happened.

The same thing has happened in my professional life. I suffer from a terrible dearth of work. I'm dependent on lawyers to hire me to mediate. Last month I faxed out my calendar and rate sheet to 150 lawyers I know here. I didn't get one phone call. Not even a friendly phone call. And I don't know why. At all.

Even in the distant past I remember people getting angry at me and my absolute incomprehension of why they were angry.

Does this ring any bells with any of you? I simply have no insight into what goes on in other people's heads. Which, of course, makes my working as a mediator a joke. Nor do I understand what in my behavior or writings would turn people off to the point that they won't even upbraid me or say anything at all to me.

It's not like I was some evil or offensive guy. No violence. No flames. No rants. Married once and still married. Polite. Helpful. Caring (I think). Self-absorbed, true. Love cats. Grew up in a family where nobody talked to anybody else. Take a shower every day. Wear clean clothes. Not wildly ugly. Like people (I think). Reasonably intelligent.

I really don't understand what's wrong with me.

[Hippie]

I hear you Ygrec23. There are times I feel abandoned too. However, your work load may be a consequence of the economy we're in. People are putting off doing things and I can see the legal profession suffering too.
As for why people may have stopped responding on the other websites, well, this is just a shot, but the population of different groups may shift, change. If you look at the member's list here on PC you'll notice a huge discrepancy between who you see writing on here and how many members there are. New people, who don't know your writings may be hesitant to reply, simply because they're newer to the sites.
Hey, the fact that you take a shower is cool. That gave me a laugh.
Let me know how you're doing.

[englishteacher]

You say that you are an introvert. I am too. I think we put off an air of distance that others find hard to breach, even if they are interested. I found out 10 years after high school that everyone thought I was stuck up, but I went through h.s. thinking that everyone hated me and I was very shy. Perception makes all the difference in the world. I've found that if I relax around people and stop being so inward, people actually like me.

As for the work, I'm with Hippie - the economy is sooooo bad right now. It is also possible to be "distant" on paper. Do you have someone who could look over what you are sending out? Maybe you are inadvertently putting people off? I don't know anything about mediators in conjunction with lawyers, but I do know about writing. I'd be happy to look it over if you want to PM me.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by englishteacher

You say that you are an introvert. I am too. I think we put off an air of distance that others find hard to breach, even if they are interested. I found out 10 years after high school that everyone thought I was stuck up, but I went through h.s. thinking that everyone hated me and I was very shy. Perception makes all the difference in the world. I've found that if I relax around people and stop being so inward, people actually like me.

As for the work, I'm with Hippie - the economy is sooooo bad right now. It is also possible to be "distant" on paper. Do you have someone who could look over what you are sending out? Maybe you are inadvertently putting people off? I don't know anything about mediators in conjunction with lawyers, but I do know about writing. I'd be happy to look it over if you want to PM me.

Thank you, englishteacher, for your sound advice. I'll bet people think I'm high-hatting them, as the old saying goes. As far as relaxing around people is concerned, I have a real problem doing that. It comes very, very hard. And that's a significant problem in my work situation. You're both right about the economy, which down here in Florida is based on building and selling houses. The recession started here earlier and is lasting longer than in other places. There are hundreds of thousands of foreclosed houses on the market. Lawyers (and mediators) get paid (historically) from second mortgage home equity loans, which are just not happening any more. So many fewer people are getting divorced or suing each other. I'd be happy to let you look at what I send out. How do I do that? Can I email this site to your attention with an attachment?

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Hippie

I hear you Ygrec23. There are times I feel abandoned too. However, your work load may be a consequence of the economy we're in. People are putting off doing things and I can see the legal profession suffering too.
As for why people may have stopped responding on the other websites, well, this is just a shot, but the population of different groups may shift, change. If you look at the member's list here on PC you'll notice a huge discrepancy between who you see writing on here and how many members there are. New people, who don't know your writings may be hesitant to reply, simply because they're newer to the sites.
Hey, the fact that you take a shower is cool. That gave me a laugh.
Let me know how you're doing.

Thanks, Hippie! There's no question but that you're right about the economy. Lawyers (and mediators) get paid from second mortgage loans, or they DID get paid that way. Those loans aren't happening any more and so there's less money flowing to lawyers and to mediators. But to be absolutely shut down like I am? I'm too paranoid to accept that. As for the web sites, I know for a fact that my "friends" are still there, interacting with each other. A simple visit to each of them permits me to see who's talking to whom and who's reading what. There's something strange going on.

But thanks again! Hope you have a great weekend!

[Hippie]

Ygrec23,
I don't know what to tell you on that. You sound very articulate. What a great idea to have Englishteacher look over your papers. There's a great resource for you!
You have yourself a pleasant, and I hope relaxing weekend.

Hello, Ygrec23. May your situation be more positive soon.

[(JD)]

Hi! Just wondering if it isn't a few factors that have landed all at once (things are rarely just one item -- or person.)

Yes, the economy, and I doubt that too many of your specialty have quit for other work yet, so there is less work and the same number of people. Try thinking out of the box. Call them? Follow up on the material you sent out? Ask them about how they make their decisions now, if the economy has change that....

As for websites, well, they are a breathing beast of their own aren't they? Some are really microcosms of the world ... and most of the world is unhappy and having to center on it's own issues right now.

Make sure you aren't sitting at your desk with your back to the window ( a feng shui no no) and keep on trying!

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Hippie

Ygrec23,
I don't know what to tell you on that. You sound very articulate. What a great idea to have Englishteacher look over your papers. There's a great resource for you! You have yourself a pleasant, and I hope relaxing weekend.

Articulate, yes. Fat lot of good it's done me!

There are many things in life we cannot control. Right now, brainstorming may turn up a way to help better your situation. Being articulate helps. Good luck.

[lynn P.]

Hi Ygrec,
I had a little chuckle when you said you're not 'wildly ugly' lol. You received some great answers so far. You know what I think would be a great idea - contact a 'life coach' - someone who is trained to look at the whole picture. You might only need a few sessions. If you can't afford this, then find a good honest friend or family member to give you their 'honest opinion' of how you come across. You might even video tape yourself, so you can watch yourself. How we see ourselves in the mirror doesn't give the whole picture, unless we see ourselves talking and the body language. I also agree the economy is terrible and this is why you're not getting any responses. I hope things look up for you soon.