[thunderbear]

I am so sick and tired of people telling me "It's all in your head" well....duh. It is all in my head and I want to get it out of there!! I have been doing ok on my depression well the feelings of "Nothing is good in this world, I'm never going to be (fill in the blank), my life is useless" all that is better. But what is'nt are my obessesive thoughts. I will sit and think "OMG I got a brain tumor" or the one that has been plauging me since I was 13 "OMG I might have AIDS" or one that has been around even longer "Holy crap the world is going to end in the year 2000 (well now it's the year 2012)"
People around me say things to me to prove the oppisite. For example, my husband has Crohn's disease. He is having a very bad flare right now. And since I have been talking to my friend, I have thoughts of aids running through my brain. I told my husband about them last night his response: "Baby you know every doctor I have been to in the past 6 years has ran a test for hiv/aids. Crohn's causes people to lose weight and have stomach pain. It's all in your head." Yes I know all of those things. I know what Crohn's does to people's weight. A woman I went to church with has Crohn's and she went from 150-odd lbs. down to 80 in a year and her hair is even coming out from the malnutrition. But the thought won't go away. And the end of the world thing, this is what happens to me: Harvest moon comes out and it's that eerie orangey red color and of course I think back to that awful holy roller church I went to a long time ago who preached the end more than they preached God's love.And one of the main things in the end is the blood red moon. I remember being abbut 8 and standing on our back deck looking up at the harvest moon and crying cause I was so afraid. So I have a very vivid and frightening imaginary vison of the end of days. I have had it since I was 5-6 years old. And that thought won't go away. Those two thoughts run in my head from the time I get up till I go to bed. It causes me such bad anxiety, that I can't eat sometimes. It keeps me up at night. I know this sounds bad, but the only thing that makes the thoughts go away is prescription pain pills I have'nt taken none in a while because I am afraid of addiction. But still there has to be a non addictive med or something that will help me deal with the bad thoughts. I hate thinking I got aids my husbands got aids or the sky is going to fall right down on the earth and there will be no more anything. Or I am going to pass out and never wake up because I have a rare inoperable brain tumor. This is embarrasing that a grown woman has this problem. I should know better.

[Love_Psychology14]

I completely understand how you feel hun.. I'm 14 years old and I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I believe that I have Hypocondria. I worry constantly. About everything..Like school,chores,my appearance, my health.. everything.It's really hard and I feel really mistunderstood as well.. I think you could have some sort of anxiety problem as well. I suggest talking to you doctor.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

[ruffy]

(((thunderbearbear))) Please know that I can understand this from your viewpoint. When I was a child, I overheard some grownups saying "the sky is on fire" and I looked out the window and yes the sky did look as though it was on fire. All orange and red and black. This terrified me for many years as I thought everytime I saw the sky like that, I was going to burn and die. When I was much older I was driving to school and a semi truck hit the back of my car, and for the next year I would get terrified everytime I saw a semi in the rearview merror, so afraid it was going to hit me, it would send me into a panick attack. In nursing school, I had every illness we studied. A headache was a definite brain tumor, stomach ache..cancer, eye pain..well I was sure I was going to go blind. For so many years I was consumed with these kinds of thoughts until a friend told me the following....Picture two dogs. One dog is very fat, well fed, strong and muscular because I was constantly feeding him with all kinds of crazy thoughts..His name is My mentally ill mind. The other dog was skinny, bony, mal nourished, starving and dying, I never fed him anything..His name is My healthy mind. My friend told me to start feeding the starving dog (healthy mind) and start starving the fat dog (mentally ill mind) and eventually that dog with the healthy mind will eat up the other dog. Dont know if you can figure out how to starve that naughty dog who keeps trying to make you believe things that are not true. I did it by capturing my thoughts and making them obey me. Now my healthy mind dog is on the skinny side from time to time but I try to make sure I feed him at regular intervals so that he is strong enough to keep the bad dog under control. I dont know if this will even make sense to you, but Im willing to sound like a crazy woman with two dogs in her head if it will help you even the slightest. Be gentle on yourself, youve been under alot of stress lately!!! Hugs

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by ruffy

(((thunderbearbear))) Please know that I can understand this from your viewpoint. When I was a child, I overheard some grownups saying "the sky is on fire" and I looked out the window and yes the sky did look as though it was on fire. All orange and red and black. This terrified me for many years as I thought everytime I saw the sky like that, I was going to burn and die. When I was much older I was driving to school and a semi truck hit the back of my car, and for the next year I would get terrified everytime I saw a semi in the rearview merror, so afraid it was going to hit me, it would send me into a panick attack. In nursing school, I had every illness we studied. A headache was a definite brain tumor, stomach ache..cancer, eye pain..well I was sure I was going to go blind. For so many years I was consumed with these kinds of thoughts until a friend told me the following....Picture two dogs. One dog is very fat, well fed, strong and muscular because I was constantly feeding him with all kinds of crazy thoughts..His name is My mentally ill mind. The other dog was skinny, bony, mal nourished, starving and dying, I never fed him anything..His name is My healthy mind. My friend told me to start feeding the starving dog (healthy mind) and start starving the fat dog (mentally ill mind) and eventually that dog with the healthy mind will eat up the other dog. Dont know if you can figure out how to starve that naughty dog who keeps trying to make you believe things that are not true. I did it by capturing my thoughts and making them obey me. Now my healthy mind dog is on the skinny side from time to time but I try to make sure I feed him at regular intervals so that he is strong enough to keep the bad dog under control. I dont know if this will even make sense to you, but Im willing to sound like a crazy woman with two dogs in her head if it will help you even the slightest. Be gentle on yourself, youve been under alot of stress lately!!! Hugs

Thanks ruffy. Yeah that reminds me of the two wolves we all have inside of us. One good one bad. Always feed the good one. It's just so hard to do that when things are crazy like they usually are in my head. I guess I have to learn to ignore the bad thoughts or deal with them and think good things.

How are you doing, thunderbear?

[Rohag]

Hi, Thunderbear!

Originally Posted by thunderbear

"It's all in your head"

<sarcasm>How original of those folks.</sarcasm>

Originally Posted by thunderbear

...the blood red moon. I remember being abbut 8 and standing on our back deck looking up at the harvest moon and crying cause I was so afraid. So I have a very vivid and frightening imaginary vison of the end of days.

Wow. That vision is deeply etched in you. When a vision won't go away, how can one transform it? (That's a real question, one with which I struggle.)

Originally Posted by thunderbear

I should know better.

You do know better. I know better. And knowing better is all too frequently little or no comfort. The most knowledgeable doctor in the world who breaks his or her arm is still in pain.

[thunderbear]

Hey Byz. I'm doin ok today. I did'nt have many bad thoughts though they are always in the back of my mind. But you know how it is. You have your good days and bad. And Rohag, yes you are right even the best docs in the world can break their arm and be in pain. It's just so hard sometimes not to overwhelm myself with negative thoughts and views. I will sit and go over everything good in my life and not feel better. And at times it helps. I'm just confused

[Aunt Donna]

I thought that I was the only one that had those kind of thoughts. It sounds like we have some of the same fears. I have gone as far as to research the stuff I am afraid of and I know there is no reason to be afraid it is just sensationalism, but I read and reread this stuff to reassure me but it just causes distress. The bible states "no man knows the day or hour, not even the angels in heaven." I hate the ocd and the frustration it brings with it.

Glad you are doing better, thunderbear. Write it down so you do not forget how you did it.

[ruffy]

(((Thunderbear))) Glad you are feeling a little better. I was just reading an article on mental issues that said thoughts like the ones you described are common in some mental disorders, so know that its not something you grow out of. Yes, you are a grown woman, but that doesnt make your mental illness go away. We just have to keep reassuring ourselves these thoughts will not come into our reality and hurt us. I think Im going to turn my good dog into a wolf!