I hate the way I look

My mom is a size 9 and I'm a 12 but that's enough for her to bring it up everyday. One of my legs is bowed more than the other. I hate that.

I underestimated my ex's friend. According to him, she was homely, had bad teeth, bad breath, hair so thin she looked bald, and very overweight. She lied about everything. His buddy was dating her and they both had a good laugh talking about her constantly. His buddy even ran her over with his car and my ex thought that was hilarious. When I met her, I could see why they talked about her so badly.

Before my divorce was even final, she was living with my ex. Now when I drop off my kid to see his dad, guess who answers the door? Turns out among other things, she's an excellent cook.

I learned my lesson. Everyone has something special about them...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/940
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/4839
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/4948

Okay, why are people lying? What I see is what I see and I have no reason to say I don't see something? Why would I talk about what I don't see? I'm not going to talk about ears that don't look like they stick out to me?

Another thing is there are too many people "against" your view. Yes, you see your ears stick out but the majority of people don't see that and we're the ones looking at you? How is it your attention is stuck on yourself instead of your eyes looking outward at me

Third thing, you feel your ears stick out. So? I have wavy brown hair that's turning gray and am 125 pounds overweight. So? That's not all there is to me, not even the most important part of me. My legs gets me around, my eyes allow me to see, ears allow me to hear (when they aren't having a problem like now) but my looks don't do much of anything for me, they just differentiate me from the person next to me, help make me unique and interesting. My stepmother had her nose done; she got her father's nose and it was a whopper! She was in her late 40's though when she got it done. She took a picture of me with her (I was 5 or 6 in the picture) and told the doctor she wanted a nose cute, like mine. You ever have an uncle play that "got your nose" game with you when you were a kid? I was pleased that she liked my nose but who wants my nose on her face? Like one of those childrens' books that have three parts, legs, body, head and you can mix and match: http://www.amazon.com/Mix-Match-Book...dp/0671769111/

Evening, from what you've said so far, it sounds like you have a really big investment in that position you've taken. If anyone refuses to see you the way you do, that seems to be some kind of threat to you -- so, they have to be lying. I can easily imagine some alternative points of view, though:

• The people who say they don't have a problem with how you look might not be lying at all. Some of them might think you look fine to them; some might not care much how you look; and some might even wonder if you weren't the one distorting or lying.

• Those of us who know you only from online, can't very well be turned off by what you look like. We don't know; all we have to go by is that one picture, which you insist doesn't look like you. If any of us had issues with you or needed to lie to you, then, it would have to be about something besides your looks. If people IRL had similar issues with you or needed to lie to you, that, too, could be about something besides your looks.

It sounds like you meant, if you could change your appearance so that you'd be happy with it. I was actually thinking a bit more radically, though -- along the lines of, if you could let go of focusing on your appearance, let yourself look however you look, and go about doing whatever else you've been waiting to do.

If focusing on your appearance has been protecting or distracting you from something and you let go of focusing on your appearance, of course whatever stuff you've been protecting yourself from is going to start coming up more. It won't be comfortable; it'll almost certainly be easier for you with some professional support; but once you get through it and have that experience behind you instead of in your way, I say it'll help you a lot with whatever's up next for you to tackle.

I understand that in his time, Abe Lincoln [President of the U.S. 1861-65] was widely regarded as ugly. Someone kidded him about how long he thought a man's legs should be and he famously replied, "Long enough to reach the ground." He turned out to be one of our best presidents, though, and nowadays we find him good-looking enough to put his image on at least two forms of money. I've never heard from anyone, even in grade school, who found him ugly.

The bottom line for me is that you're free to hate how you look but you can't count on us to either share that view, or withhold our support until you look different.

Perna- with my ears, they DO stick out, guaranteed. The reason people say they don't is because I hide them, my hair is always down, or my ears are covered with a headband. I go to great lengths to disguise them. When people debate it and I show them, they always say 'okay, yes they do'. One guy even started mocking me and told me to 'put them away'.
People have been critical of my features, my weight, my hair, my teeth. I feel like I have to fix them because I want to be good enough. I want ME to be happy with how I look. And I'm not.
Yes I DO care what they look like, even if people tell me 'looks don't matter'. Looks may not matter in general, there are a lot of people out there, including myself, who don't care what another person look like, but society draws attention to attractiveness. I'm not oblivious to how I must sound. And I do not care about what others look like, only when I am comparing MYSELF to them.

Fool Zero- I know a lot of people probably think I am lying about myself, that is one of the very reasons I feel uncomfortable with talking about it. I don't want to sound like I'm looking for people tell me otherwise. Every time I bring it up people try and tell me otherwise. Do I believe them? Not for even a second. I do not know how people cannot see what I see. And I know that as soon as I start talking about it on here the first thing people do- go straight to my profile to take a look. I just deleted an entire album because I freaked out.
One of the pictures that was on there was my profile picture on MSN (I hate MSN, but I can't help myself really!). One of my friends commented that it was a nice picture, and I said it really wasn't, I said it looks okay because it's just a small picture in the corner. He asked me to put it up as a bigger picture so he could see for himself, and, literally, I started stressing. I actually got nervous and restless couldn't put it up. Then I came here and deleted the album with that picture on it.
It sounds ridiculous I know. Other times I can share pictures fine, Ive shared a lot of pictures with him. But when he actually wanted to specifically see what I looked like in a photo, I panicked.

This is so hard for me to talk about so that others understand what I feel and see.
Every day I am noticing new flaws. The other day I was looking in the mirror and thought my nose looked fat, it was almost like it just grew fat while I was looking at it. It's like they become magnified, which I guess is partly what it is, what I see is magnified in my eyes because I spend so long looking. I have spend ages tonight on my bed with a mirror staring at my face. I noticed the other day also that my mouth is crooked when I smile, I've never noticed that before.

Someone said to me earlier tonight that I am beautiful on the inside (you know I could barely even write that sentence). Do I feel that way about myself. No. Not at all. I dislike myself on the inside as much as I do on the outside. I guess you could say I find myself disgusting as a person. And I mean that literally.

I'm starting to think I shouldn't really talk about it anymore, yall are just going to be talking to a brick wall trying to convince me otherwise. I just don't know what to say, or how to explain it.

Okay, we are here to support you. You seem to want validation you are not up to your standards for physical appearance. I support you in your position.

The question then becomes, what is the plan? Do you intend to spend your life looking in the mirror for hours at a time each day? How do you intend to deal with this 24/7 obsession?

I'm not in any way looking for anyone to take my side or agree with me on how I feel. Nor am I looking for people to try and convince me otherwise.
This is something I've only recently made an effort to even think about, I have never talked about how much it gets to me with anyone until I talked about it on here.
I talked with my therapist today and I specifically asked that she made no comment on my appearance while I discussed it with her, positive or negative, and told her how it makes me feel. Yet she kept bringing it up and commenting on it. That got me a little worked up. It's put me off talking about it even more.
I was in tears about it, I don't think she even realised the extent to how much it gets to me until I burst into tears and couldn't talk. She offered to weigh me because I was talking about my weight, I couldn't do it. I couldn't put that on myself. Maybe that was some effort, intentionally not putting myself in that position to avoid making myself more upset. Perhaps it was because when I was getting ready to go see her I could barely look at myself in the mirror, so I was already worked up.
This is not something I really feel comfortable talking about face to face with someone. So frankly, I DON'T KNOW what I'm going to do. I have no idea. I want to talk to someone about it, but it is so uncomfortable for me. And I don't know who to talk to. My therapist is too far away for me to get to on my own.
I feel like perhaps I should maybe just not talk about it like I did in the past. It will save everyone else the drama at least.

((((( Evening )))))

Could not have put it any better or clearer than what you and Fool Zero have....so I won't try



Rhian