I am tired...(rant. poem.)

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Today at 5:44pm | Edit Note | Delete

I am tired. My bones are weak.

I am tired. My inner core does not speak

A soul was once present dancing and whirling inside

I am tired.. too tired to try.

I cringe at the looks they give me each day

Knowing it will never change, really

Knowing that ten, twenty, fifty years from now

Should I be so lucky to be alive

I will still cringe and die a little inside.

Where is the sparkle, the soul, the emotion

The carefree that ran,

the body that wanted challenge

now..sadly... all that is wanted is understanding and peace.

As I am not lazy.

I am not playing a victim, though I surely am

I am not escaping from hard work

no, my mind aches for the challenge of hard work

my fingertips itching to pick up a pen

or feet reminiscing of pounding the grass

or better still the multicolored floor of a discotheque

Diva vocals over a fast beat

Dancing far too late and getting home much too early all the same..

Where is that person, that girl

With the style, with the class

perched amongst her friends, on a stool

Drinking martinis while enjoying her poured into red dress

She was perfect at those times, congenial, sexy, but yet all with class

Save for when the tequila came out...

Now I am asked to go out

But the bones are too weary

The nausea too strong

The utter pain that is constant

makes everything wrong.

It is for naught I would go

as I would know those looks

"what is she doing here so sick"

"oh shes not sick shes just lazy

They cant even prove what she has

Dont encourage her as shes crazy

MAybe then she will get over it"

And yet again this body and mind

is locked away solitary

taking the meds most never see

And praying for one or the other to happen..

Let me live

Or let me.......

Amanda Morrison
Written to try to impart some of the terrible stigma those of us with chronic as of yet provable illnesses go through. We are not lazy. We are not unfeeling - in fact we feel often a great much more than others. The things we go through make us champions. If half of these people went through what we do between mental health and physical, they would give up. But we dont. And to me, that makes us TITANS.

Thank you for your post Rainbowzz. It's much appreciated.

Resilience is a key. Thanks, Rainbowzz.