Enabling

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

So, the best way to make the site more recovery-oriented is to ask more questions geared toward recovery.

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This is a GREAT at thread, Fuzzy! Thanks for starting it... for whatever your reason was ;-)

MJ - I like what you said here about each of us taking it upon ourselves to ask recovery-oriented questions. I think it's something I am able to do here, and actually seriously consider the replies/advice you excellent people give me, but for some reason I have a lot of trouble doing this in therapy. I'm going to make that my goal, though.

I also like the workbook idea. Let me know if I can help with that!

LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

"Are there any ways we could make this site, or parts of this site, more recovery orientated?"

Fuzzybear, there is a great thread going in Depression under "RE: Avatars." The name is misleading but some of us are working on issues there. It's not just about the disagreement that Darrel and had anymore.

Check it out. You might like it.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

OK, thanks September, I'll check it out!!!

Take care,
Fuzzy

To me the difference between support and enabling is intent. If you support someone you want to help them to get better or at least to be able to handle their problems, whereas if you are enabling then you want to keep them sick for some reason (gives you more control or you are addicted to being a caretaker). An enabler might not be aware that they are doing it.

MJ, your self-esteem workbook sounds interesting.

<font color=purple>"The real problem of mental life is not why some people become insane, but rather why most avoid insanity." -Erich Fromm</font color=purple>

no! no! no!

If that's true... then when my therapist says I was enabling him, DOES THAT MEAN I WANTED HIM TO STAY SICK????

Believe me, there is NOTHING more I want than for my boyfriend to get better and we can have a normal (even if boring!) life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell me it isn't so!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! If that's the case, then I'm going to be very ill right now.

cry cry cry

I'll be around less this week - off to Philly and will be actually working, for once!

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

LMo,

The things that you said you did and was told were enabling didn't sound that much like enabling to me. It really can be a fine line, like we said before, and maybe you just didn't realize then that it was important for him to do those things himself. Also, you changed when you saw the results, and stopped doing things for him.

On the other hand, we all have aspects of our personality that we don't like and don't want to accept. You have mentioned that people, your therapist in particular, have quesioned why you stay with your boyfriend when it doesn't seem that he is an equal match for you. It's not easy to face, and you would need to look at it yourself and make your own interpretation, but is it possible that part of you likes being a caretaker? What benefits might you get from being a caretaker? Does the idea of taking care of him make you feel good?

I want to just tell you that none of what you have done is enablling because I think that is what you would like to hear, but that is something that you have to answer for yourself. Hey, none of us are perfect, and you are very compassionate and do a lot of good for your boyfriend as well as others including us here.
Wendy

<font color=purple>"The real problem of mental life is not why some people become insane, but rather why most avoid insanity." -Erich Fromm</font color=purple>

Thanks Rapunzel,

I LOVE being a caretaker! Absolutely...but I do not want to be a caretaker for my partner. Definitely not. Just babies and my cats... and my garden...

About whether there is something I get out of my bf being depressed... my therapist and I did go through that over several sessions. I could never really come up with anything, except a few ideas that were kind of a stretch.

I'll give it some thought though on my lonnnngggg flight to the east coast. Leaving now. Logging off. Over and out!

Thanks R - you're a good pal - thanks for being honest with me, I appreciate that!
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

I came across this thread again when I was reading the archives. I think it's a good thread ...

Any more input?

Take care,
Fuzzy

Only input I have right now is "Don't look up the 'Re: Avatars'" thread!!

LOL Tomi! That was a good one too. I miss Darrel. Once in a while I hear from him. He might even come by and visit one of these days. Before all the other Utah people joined, and before I moved, he was the closest one here to me geographically. Last I heard, he seemed to be doing okay - doing a bit of traveling.