Not a good day///

Hi everyone.
This week is the anniversary of my Grandpas death and Im not doing good.
Its already been a year since he died

Today my sister was treating me horrible and she now has a new boyfriend so it means i will once again be on the back burner.
I would be okay but my friends are all outta town except her
I really dont have too many friends thoughh

I used to have alot before all of this but then I slowly pushed everyone away...
now im left with a handful and they dont feel like sturdy friends

I want to patch things up with the people i pushed away but im afraid its too late or that they hate me or that my other friends who have been there for me lately will get angry.

Im also nervous about what my mom will say....

Sorry this note is so spastic :/
my mind is moving faster then my fingers
i guess all I could ask of yall is some encouraging words please...

Hi Black Crow,

I'm so sorry you feel alone and lonely-- it just seems to make it harder to face each day with any sense of balance.

Could you talk a little bit about how you ended up where you are? For example, how did it come to pass ("before all of this") that over time your "friends" have disappeared?

I'm sorry if you've covered this elsewhere here and I missed it.
Baaku

((((Black Crow))))

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone even though I know it feels it. I am so sorry you are feeling so low about your grandpa's passing. Have you ever had the chance to talk about your feelings with anyone? I know losing someone is so hard especially if they were close. Please know that we are here to listen if you would like to talk.

Please try to focus on the positive things that you had with your grandpa and the happy times the two of you had. Thinking on tghe good things can help with your feelings of him being gone. I validate how you are feeling for I am sure it must be tough.

As far as your friends go I am unsure of whaqy you think they are not around. I am so sorry you feel like you have none. I hope you will keep reaching out here and sharing. There are so many people here that can conne4ct to where you are at.

Please know that we care and are here for you. Please keep writing and sharing your feelings for they are important just as you are. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

(((((((Black Crow)))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling low right now. I hope this feeling passes as soon as possible. I hope that you'll keep us updated on how you're feeling...feel free to post anytime. Somebody will always be here to listen and reply.

As for your friends, maybe it isn't too late to reach out and chat with them again. Perhaps they are feeling the same as you, wanting to reach out but thinking it's too late. Maybe all it'll take is for one side to reach out to the other.

Hi Baaku
thnk u for taking such an interest...

when i said "before all of this" i meant before i stated getting depressed
2 yrs ago Hurricane ike hit and i lost everything
i was forced to live with my aunt, uncle and 2 cousins
it suprisingly made our family grow apart and things havent been the same

well i first started having my bouts of depression when all of the Ike stuff occured and thats also when i slowly started pushing my friends out b/c i was locking them out of my head and not telling them things

I hope things get to feeling better for you

Hope you find the help you need to get through this and back to pre-Ike.

Dear black_crow,

You said "I want to patch things up with the people i pushed away but im afraid its too late or that they hate me or that my other friends who have been there for me lately will get angry."

I personally feel that good friends understand that you're doing something internal when you push them away for a while and fully expect that you'll come back. This means not only for month, but for years. Why would it be "too late"? Why would they "hate" you? You were good friends because of a special "click" between your two personalities. That doesn't disappear with time. And why in heaven's name would they "hate" you? For disappearing for a while? If they would do such a thing as "hate" you for isolating yourself for a while, they weren't real friends in the first place, let alone special friends.

Are you sure you understand what friendship is? As for the special friends who've stuck with you, again, why in heck would they get angry at you? You're suffering really tough times. If they're really good friends, not only will they not be angry with you, they will be sympathetic, empathetic and happy to see that you're reaching out again. Don't you see the emotional logic of these conclusions? Your absence is a test of all your friends. The ones who don't accept you back, with sympathy, weren't friends at all. And your not being with them hereafter is no loss at all.

I would be very surprised if the vast majority of your old friends didn't welcome you back with love and joy. That's what real friends do.

Talk to me/us at PC any time via postings, private messages, chat room, etc. We are, all of us, real friends you can rely on, who understand the miserable times you're going through and how much help you need. And we'll try to provide as much of that as we can. We know there's no replacement for physical presence, but we'll give you all we can in terms of writing.

The best of my wishes for re-constructing yourself and your successful "re-capture" of your friends!

Take care!