deleting my IM

So it has been a week and 3 days since my bestfriend passed away. I downloaded that g-mail IM just to talk to him 2 years ago. He's the only friend on it. Well I hate seeing that thing pop up evertime I log onto the internet. We would spend 5+ hours talking on it every day up until a week before he died. I have no other use for it. I breaks my heart when that thing pops up and says "J is offline". I want so bad to delete it but it kinda in a weird conflicting way gives me a little comfort knowing that was our main means of communication everyday for all this time. I know what he would say he would tell me "Uninstall it, baby, it takes up 6MB of space". but I can't bring myself to do it. As much as I have come to hate that IM in the past week, I would miss it if it were not there. I know this is stupid but it really bothers me.

(((((It's ok to feel conflicted)))))

((Thunderbear)) Im so sorry to hear your friend passed away. You were such a good friend to him.

Maybe it's not the pop up, but the reminder that you hate? Your friend is truly offline.

Maybe you aren't ready to delete it. But maybe you should, and try to remember him without that "reminder."

The grieving process is different for everyone.
I have a voice message/ phone answerer at home. Everytime someone calls and leaves a message, I have to skip through the ones I've left on there. One's from my mom, now passed a year, asking for me to come help her. Another is from one of my sisters, who breaks down sobbing, as we were trying to figure out what was best for mom and to try to keep her alive. Like you, I hate being reminded, but I just can't let go yet. Two others are from mom's best friend...

Be gentle with yourself.

(((((((((((((Thunderbear))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((JD))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel that way.
Maybe you can make a collage of his picture so you have a reminder in real life and you can let go of the virtual one.

(((((((((((((((((((thunderbear)))))))))))))))))))) may your friend rest in peace i always keep everything myself to always have little reminders of people who i have lost (not any in death, but just lost friendships and out of state ones.. and just the ones i have now if a time ever comes)... i can never part with some things i have in the past... maybe set up a new email so that you wont have to see it everyday, but if you ever want to go back and remember, you can look at your old gmail and see him...

((((((((((((JD))))))))))))) may your mother rest in peace, too.

((((((((((((thunderbear))))))))))))

But you know he's sat there saying "look up and smile because when you look up it's me who sees your beautiful face". "We had lots of conversations to remember, lots of things we chuckled and laughed about; lots of conversations that you can go over and over it's just like we are having them all over again and nothing can come between the friendship we have. No amount of distance in time or space can seperate a friendship like ours".

with love,

Rhi

Thanks you guys for understanding.
JD I would have loved to have my mom's voice on record like that.
Rhi- That was the most beautiful thing I have heard. Yes, he would say that. It's just hard knowing, like the first reply said, he is never coming back online. We will never have our morning coffee together again. It's all just hitting me and with everything else going on, it makes it that much harder. Today after that war of words with my cousin, I thought I wish I could tell J he would know what to say to make everything better. So I talked to J's boyfriend instead and he is a dear one and suffered through it and talked to me and made me laugh.

((((((((((((thunderbear))))))))))))

I understand how you feel, I know what it's doing to you. Knowing that he adores you as the best friend he could have, and sharing part of his life with you the way he did shows you how he loves you. He may not be on IM but he will always be with you, and with his partner.

And he will find ways to get his messages to you...they always do.

Rhi

((((((( thunder )))))))