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  #26  
Old Jul 12, 2010, 03:51 AM
Rhiannonsmoon's Avatar
Rhiannonsmoon Rhiannonsmoon is offline
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Are you the same at home or in your private life? Lazy I mean. The reason I ask is that I am chronically lazy when I am deeply depressed. The more depressed I am the worse I get. I had a burst of energy this afternoon and did stuff I've wanted to do for weeks...but when that was done I just deflated again and came back online...

Rhian
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  #27  
Old Jul 12, 2010, 04:02 AM
blkchr91 blkchr91 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD) View Post
It sounds to me as though you're battling some depression, especially regarding the loss of your child to someone you no longer care about.

The motivation for working so you can pay for child support might increase if you were to be able to know about how the child is now, have pictures etc. However, if you can see it from the child's point of view, having a daddy who sends money so they can have things and all, is a nifty thought. I doubt the child thinks that way now, but might later in life when they are on their own. You need to be able to meet with them at that time (of course I hope it's soon) and be able to say, even though...you sent the money to provide for them. Being a good dad means being there for the child even when blocked by another.

Life is more difficult during these days of poor economic conditions. It's hard to have hope. Nothing stays the same forever. Nothing. See if you can begin to make plans for "when" things do change. Set some short term goals, and long term ones too. Find something that gives you stress and depression relief and do it from time to time (even if it takes a little money.) While few people are spending what they used to on vacations, it's still a necessary element for relief.

Yes, looking for work should be a full time job. It's always been that way, for those who need to have income. Try to become organized about what you will do each day (at least 5 days a week) in sending out resumes, going on interviews, filling out and following up on applications, making sure your clothes are ready for interviewing and job hunting etc. It is a job. It pays off later, not daily though.

If you become discouraged about finding work you can enjoy, then figure the stats on your own efforts. Odds are there are some for you to have hope about...for every xx number of applications you'll get xx number of calls for interviews...for every x number of interviews, you'll have x number of recontacts etc. The law of averages, odds and stats will pan out imo.

Try to eat correctly. Many people who are down in the dumps eat like they are digging through the trash in the dumps. Without proper fueling of the body, it won't work right, and you won't feel good and it will also effect your thinking. If there isn't enough money to eat good each meal, then spend some of it on a bottle of complete vitamins.

When reading your post I was reminded of how I lost 5 jobs in a row, each one lasting less than 6 months. It was not my fault, indeed, that's the truth, but still I was the recipient of the bad record. I had to let go of the grudges against the previous bosses and go out looking with full intent of still giving the job my all, and holding true to my principles.

Do you really think it was depression or laziness (or a combo) that caused you to lose your jobs? Make a list for each job you held, what was good and what was not good, and where you may have gone wrong.

Is there any chance of returning to one of them and asking to be rehired? Being able to talk to them about what you would do differently might help (if you can.)

Good wishes.
Alright I am going to address this. I get to see my child. He flies up but after a recent job loss it is less likely and I will get to continue to pay even though there is supposed to be no association between either one there most definitely is in practice and psychologically.

I am going to hop around here. I am just lazy. I have other kids that live with me and that doesn't stop me from being lazy. I am not the type of person where fantasizing where the money goes will assist. Let me clarify, the other "parent" blatantly advises that the money is used for things besides "child" support since she knows there is nothing that I can really do about it.

You are right about what my child might think one day. I will keep that in mind.

I disagree with you about being there for the child when you are blocked. If the other "parent" wants to block you, you had better just accept it or you will wind up in jail or harrassed etc. (You probably don't know about this so I am just letting you know how it works in reality). Being a good Dad actually means being able to pick your battles and putting yourself in a situation where you can actually survive to see the day where your child to accept or deny you. I am sure you mean well here.

You are so right about the transiency of today's times. Being pretty conservative, I have a hard time of letting go of anything. I have a hard time making major decisions whereas when I was more liberal I would make changes on the fly no matter what the consequences were. Both seem to put me in an equal mess (this is for another post though).

As far as getting a new job goes...I am not worried about that. The problem is, I hate every job I go to. All I care about is how close it is or how much they pay me loool. I know it's pathetic but I just have to laugh.

I am starting to identify what happened. I used to work in electronics when I was younger. I REALLY LOVED it. Then I worked at a place that did both electronics and computers and I figured oh that's not such a bad idea and used that opportunity to transition over to computers. Believe it or not, almost exactly at that time the electronics industry fell apart and I can't turn around and get a decent job doing electronics.

WOW, what a revealing moment! In speaking with you all, I hit the nail on the head...oh what I wouldn't do to work on electronics lol!

You are right on eating better. I really need to.

Thank you!
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Modern day Bobby Booshay

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  #28  
Old Jul 12, 2010, 04:11 AM
blkchr91 blkchr91 is offline
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Location: NOVA/Central Virginia Line
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna View Post
I don't think anyone can give you tips on motivation for a job you don't like. I spent several years taking jobs with tasks I didn't like to train myself to do them anyway, whether I liked them or not. I don't think that has to do with parent's teaching, is a personal thing with what you like/don't like. I'm still mind boggled with a woman I worked with in the 1970's who loved pure data entry (mostly long numbers) 8+ hours a day.

If you don't want to go to school or compete for jobs you like/want, I think you either have to look at your other interests and change fields or put up with the jobs you have been taking and spend time with your family, which you appear to enjoy, but without spending as much money to have "fun".

I understand about the child support (my husband had alimony and child support for the first 11 years of our marriage); if I were you, I would start thinking of it as a pay raise in X years (when it's no longer payable), kind of like a cost-of-living increase and come up with a plan for what I'd do with that "extra" money at that time (instead of just rolling it into expenses/normal bills). I paid my therapist $800+ out-of-pocket each month for nearly 10 years and was thrilled with my plans for when we terminated. Use the discipline of paying the child support faithfully for your own mental/emotional support and training.
Hello Perna,

It has been a while since we have chatted. You know exactly where I am coming from. In fact, I have figured out that I am going to take the "child" support money and go to fancy restaurants every month and blow it deliberately since the money was blown by the other "parent" on doing fingernails, drugs, etc. Heck, who knows Perna maybe you will inspire me to do otherwise. Still, you know exactly why I would say something like that. You know exactly where I am "at" so to speak and I am blessed to have you come in and talk to me about this.

Also, you drive a point as to my options as far as eating dog food (a.k.a) working jobs that I don't want to. At the bare minimum, I could always kill some time trying to get the closest possible job with wages that could barely get me over the hump. Your profile says Maryland so depending on where you are in MD you may just know about the DC rat race and the constant struggle between location, time, commute, and wages.

I do think that I should have been parented into being strong. I disagree there (but I am probably wrong too). I am sick of hearing how great my collegue's parents are. My mom and dad did this and that. I am tired of being jealous at how everyones parents help them out financially.

I wish I was the Marine for 30 years that everyone else around here seems to be.

Finally, I did not know that you could willfully take jobs that you don't want to train yourself to do them. Could you please expand? Wow thanks!
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Modern day Bobby Booshay

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  #29  
Old Jul 12, 2010, 04:16 AM
blkchr91 blkchr91 is offline
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Location: NOVA/Central Virginia Line
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So everyone, I am lazy and just don't care if I get fired. I'd rather push the envelope and see what happens. I have also identified (with your help) that I would rather be in the electronics field but the field died and I escaped it without even knowing that it died! Maybe it never died. Maybe there were just more computer jobs in comparison and I thought it did? The thing is, the level of qualifications that I had in electronics pales in comparison to my IT qualifications. I did return to electronics a few times when I lost my IT jobs but it wasn't the same because the wages were too low...so it's a double edged sword.

I am just rambling endlessly and I am way behind on sleep. I hope that I have been able to at least get my point across partially and thank you for your useful thoughts and caring.
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Modern day Bobby Booshay

Proudly Conservative. Proud Southerner and Proud of my views on Men's Right(s) and the lack thereof.
  #30  
Old Jul 12, 2010, 04:34 AM
blkchr91 blkchr91 is offline
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Again we all know that I am lazy (you all helped me identify that because I was probably too lazy to do it on my own). Ideological thinking about child support won't help me get unlazy. That is established.

I might be headed in the right direction I guess. I just have to get motivated.

You know the weird thing is....I am just 35 but I stopped running around the yard and playing with my kids when I turned 28 because my mind says that I am too old.

To be honest, if I drop something on the ground it feels like I have a flu if I go pick it up. My legs and arms feel sore like I have just excercised. Can depression do that?

When things were a little bit better financially I was able to take some VERY SERIOUS self defense classes without issue so I don't think it is physiological.

Maybe I am more depressed and/or lazy all the way around?

I used to be so industrious in my personal life before I moved to the UK for a while. I'll blame the UK.

I want to lay on the sofa all day and drink and smoke. I am not kidding or trying to be funny either. I want to get paid and not even have to get up to go to work.
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